I need everyone's advice!

[coolchick]

Hi everyone

I was just wondering, my ex of 4 years broke up with me out of the blue 4 months ago and it was total hell (ive been writing posts on here for quite a while about everything thats happened). He started seeing a new girl for 2 months, whilst telling me that he was just going out with her to get over me and that he wanted to pretend he could have another relationship with someone else like the way ours was. Eventually, there was rumours starting that she was cheating on him. He finished with her immediately despite her saying it wasnt true. He then told me that he had wanted to finish with her for quite a while and this was the perfect reason now. He's asked me back and ive been wary of it. I met up with him and explained that i thought he needed time on his own for a little bit instead of rushing back into another relationship. He said that its only me that he's ever wanted but tried to deny it to himself and that its me he wants back. As much as it kills me, i decided that we would be friends just now and let things cool down before starting a relationship again. He tells me that he doesnt care about this other girl atall, that she was just a rebound thing, but yet he texts her to wind her up and she does the same to him. I asked him why he does this if he doesnt care about her but he said that she took the mickey out of him and he would be angry if it was even a guy that did this. I understand that he's upset but it makes me wonder if he actually does feel something for this girl if he's willing to text her and make her pay for taking the mickey out of him. It also makes me scared that he's only wanting back together with me to get back at her. I know i sound paranoid and he was only going out with her 2 months but i cant help still being hurt after finishing things for no reason and messing up my head with mixed signals the whole way through their relationship. What do you guys think? Do you think its possible for someone to want revenge on someone for taking the mickey out of them but have no feelings for them? I dont want to set myself up for yet another heartbreak

[lady00]

I think if he's serious about getting you back he needs to cut off contact with this other girl. Even if he says he doesn't care for her, on some level he has to otherwise he wouldn't bother text messaging her. I think that you're right to be wary...until he can get himself out of this bizarre text battle with his ex, then he's not ready to be in a new relationship. His excuse for keeping in contact with her is lame. If she didn't mean much to him then he should let it go and forget about her 100% which means stopping playing these petty games with her. Wanting revenge after being betrayed after 2 months by someone he claims not to even like that much is very strange and it makes me think he's not being up front with you about that relationship.

[fate or freewill]

I think the best thing to do here is to take time for yourself.

 

Stay away from him so you can put this relationship in perspective, get over him and grow a little.

 

Sounds like he's undecided about the other girl if he's still texting her and you shouldn't have to or want to be in the middle of that at all!

 

If you've given it 4 months already, some of the pain and hurt has to be resolved, try giving it a few more months of NC, then try contacting if you feel comfortable, then take it really slow from there.

[Fif Angel]

To be honest it all sounds very messy to me.

 

If he really wanted back with then he would be trying his hardest to get back in your affections and that definitely would NOT involve texting this girl.

 

It sounds like he constantly needs something to fall back on-he breaks up with you, starts dating this girl, they break up, he comes back to you but continues to keep in touch with her, txt her etc.

 

It sounds like he doesn`t know what he wants. I think you`ve made the right decision to just stay friends right now. It would be very difficult for you if you launched straight back into a relationsip and, a month or two down the line he decides that he made the right decision after all to break up. You would be broken hearted.

 

If it really hurts you, as Im sure it does, to hear about him

dating this girl, contacting her etc then I think the best thing to do would be to start No Contact. Really, it is too difficult to break up with someone and then immediately become `just friends`. Your emotions are still too raw.

 

If you break contact wth him then it will give you a chance to fully heal your heart and you`ll be in a much stronger position to decide what you want from him i.e friendship

[PlayBrat]

Oh boy....this guy sounds like a real winner (eyeroll).

Sorry...not to be mean but do you not see this guy is such a player??

The guy is still texting his "ex" to get back at her...how mature is that?

If you are still in contact with an ex ...even negative contact...it means you still have unresolved feelings. This guy needs to be shown the door...and the door needs to be firmly locked until he makes a sincere EFFORT to "huff and puff and blow your house down" by trying to get you back. If you take him back NOW, there is no way he will respect you...he needs to EARN it. My opinion of course.

[smallworld]

Coolchick, what does your gut tell you? Based on how he's treated you in the past, what do you think his intentions are? Do you trust him? Does this feel like love to you? And finally would you do the same things to him that he's done to you?

[Hope75]

What exactly is "taking the mickey out of him"?

[coolchick]

Hi everyone,

thank you all so much for your replies, it is very much greatly appreciated. I think ive taken a lot of time to look at the situation and look at my ex for his actions, despite how much in love i am with him. By "taking the mickey", he meant that she was cheating on him and had a laugh behind his back. Although he constantly told me throughout their relationship that they were nothing like the way we used to be, he always gave me mixed signals saying that he missed me and wanted back together with me, but yet he always stayed with her and from one day to the next would change his mind about the way he felt about her. Im so confused just now, i love him still so much and i cant believe that he's asking me back. It was something that i always dreamed of. But now that its happening i cant help feeling a little wary and somewhat angry to be honest. Its only when he thinks that this girl has cheated on him that he finally finishes things with this girl and asks me back. If he really loved and missed me that much why didnt he end things with her sooner. His answer is that he wasnt sure what he wanted and was looking for a reason to end things anyways. But now that its over between them, he still keeps in contact with her. He said he wants to be able to talk to who he wants, when he wants. Am i the one who's wrong? Am i a bad person if at the very beginning of a relationship im asking him to cut all contact with his ex? He's making me feel as tho im the one with the problem coz i dont want him talking to another girl Im not the jealous type and im wondering if im an idiot in this situation, like shelley from coronation street or all those soaps where you scream at the girl "Why are you with him?? Get away!"

[rionmccloud]

What's "Took the Mickey out of him" mean, exactly?

[Jai]

Hey Coolchick I think that if this guy wants to have a relationship with you that he needs to block her texts as other people have said ..... she may have taken everything outta him but the only way hes gonna get it back is to put her outta his life completely and if he blocks her she cant fire him up and he cant fire her up ...... 2 months isnt a life time and it can certainly be gotten over ...... If you love him and really want things to work, the only way your gonna find your real anwser to whether he has feeling for her or not is to tell him if he wants you and him again he needs to block her so that the focus is on you and him and not on him ticking her off or letting her tick him off. Its an interfereance on your relationship with him ..... thats my advice you dont have to take it, its just a suggestion Good luck !!!