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Wandering eye during a date...


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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I brought up about that man I was involved with and physical strength because he felt being physically stronger made him superior to women in ALL ways. And he looked down on women as "weak", overly emotional and completely helpless without a man. I'm not just talking about needing a man to move the fridge or change a flat tire or fight off an intruder. He thought his physical strength not only made him smarter and more capable than women but that it also gave him the right to treat women as objects and as existing only for his pleasure and convenience.

I doubt anyone's husband who's physically stronger treats his wife as an inferior being unworthy of respect. Not in good marriages anyway. 

This must have been quite something Bolt as in all my years I have never, ever come across a man who thinks like that! 
 

You got exceptionally unlucky. Or misunderstood him.

 

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18 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Ridiculous feminist stuff all the time all day long on here, the statements drive me barmy. 

Wow, just wow.  Why are you even here if you feel that way?  Serious question.

I clearly stated I am not a "feminist" so it's unclear why you would make such a statement in response to my post. 

I also agreed with you earlier that generally speaking men are biologically stronger than women.  How that could be interpreted as "ridiculous feminist stuff" is beyond my realm of comprehension.

In any event, I would never label another poster's opinion(s) "ridiculous feminist stuff."   I consider that disrespectful to your fellow members, all because they have a different opinion from you and have observed the world differently from you?

Personally, I cannot stand such labels and view every person and every situation differently depending on the people and whatever they are experiencing or have experienced.  

And even IF what I discussed in previous only happened once or twice (which it hasn't, it happens quite often if one opens their minds to different experiences people encounter), it doesn't make it "untrue" or "misleading" to post about.

Anyway, again as I have said, I do respect your opinion and will leave it there.  

I suppose one could refute literally anything posted on this forum and if that's your cup of tea, go for it @mylolita.

I am politely exiting this conversation, it's become pointless not to mention off topic.

It appears @Sindy_0311has made peace with the situation (topic of this thread) which is all that matters at the end of the day.

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5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Wow, just wow.  Why are you even here if you feel that way?  Serious questions.

I clearly stated I am not a "feminist" so it's unclear why you would make such a statement in response to my post.

Nor would I ever label another poster's opinion(s) "ridiculous feminist stuff."   I consider that disrespectful to your fellow members, all because they have a different opinion from you and have observed the world differently from you?

Personally, I cannot stand such labels and view every person and every situation differently depending on the people and whatever they are experiencing or have experienced.  

And even IF what I discussed in previous only happened once or twice (which it hasn't, it happens quite often if one opens their minds to different experiences people encounter), it doesn't make it "untrue" or "misleading" to post about.

Anyway, again as I have said, I do respect your opinion and will leave it there.  

I suppose one could refute literally anything posted on this forum and if that's your cup of tea, go for it.

I am politely exiting this conversation, it's become pointless not to mention off topic.

It appears @Sindy_0311has made peace with the situation (topic of this thread) which is all that matters at the end of the day.

Well done!

 

I apologise - women kick a**, we flip cars, we do all of that - we can be physically even to men if we just “work out and train martial arts”.

 

I stand corrected! Happens all the time. My bad for generalising once again. We obviously have to take every single individual thing that could ever possibly happen, blow it up to seem like a near average, and accept that or else you’re the bad guy! 
 

And I don’t know if you read here often but, it’s 80% women trashing men. Unless you’re on a different site. And the other 20% is women trashing women. Sometimes you get suicidal young men being told to go away and just volunteer because they can not get a date - that’s another aspect. Or therapy, for everything. Apart from that, it’s real useful! 
 

People can make gender blanket statements as long as it’s the “tasteful in vogue type” but you’re not allowed to correct them when factually out of this world. 
 

Fair! 

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Sindy, I am glad you have come to peace with your date 🤣 apologies for defending the facts. Lolita fact check is not allowed I see, so I’ll stay stum on this one! I am well reminded no one wants to hear the “alternative” view!
 

All the best, apologies for off threading! 
 

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2 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I don’t think women are as strong as men. If a man and a woman workout exactly the same, the man will develop more muscles and strength, its just biology. 

About that man, I have to say that until he did it I was in an observation mode. He would say stuff like “I hope we will make it work between us” or “next time I will take you there, we will do this together etc…” I somehow sensed that he was just looking for a girlfriend, no matter whom he has in front of him. He also confessed that he doesn’t like to be single in general… He was already calling me cute name after our first date which I found a bit weird. After we kissed on the second meet I thought to myself, so now what? …The kiss came to soon and somehow, I already felt bored. Maybe the reason why I jumped on the occasion to end the date. Idk. But you are all right, we didn’t click. He was very good looking, somehow interesting but we were not in a/our bubble. When he left, I felt relieved, that I could continue spending the night interreacting with other people. 

