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Boyfriend has a set number of years that he wants to date before getting engaged


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10 hours ago, abykann said:

. He had a bad habit of letting his concerns/annoyances build up to the breaking point instead of talking them out because he hated conflict. He's made huge improvements on this though which is why we haven't been having these blow-up fights. V taking a job outside of the city when he finisbed school but I told him I wouldn't be moving with him . 

 You're over investigating and driving the relationship. Including letting him move into your house. He's a student? How old is he and what does his financial situation look like?

Please reconsider this move and engagement. Please Google "Peter Pan syndrome". He seems immature at best. Is he much younger than you?  How is it he's a student and you're a homeowner? 

From your previous threads there were multiple issues all along even before you made the mistake of letting him move in.

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18 hours ago, boltnrun said:

My BIL flip flopped like crazy but it was deliberate. He wanted his girlfriend to stay but he didn't want to actually marry her. So he pretended to want marriage but never followed through. It wasn't out of fear but, frankly, out of  selfishness. 

So if the OP' s boyfriend doesn't necessarily want to end the relationship but also doesn't want to get married he could pretend he wants marriage sometime in the future (after five years) but what he really wants is to stall. Possibly. 

This also happened tragically to my sister. He even eventually proposed, but then after they bought the house it all came tumbling down. 11 years of putting her off. 
 

He didn’t have an anxiety disorder. He was just an a**hole. 

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1 minute ago, mylolita said:

This also happened tragically to my sister. He even eventually proposed, but then after they bought the house it all came tumbling down. 11 years of putting her off. 
 

He didn’t have an anxiety disorder. He was just an a**hole. 

Yep, my BIL isn't "afraid", he just doesn't want to get married. For whatever reason. 

And his siblings (except for one of his brothers who happens to be my ex husband...) all have successful, happy marriages. So it's not like oh, he witnessed his relatives getting hosed when their marriages broke up so he doesn't want the same thing to happen to him! He just doesn't want marriage. But he liked living with a girlfriend and whatever benefits he got from that situation. He needs to find a woman who also doesn't want marriage.

I'm wondering how the OP is doing.

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Yep, my BIL isn't "afraid", he just doesn't want to get married. For whatever reason. 

And his siblings (except for one of his brothers who happens to be my ex husband...) all have successful, happy marriages. So it's not like oh, he witnessed his relatives getting hosed when their marriages broke up so he doesn't want the same thing to happen to him! He just doesn't want marriage. But he liked living with a girlfriend and whatever benefits he got from that situation. He needs to find a woman who also doesn't want marriage.

I'm wondering how the OP is doing.

I wager normally mischievous reasons - they know fine well what they’re doing! 

 

Some people get away with what they can get away with. 
 

I truly hope things are resolved and maybe the OP can come to terms with potentially finding a better match where values and goals align for the future! 
 

x
 

 

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It sounds like there's some confusion and frustration in your relationship, which is totally understandable. Each person has their own timeline for major decisions like marriage, but it's essential to communicate openly about expectations. It's concerning that your boyfriend's timeline doesn't seem to have a clear basis. In my opinion, an honest conversation about your relationship goals and timelines is crucial. You deserve clarity and respect in your relationship. Remember, your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be with someone who values and respects your needs and aspirations.

 
 
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