My Fiance and I fight so much I fear she is losing interest

[jenrob]

I posted a message a few weeks ago on this forum abut my Fiance and I fighting all the time over raising her kids. I am not sure if it's the kids we are fighting about or just that we can't get along. I have been with her for almost a year now. We have been living together for 10 months. Our fights are so intense that I have packed up and left for 1/2 a day until I realize I can't be without her. She told me a few weeks ago it's over and had me so convinced of that I packed up almost everything and left. She called me at work later that night and said she loved me and wanted us to work. Later she said she said she wanted it over to "Teach me a lesson" and to keep me from fighting with her. She seems to think I start all the fights, I feel she is at fault with some of the fights. Anyway I can't shake the feeling she is almost ready to quit now. She says I am "Projecting" and I say no, I am happy, but I am scared for us. She get's very upset and angry when I question her loyalty and love. She can't accept the fact when she said it was over and then later said she didn't mean that, but rather to teach me a lesson, the trust has been damaged, and I need her help to get that back. I remember when we met, her family, her kids friends said they havn't seen her that happy in their lives. Now I can hardly get her to smile! How can I tell if she really does care or if she is just scared to end it.

 

Help!

[wierdo]

ok, so i don't know the whole situation, but this seems a little weird.

 

she was trying to teach you a lesson, you question her loyalty and love...

what the? are you guys in high school?

 

I think you guys need to take stock of what you are doing. you can't mess around like that with kids in the house.. you'll mess with their poor little heads.

 

you both need to have a discussion about boundaries, respect and your future. because arguing will get you no where. it really wont, because people generally end up going around in circles with arguments, and never resolve anything.

 

as for her kids, come up with an action plan if you want to stay together. they need you together, a unified front. you may just have to accept that they ARE HER kids, and she has done it so far without help. If you want to keep her, then don't go imposing things on her style. it builds resentment. trust me.

 

if i introduce a person to my son, there is a flat out understanding that they are on probation. any interference in the early months, and get the hell out. it's because it's hard enough raising kids without another one (ie.. you) .. seriously, teaching you a lesson... it shows that she feels superior, and your questioning her loyalty and love.. she's a mum, and probably tired and drained and does not need your crap. don't expect a happy reception.

 

i'm not trying to dump on you, i'm just trying to offer insight. I don't know how many times guys have come accross as "i can rescue you from your unhappiness". newsflash.. chicks don't need rescuing. we need someone to talk to at the end of the day. someone to say "you're doing the right thing" when you enforce some discipline and the kids suddenly hate you. Someone to cook tea a few nights a week an not expect fall down gratitude. and would it kill you to give a backrub that doesn't turn into a gropefest?

 

no that last one i made up. As i said, i don't know all the details, but i can just imagine that it hasn't been pleasantville at your place lately.

i am a single mum, and i have a "buddy" that my son doesn't know. That's because it's easier than having a relationship where i feel i have to explain my day to someone else. be grateful that you have found each other. remember why you fell in love in the first place. it will all work out if it's meant to be. you will have to work at it though.. good luck

[marijo2480]

I agree with weirdo. Why exactly are you fighting so much? If you're at the point of being engaged with one another, you shouldn't be having these silly fights. Why do you question her love and loyalty? What has she done to have caused you to feel this way? Maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship and decide whether or not the both of you should go ahead with a marriage.

 

She has kids, which means that she's up for zero bs. If you've met her family and kids, that alone says how serious she is with you. You have moved in and packed out half day. What kind of example is that for her kids? If you question her love b/c she threatened to end the relationship, she should question yours as you walked out yourself. In a relationship like the one you two have right now, I too would be scared of divorce.

 

Sit down, discuss your conflicts, find a solution, and decide whether or not to continue living together, and more importantly, continue with your plans to marry. Good luck!

[heloladies21]

Hmm...Things need to cool down a lot. Situation is too emotionally charged and that's when people can do stupid things like "teach people a lesson" for example. Go into No Contact for a little while and see how things feel in a few weeks. If she calls you, take things slow or else relationship will break up again. If not, stay in NC and move on because she's the one who broke it off and it's her choice to want to try again or not.