i'm still not over the break up and want to give up on life

[plasticheartsandsmiles]

a few of you know my story: a few months ago my boyfriend broke up with me. since then we've remained friends somewhat. one week he talks to me a lot and the next week he kind of blows me off. anyway, besides that, i really cant deal with this anymore. i am so depressed and feel so alone. i have no direction and i'm so anxious all the time i cant deal with it. i'm always worried that he's gonna end up with someone else (and i think he might b/c some girls are flirting with him). he has said that he still cares about me a lot so i mentally cant give up on this. we dated for two years and so ive got a lot invested in our relatinship. i'm in the middle of doing no contact right now and while it helps, i dont think i'm doing it strictly enough. i still see him online and stuff, i just dont talk to him. i havent talked to him in awhile or emailed or anything.

 

i really have no idea what to do. i've never been one to consider taking my life, but gosh sometimes the way im living now is just too hard. i WONT take my life becuase thats stupid, but living this way is TOO much right now. i dont want to be around anyone and all i want to do is escape and run away from everything. i dont know what to do; this emotional turmoil is sucking my life away and i hate living.

 

can anyone offer me any advice to get myself out of this hole?

[Hope75]

The only way you are going to get out of this hole is to let him go and move on. You are hanging onto something he said about still caring for you, and it's ruining your life.

 

The bottom line is that he isn't with you and is standing by his choice not to be with you, and has for several months. How much does that sound like caring?

 

The best way for you to move from where you are is to take control of yourself and let him go, and move on.

 

It will be hard at first, but if you feel like you are stagnant where you stand, you need to hit the ground and start walking.....away from him.

[Celadon]

Hey there - I've been where you are, and I know it sucks but hang in there. You've got a lot to live for, and I'm SURE there is a lot of love in your future.

 

I remained friends with my ex, even as he went off and got interested in someone else. You know what? Your ex is only going to think about himself, no matter what he tells you. That's the bottom line. Don't hang around thinking that he's somehow trying to find a way to get back together with you, because if he wanted to get back together, he'd do it.

 

I don't mean to be mean, but I'm trying to help you see that it's GOOD for you to do no contact, and you're on the right path.

 

How to get out of the hole? A lot of people throw themselves into something else: running, a new hobby, something enjoyable (but healthy). They hang out with new friends, or old ones. They keep busy helping out other people, like visiting seniors who can't get out of the house, or kids with disabilities or something. It's VERY hard to move on if you just have loads of time on your hands. It's important to involve yourself in other people's lives, so you can get your mind off of your ex.

 

I also want to say to you that you DON'T NEED him in order to feel good about life. I know may feel that you need him, but feelings are just feelings. You can fall in love with some new guy just as easily as you fell for him -- I promise you that. Try to believe it.

 

Keep posting here as you need to vent. That's what the forum's here for.

[fate or freewill]

You gotta do what works for you to get over this relationship and take care of yourself, I think NC is the best way here.

 

I bought a few books on relationships and breaking up and they gave me a good plan on how to handle the situaiton.

 

Try to stay active, I know the hours and days go by so slow it's ridiculous, but in the past 3 weeks of NC I've managed to sign up for college, exercise almost everyday, see my family and friends and of course read 3 books.

[savannahohsavannah]

Last school year I was in the same spot as you and just could not let go of a bf that I'd broken up with in July the summer before. We saw each other at the library and it was heartbreaking to remember how he'd hurt me with cheating and lies and the fact that I still loved. And then lo and behold I got a new job and suddenly, I was at home on my computer when I had work to do! I was not at school and I didn't see him anymore for LONG PERIODS of time. The pain that I felt lessened for me. And I was suddenly, early this winter, free of IT, that awful breakup and love experience where there is no future.

 

Let go of IT, and do NC. I promise, it works!!!!!