I know it's the end, I just need closure

[SpyderE]

Ok so the story goes, my ex and I broke up about 2 1/2 months ago, I knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do but still I was devistated (sp), the break up was a quiet one, no yelling, harsh words, pleading etc. basically we said we were taking a "break"... yea...right.... So I did the NC thing up until today, I need to close this thing out, to get my head straight, so I broke NC and called her, I still have a few things of hers and I asked her if she wanted me to mail them to her, she asked if they were cute... clothing etc... um... yea how to answer that one, I won't be beaten for the answer anymore ...

So we ended up talking for about a half hour about what we had been up to and what was going on in each other's lives. Turns out that her mother is pissed at her for breaking up with me... eh what can I say, parent's love me, even if my ex dosen't anymore.

I asked her if we could get together for lunch sometime to hash out what was left and put an end to this once and for all. I still love her with all of my heart and will continue to but I know it is over and I know I am to blame for most of it, I didn't show her how much she meant to me every day, I should have. I will have to live with that from now on but I need to move on, with this break idea in my head it is giving me false hope, I know it won't happen but that litle voice keeps saying what if. Well I intend to kill that voice once and for all, if I can... I expect we will sit down, go over some general BS eat, then go outside talk things out, good times bad times etc. She will say that it is over and she wants to be friends, I will tell her that it will take a long time before I will be able to be just friends. I would be extatic if I got a chance to do it over, but realistically it won't happen.

i have been out on a few dates since my ex and I split, some of the girls have been everything I thought I would ever want, yet there was something missing, I still have that voice telling me to wait just a little longer... need to get rid of that voice and move on with my life.

Anyways, thanks for reading this, it helps to just put what i am feeling in writing, it's a release of some sorts.

I love her with all that I am and want to move past this but I know it will take time. I wish she could find this board and read what I have wrote. I figure it would not change anything but at least she would know I still love her very much. I wish her the very best, I hope that she moves on to have a happy life, even if it's with out me. I know I wish we could get back together but if she wouldn't be happy back together, then I would not want it.

 

As I ramble on... Our relationship began more as her coming on to me, I did not really want to get into anything at the time but just started hanging out more and more and things went from there, in the first half of the time we were together she definitly put more into the relationship that I did, I was still up in the air. it wasn't until this past year that I had a come to jesus with myself and really figured out what i wanted, i wanted her. She is cute, funny, active just overall fun to be with. It turns out I figured that out too late, I guess that's why it hurt so bad when it was over, I had gotten over my hesitancies (sp) and hers had just crept up.

 

thanks again for reading this, I wish everyone the best in their own trials and tribulations.

 

E

[itry]

hey E... it sounds like ur break up was amicable...u were not a jerk to her and she was not a jerk to u. timing seemed off...u never know...ur paths may cross again. ur only 24. .. how long were u guys together?

 

u sounded as if u were almost writing this TO her...u really had no real questions asking?..and u seem like u know exactly what ur doing...

 

im not sure why..but ur post lifted up my spirits a bit... lol maybe i was pretending u were my ex telling me that u still loved me.

 

 

if it was amicable and she seemed truly the one that made u happy..and she seems to still have feelings for u.. then dont let a good thing go ok? its a cold cold world out there...

[SpyderE]

I wrote this right after speaking to her, I guess I wrote all the things I wanted to say but didn't.

 

As for knowing what I am doing... I don't have a clue, all i do know is i do still love her and hope for the best but expect the worst. I am almost positive we are over, at least for the time being. and to be brutally honest, it might be the best thing for both of us. We have been going out for 3 years, both of ua are still fairly young, and don't want to get married quite so soon, not that marrying her wouldn't make me very happy, I just think that we still need to do our own thing for awhile before setteling down.

 

She did make me happy, I didn't show it as much as I should have. As for not letting a good thing go, well as the saying goes if you truly love someone you have to be able to let them go. If there was a way I could fix things and we could be back together again and happy again, I would do it in a heart beat.

 

Thanks for the reply, even though I didn't ask a question. thanks for helping me out with what I am going through.

 

Love is a b!tch sometimes, it took me a long time to finally open up to someone. But you know, you can never really love someone if you don't let them in. Even if it kills you in the end you will be happier knowing you gave the relationship your all.

 

 

I hope things work out for you as well, if you even need someone to talk/write to you can hit me up on the IM. I may be full of it sometimes but I'll call it as I see it.

 

good luck and thanks,

 

E