xixilovergirlxixi Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 ok so my boyfriend and i have been together since march. Everything was going great until we started fighting all the time. Everytime he would call it would be a fight and i would always hang up crying. He would tell me that he hated me and that i was good for nothing and all types of horrible things but the next day he would apologize and tell me that he loved me and i would accept it only because i loved him with all of my heart. Well like about a week ago i came home from work and he was here with another girl they wernt doing anything but talking but it looked wrong so i ran up to my room and i cryed he told her that she had to leave and he came up there and tryed to calm me down and it didnt work we ended up getting in a huge fight and he hit me thats when i left the house and went to my brothers apartment and stayed the night there. he caleed over 100 times and i didnt answer the phone finally at about 2 in the morning he came to the house and tryed to bring me home. I wouldnt leave with him i was to scared. I am still satying with my brother and his wife and i dont know what to do should i go back to the man i love or kick him out of my house? someone please help me! Link to comment
easyguy Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I think you need to talk to him personally. Relationships will always have their ups and downs, including fights. Communication between the two of you is important. In fact, it's absolutely necessary. Talk to him one on one. That's all the advice I have right now. Maybe someone else could give you some solid advice. Link to comment
smallworld Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 we ended up getting in a huge fight and he hit me thats when i left the house and went to my brothers apartment and stayed the night there. he caleed over 100 times and i didnt answer the phone finally at about 2 in the morning he came to the house and tryed to bring me home. I wouldnt leave with him i was to scared. xixilovergirlxixi, I used to volunteer at a domestic violence shelter and until you mentioned the part about hitting you, I would have said talk to him and work things out. Hitting is a dealbreaker. Once a guy hits you, it's abuse and he's likely to do it again. Rereading your post, I noticed something. Do you see a pattern? It's like the more frustrated he is with you the larger the fights have become and now it's resulted in hitting. The fact that he called 100+ times and then came over at 2am shows shows how little control he has over his emotions. I know you really love him, but love isn't a word, it's actions. If he came to you and said he was sorry and tried to get some kind of help, then I'd say give it another go. But unless he's willing to change, I think you're in for a world of hurt. But you don't have to take my word for it. Talk to your brother and his wife and see what they say. I'm sure they love you and wouldn't want you to be with someone who seems to hurt you more than he loves you. Link to comment
xixilovergirlxixi Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 he didnt hit me hard it didnt leave any marks. i no that hitting is wrong but he said that he can change but i dont know how to believe him Link to comment
smallworld Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 he didnt hit me hard it didnt leave any marks. i no that hitting is wrong but he said that he can change but i dont know how to believe him THIS time he didn't leave any marks. Who knows what will happen next time? Words are just words. I could tell you I'm the Queen of England, but it doesn't make it so. Trust his actions, not his words. If he says "I'll change", ask him "How?" Ask him if he knows why he hit you. If he tells you it was YOUR fault b/c you wouldn't do 'X' or you made him angry, then that's a sign he's the one with the anger problem. No matter what you say or do, no one has a right to lay a finger on you, least of all someone who claims to love you. Btw I don't want to scare you, but I must be honest. This is how domestic violence always starts with a slap, kick, or punch that doesn't leave a "mark." One last thing: Trust your gut. You don't have to listen to a word I say, but if you feel scared around him, then trust that feeling and don't go anywhere alone with him. Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Get out of this relationship as soon as you can. It doesn't matter if he didn't leave a mark when he hit you. This kind of behavior can only escalate as smallworld has said. You've only been with this guy since March! Do you really think things will get better as time goes on? I've been with my girlfriend for more than four years. We don't argue. When you start argueing frequently as early in a relationship as you are with your BF: it's over. The fact that he's hit you, and called you 100 times in a night, shown up at 2AM....I don't know why you're still with this guy. If I were you, I would have gotten the cops involved by now. You're young. Whatever your BF tells you, what you have with him is NOT LOVE. Talk to your parents about this, please. Link to comment
xixilovergirlxixi Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 some guy: my parents died when i was 12 i live with my brother. hes the only family i have left. i have been with him since march of 2004, we have a 3 month old son together. i dont know if i can let him go. Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Oh boy. Your situation is immensely complicated. How old is your brother? I'm assuming he's over the age of 18 and an adult. Since you no longer have your parents, you should tell him. He'll understand. The fact that you two have a child together is what really complicates matters though. You'll be in contact with your BF for the rest of your life because of your child, whether or not you choose to stay together. Still though, the fact that you do have a child with him does not mean you should be forced to be chained to an abusive partner and go through the rest of your life unhappy, which will be a long time yet - you're young. I think you two should try professional counseling together, or perhaps he needs to get counseling for himself. If he refuses or counseling doesn't help, then you really should leave him. If he's not providing any sort of material support for your child, then perhaps gaining sole legal custody of your child and doing NC with him is the way to go. By the way, how old is your BF? I'm assuming he's the same age as you? Link to comment
smallworld Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Some_guy282 has given you some excellent advice. I'd just like to add that you can get help by calling your local YWCA or women's shelter for advice and affordable counseling. These organizations would much rather help you now rather than wait for things to get far more serious. Don't feel embarrassed calling. The counselors often are women who've experienced domestic violence themselves. They understand your fears and concerns and respect your right to decide what you want to do about your situation. Link to comment
dave_1966 Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 I can't believe easyguys advice, the minute a guy hits a woman it's abuse, pure and simple. If it's your house, legally, have him kicked out by any means necessary. Good luck. Link to comment
darkblue Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 I don't think easyguy understood the physical abuse. Get out the relationship NOW. smallworld is right; this time it didn't leave a mark. At first glance, I thought it sounded like emotional abuse, in which case i would have advised you to get out. It's now also physical abuse, he could do it again. Get out. Talk to someone you can trust. Friends/family. Good luck 'n keep us updated. Link to comment
xixilovergirlxixi Posted July 2, 2005 Author Share Posted July 2, 2005 thank you all for helping me. RIght now me and my child are still living with my brother and his wife my boyfriend has started going to therapy and im very proud of the improvment that he is making! he is starting to a much better boyfriend and a great father to his son. thank you all so much. this is the last chance i give him however if he ever hits me again i will not go back im still not ready to move back in with him yet im going to wait a couple months. Link to comment
smallworld Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 Terrific xixilovergirlxixi! I'm happy to hear he recognizes he has an anger problem and is willing to work on it. You sound strong and resolved. Good luck to you both! Link to comment
xixilovergirlxixi Posted July 6, 2005 Author Share Posted July 6, 2005 thank you all for listening. you all have helped alot. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now