Annoying conversations at work

[BellaDonna]

In my job, part of my duties when working with a client is to offer career counseling. I've noticed a trend which is hard for me to ignore and which has become very very annoying.

 

1.) Students well over 18 often arrive to appointments with their parents. I can tell the parents have "forced themselves" into the appointments, and all they do is interrupt their kids and tell them what they "should" be doing which makes their appointment with me ineffective.

 

2.) Women sometimes show up with their husbands. 99% of the time the husband is not in a supporting role, but interrupts, negates what his wife is saying, etc. This morning I had a client whose husband interrupted the both of us during the appointment several times. He even told this wife she "didn't know what the Hell she was doing" and started criticizing her. It's hard for me to sit there when some people are clearly possessive/sexist, yet at the same time I MUST maintain professional behavior and try to ignore it.

 

I guess when you deal with the public you will invetiably come accross such people, but it makes it much harder to do my job when there's possessive parents/spouses that try to dominate the whole time and won't let the client and I accomplish what we need to.

 

This is what I have done so far to try to minimize this, ANY OTHER TIPS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED:

 

*When a parent/spouse acts overbearing/rude, I no longer make eye contact with them. During the appointment I will continue to look only in the eyes of the client and verbally address him/her directly.

 

*I refuse to refer to the client in the 3rd person when he/she is right there in front of me (yet the overbearing parent/spouse always tries to do this.)

 

* If the client is interrupted, I will then ask, "I'm sorry (name), what were you saying, again? I didn't get to hear the whole thing".

 

Keep in mind that I have had some parents/spouses that have been excellant during appointments- but the majority have been rude and I get the feeling they force their way into the appointment.

 

I also can't tell clients that they can't take someone else, because some of the clients I help have disabilities and like to have an advocate, parent, or spouse with them to help. However, I wish I could weed out the rude people.

 

I find it harder and harder to do my job and just sit there and watch another person be degraded.

 

Help!

[DN]

You could try saying "Thank you for your input, but to be able to properly help X I need to be hear what s/he has to say in his/her own words, particularly as s/he will be attending job interviews alone".

[ComputerGuy]

I think your best bet would be to just politely say that you only need to see the person who's SUPPOSED to be there. Like whenever you go to the doctor and both people go to get up and the doctor says "That's OK I only need ".

 

I can relate to the thing with people 18 and thereabouts having parents go in with them to stuff like that. When I was living with my grandparents, my Nanna kept going into the places with me even after I made it known I would rather she didnt, and then she would interrupt all the time, add her bit in, and say stuff that I was getting to. It didn't help me and all it did was frustrate the hell out of me. I eventually had to ask her to stay in the car or I'm not going at all.

[ducky]

*I refuse to refer to the client in the 3rd person when he/she is right there in front of me (yet the overbearing parent/spouse always tries to do this.)

 

I have a suggestion here. I'm not in your shoes, so probably don't feel your frustration, but I find that it helps to pay more attention to the very people that you're trying to ignore sometimes.

 

Nobody likes to be ignored. Everyone likes to feel important. The more you ignore someone, the more effort he'll put in to make himself feel important. Usually, he'll do that by interrupting you more often, and disagreeing with you on most points. To him, that's the only thing he can do to grab your attention.

 

it makes it much harder to do my job when there's possessive parents/spouses that try to dominate the whole time and won't let the client and I accomplish what we need to.

 

In fact, these people are like the ones you describe above

 

*When a parent/spouse acts overbearing/rude, I no longer make eye contact with them. During the appointment I will continue to look only in the eyes of the client and verbally address him/her directly.

 

Let's try a different strategy altogether. Ignore your client! Give all the attention to rude parent/spouse! Try to see things from his/her point of view! Agree with everything he/she says!

 

After giving him the feeling of importance that he so sorely wants, move on to talk to him about his personal life, his interests... throw him off guard. Slowly, you'll notice how his attitude changes from aggressive to cordial.

 

When you're you feel that you've earned his trust, tell him that you need to speak to your client in private. I hope he'll be more accomodating now.

 

 

However, I wish I could weed out the rude people.

Well, unfortunately, there's nothing we can do to change rude people. What we can do is to try to be more accomodating towards them. Rude people don't expect to be treated politely, that's why they always seem to be ready to pick a fight with you. By totally ignoring them, you're just adding to their conviction.

 

Change your strategy! Shower rude people with all the attention and courtesy in the world! It'll be hard for them not to reciprocate.

 

Hope this helps, all the best!

[BellaDonna]

Change your strategy! Shower rude people with all the attention and courtesy in the world! It'll be hard for them not to reciprocate.

 

 

Ah....the kill them with kindness approach...Well I suppose ANYTHING is worth a try at this point, since it drives me crazy

 

I just hope giving the extra attention doesn't reinforce the rude behavior and make it seem socially acceptable.

 

We'll see I guess....