Does it get better?

[lostNheartbroken]

I'm just wondering how long it takes to get over someone you love. I haven't talked to my ex fiance since January, it's now june and not a day has gone by without my thinking of her. I've spent $8500 on drugs in the last few months. I'm now sober, but went through a phase where I was drinking a 5th a night of gin or vodka for a few months. I'm still deppressed, when my friends talk to me they always ask me what's wrong, they know I'm not myself and I havent been since she left me.

 

When I find a girl I'm attracted to I blow her off, even if she comes on to me. I'm just hesitant to fall back into this painful cycle again. Is it really worth it to fall in love?

[ecg1228]

How long were you two together and can I ask why she left?

 

It doesn't feel like it now, but it does get better. You will look back and it will just be a remembrance of the pain, but not the actual pain. Right now, allow yourself to go through the grief and know that it is normal. Also try to talk to someone about it if you can (and/or post here and talk to us). It helps to learn how other people coped.

 

I'm glad that you are sober now...I know that the only option seems to be to numb yourself so that you don't think about it so much. Stay focused on turning that temptation around.

 

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?

-Mary Manin Morrisey

[Geobronc]

It can take time, sometimes years. I am still in love with my first real strong girlfriend from 1983. Its a matter of going on and finding someone new. My suggestion. Login to Yahoo Personals and make a profile and start looking for someone to date. There are others, you will see that in time. many who are looking for a guy like you. I hope this helps.

[Hope75]

Congratulations on being sober now, but have you had a chance to deal with your feelings for you ex and with your addiction?

 

I wonder if you've sought any type of counselling, I really think it would be helpful to you.

 

At least if you could talk with an objective professional, it might help you work through your feelings of rejection or failure, and help you to understand what you need to do in order to make yourself healthy and whole before you begin to pursue someone else.

 

That sounds like a pretty serious drug habit you had going for awhile, and I'm sure there are some issues stemming from that time in your life as well.

 

Good luck, and please do consider some therapy.

[smallworld]

You don't sound ready to date and that's okay. Just take care of yourself for now. Drugs/alcohol temporarily numb pain, but unfortunately they also delay healing, so it's no surprise that you're still feeling depressed. I agree with Hope. Get counseling. If you can't afford it, you might want to look to AA for an affordable source of group therapy (whether or not alcohol is still a problem with you). Good luck!

[reflectionlessmirror]

hey, check out my latest post! This is the first time i have smiled in months, and you will too!