One thing I thought about today: When we got divorced, me and my ex-husband, we were very close and telling each other about our dating life. At some point he confessed that he does checks other girls, and was doing it when we were married, but I never saw it. He also told me that the first time we met, he wasn’t really attracted to me. He found I was too skinny, he didn’t like my hair, etc… But he “saw” something in me. He never made me jealous or second guess his attraction towards me for 10 years. He was just so sure about me that it was enough. After our divorce, I saw him interact and talk to girls he wasn’t attracted to and his tone was very disrespectful sometimes. Same man, other women… So I do think that somehow a man CAN behave when he has real genuine interest for a woman… (which means that the other dude just wasn’t into me enough to behave for one entire date IMO) No big deal, just another great experience... 

I would just look at it as 2 incompatible people. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you and I wouldn't let it affect my future dating. Some people just don't connect or click and that's okay. It's better to realize it early on rather than waste each other's time. Don't let this one experience make you question your worth or ability to attract someone. Just keep dating and you'll find someone who is compatible with you and treats you with respect.

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2 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I would just look at it as 2 incompatible people. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you and I wouldn't let it affect my future dating. Some people just don't connect or click and that's okay. It's better to realize it early on rather than waste each other's time. Don't let this one experience make you question your worth or ability to attract someone. Just keep dating and you'll find someone who is compatible with you and treats you with respect.

Dating fatigue is kicking in… I’ll take a break. 
According to the « off topic » about women and men’s strength, I think it deserves a new thread someday… Like  every discussion in real life, the topic often slips and this is also what makes these exchanges so interesting. 🙌🏻

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2 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Dating fatigue is kicking in… I’ll take a break. 
According to the « off topic » about women and men’s strength, I think it deserves a new thread someday… Like  every discussion in real life, the topic often slips and this is also what makes these exchanges so interesting. 🙌🏻

Thanks for being so cool about it Sindy! 
 

I know it technically “ain’t the rules” but God how boring and dry would things be if we robotically replied do this this and this 🤣🤣🤣

 

And to the idea of that thread and my further input? 

IMG_0775.jpeg

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I’m just not sure why other than in specific situations it matters who is stronger. I’m no scientist. So in my pretty little head lol I assume men are physically stronger. But not like in a competitive way. Just more like a fact. In general.

 I’m not like I am woman hear me roar. I think I am stronger than my husband in certain ways - and he is stronger than me in others but I’m not limiting it to physical at all. Right now I think my back is stronger. Because I take care of myself a little better - stretching /types of exercise- but that’s because I injured my lower back during the pandemic because I worked out differently and wasn’t careful. So I paid for it and now I’m much more careful.

He seems to have more weakness in his back so I guess I am stronger. He is stronger in math and science. I am stronger in multitasking especially in matters of parenting and we both think I am stronger in communicating to get what we are entitled to whether it’s a medical bill or a cable bill or an Amazon mess up or travel issues.
 

And I don’t mean I am the B word lol but we know I likely should be the spouse who handles it while he handles the math stuff with our son ! It’s all good.

 

Is any of it based on sexist assumptions? Yup. I bet it is. But it feels fair and works for us. However if he ogled a woman and justified it based on some stereotype or he objectified women - for me that would be a thousand times no. Maybe not for someone else.
 

Open my pickle jar offer to hold the door offer to carry my heavy box and do so with some perhaps gendered “I am your man and I am stronger “ but not gonna hear “I am a man and men ogle women especially if we’re a bit bored. We can help it but it’s soooo hard. I’m trying to break the habit my sweet pea. “. No thanks. So Sindy I’d have done the same. Totally understand why someone else might feel differently. I am sorry you have dating fatigue! 

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10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I’m just not sure why other than in specific situations it matters who is stronger. I’m no scientist. So in my pretty little head lol I assume men are physically stronger. But not like in a competitive way. Just more like a fact. In general.

 I’m not like I am woman hear me roar. I think I am stronger than my husband in certain ways - and he is stronger than me in others but I’m not limiting it to physical at all. Right now I think my back is stronger. Because I take care of myself a little better - stretching /types of exercise- but that’s because I injured my lower back during the pandemic because I worked out differently and wasn’t careful. So I paid for it and now I’m much more careful.

He seems to have more weakness in his back so I guess I am stronger. He is stronger in math and science. I am stronger in multitasking especially in matters of parenting and we both think I am stronger in communicating to get what we are entitled to whether it’s a medical bill or a cable bill or an Amazon mess up or travel issues.
 

And I don’t mean I am the B word lol but we know I likely should be the spouse who handles it while he handles the math stuff with our son ! It’s all good.

 

Is any of it based on sexist assumptions? Yup. I bet it is. But it feels fair and works for us. However if he ogled a woman and justified it based on some stereotype or he objectified women - for me that would be a thousand times no. Maybe not for someone else.
 

Open my pickle jar offer to hold the door offer to carry my heavy box and do so with some perhaps gendered “I am your man and I am stronger “ but not gonna hear “I am a man and men ogle women especially if we’re a bit bored. We can help it but it’s soooo hard. I’m trying to break the habit my sweet pea. “. No thanks. So Sindy I’d have done the same. Totally understand why someone else might feel differently. I am sorry you have dating fatigue! 

100% agree Batya.   Well said and thank you for posting it! 

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