i keep remembering the following fact:

[workaholic]

You can still be a great conversationalist and yet no one likes you or can warm up to you because you don't have the traits that make you..likeable.

 

So how do you or did you evolve into a likeable person who can easily develop relationships with members of the opposite sex? There are so MANY intimate couples out there..some look the same, others look totally different from each other, but they have something in common. They LIKE each other to the point where they start to share their lives together. Sometimes I feel that I could get with any type of girl, and I see live examples of guys who can charm the richest and socially upward of ladies and yet these guys are from the "lower classes".

 

If I had to create a Personality Recipe for myself, I would put humor in it as one of the ingredients. Anything else? I show and mention my concern to people that I know (sympathize with others) and yet I can't establish a great connection with them.

[Trisomy21]

I can tell you that being a wonderful listener can be more valuable than being wonderful conversationalist. Often by listening to the other person, you're given an idea of what they're looking for.

 

And trust me. Humor is a wonderful gift, if you truly have the ability to make people laugh, you'll be sought after, regardless of physical appearance.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Great conversationalist. I would say confidence but confidence isn't something that can be easily faked so i'll break it down for you.

 

1. eye contact.

This means they divide their eye contact between the different people listening or participating in the conversation.

 

2. They listen MORE than they speak. Or at least pretend to be listening and do a convincing job of it.

 

3. Memorize names. it gives a false impression of familairity.

 

4. Don't always agree.

 

5. Don't put down the people they are trying to connect with (this advice is esp helpful for amateurs).

 

6. Don't talk about themselves and their own accomplishments as much as they ask about other people and their own accomplishments. When you talk to much about your own accomplishments or abilities it can make you look insecure.

 

7. Can brush off (unconstructive) criticism.

 

8. Smile when you want to show somebody you approve of them. And smile AT the person.

 

9. Know a variety of topics and pay careful attention to the other person and their emotional state. (this doesn't mean you neccesarily care what the other person thinks of you.)

 

10. Humor helps. But that mean's lighten up.

 

11. Consider, and i mean REALLY consider other viewpoints. And that doesn't mean you HAVE to agree. But at least give an impression that you are considering what they have to say.

[Gilgamesh]

A player is someone that isnt really interested in long term relationships, he is like a big game hunter, his prey is women.

 

they have certain traits,

 

1) they are very confident

2) they dont care if the girl says no, they dont feel hurt, they just go to the

next.

3) they play the numbers, 20 girls may say get out of here jerk, one will

say yes.

 

now your probably asking, why is it these girls cant see though this guy? well they are naive!! and havent been burnt enough yet.

 

here is how it works, Player "Johnny Cool" is with his current girl, and while he is with her, Sandy walks by, there eyes meet, sandy walks by, Johnny doesnt say a thing. couple weeks go by, Johnny walks up to Sandy in the mall, makes small talk and asks Sandy out point blank.

 

Now, in Sandy's head Johnny is a prize, after all another girl which she thinks is prettier (most girls have low self esteem like guys) was with Him, and she knows (and this is important) that is she says no, this guy wont bat an eyelash, he'll just say, thats cool see ya around sometime and she will never hear from him again.

 

So she says yeah, now she thinks she is lucky, and the guy is good, he knows how to listen and make a girl feel good (for awhile) because he becomes her ideal guy. after he gets his "score" he is basically making eye contact with the next girl and so it goes.

 

Eventually the girls get older and more experienced and can spot these jerks a mile away. and Johnny will have a hard time keeping long term relationships later in life.

 

So if your looking for a long term loving relationship with one great chick, dont go looking for formulas and tricks, first find out who you are, what you like and dont like, do what you like in life, and when you see a chick that seems interesting and seems to be someone that could be your match, then just go up to her and ask her out, period, if she says no, say, ok no problem, be polite and move on to the next.

 

now here is something important, if the girls says yes and you date but she doesnt match who you are, just end it. the mistake of desperate guys is they want the relationship to work, they think to themselfs, "how can i throw away this chick thats actually on a date with me?" but if she isnt someone that matches your personality, why get into a relationship with her, where you will both be hurt later, and you have wasted good time that could have been used to find a better partner.

 

this forum is full of sad stories of those that tried to make it work no matter what, with the wrong person.

[arwen]

I can tell you that being a wonderful listener can be more valuable than being wonderful conversationalist. Often by listening to the other person, you're given an idea of what they're looking for.

 

And trust me. Humor is a wonderful gift, if you truly have the ability to make people laugh, you'll be sought after, regardless of physical appearance.

 

Amen to that!

 

I really like it when a person looks me in the eye when we are having a conversation. Not constantly maybe, but a certain amount of direct eye-contact is necessary to build the feeling of a good conversation/being really listened to.

 

Ilse.

[DropToZero]

So how do you or did you evolve into a likeable person who can easily develop relationships with members of the opposite sex?

 

one word : PRACTICE

 

It's the only way to get better at something you're not used to...so get out and do it and stop wondering and caring what people think of you. Create your own definition of what people should think about you and don't let them be the ones to control how you feel.

[workaholic]

Ok, well I am going to back to my dance class on Monday..and since I've been gone since the week of 4th of July there will have been a long time passed since I saw the girl I'm interested in. I hope to apply those traits tomorrow when I meet her, and with the other girl who's next to me.

 

The other girl thinks that my only interest is biking, because (unfortunately) that is primarily what I told her about my interests! I haven't mentioned that I like to play other sports (off and on) and learn how to swim.

 

Now, we are only relating information about ourselves to one another (what we did during the break). You could tell people that you can't stand this same type of information. Where then, should the conversation focus on to that displays my interest in her and shows my charming personality to her?

This is what I've done before: She talks about what she likes to do on the weekend, and it is so unique to me that I compliment her on that. Then, the conversation stops and we go through warm ups..

 

I know that isn't enough!