Wandering eye during a date...

[boltnrun]

That gross man I mentioned who would say offensive things about women's physical attributes while I was out in public with him and I did have that "click" (albeit mostly on a physical level) but he just didn't respect women. He felt women were great for sex and for things like cooking and doing his laundry for him but he didn't feel they were his equals as far as physical strength or ability to get things done or make decisions. He also saw women as helpless without a man. So his general lack of respect for women carried over into seeing them as objects or as something that exists solely for his pleasure. And that's why he felt free to comment loudly on their breasts or behinds.

I can't say that this man you were out with feels the same way, but he certainly didn't behave respectfully.

[rainbowsandroses]

51 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

That gross man I mentioned who would say offensive things about women's physical attributes while I was out in public with him and I did have that "click" (albeit mostly on a physical level) but he just didn't respect women

How do you even "click" with a person like that though?  You mentioned it was based on mostly the physical, the click I'm referring to goes beyond merely the physical. 

It's a mutual energy/chemistry happening between both people that transcends merely the physical. Although physical attraction IS important but it's more.

I'm wondering now (not just from this thread) if most people (or some people) have ever even experienced that type of click. 

Speaking for myself even if the gross guy whom you described above looked like a young Brad Pitt, I wouldn't want him touching me!  I don't allow gross men to touch me.  And I would have politely excused myself when he first started in with that BS. 

And have!  Which is what I meant when saying the number of socially unaware and offensive people there are online shocked me.  And perhaps even off but found it more so online.

I mean even if he does disrespect women or has a low opinion of them, keep it to your freaking self while on a date FFS. Common decency and courtesy.

On second thought, yes please show me what an a**hole you are!   So I don't waste any of my precious time with you. 

Big fat ICK. 

 

 

 

 

[mylolita]

43 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

That gross man I mentioned who would say offensive things about women's physical attributes while I was out in public with him and I did have that "click" (albeit mostly on a physical level) but he just didn't respect women. He felt women were great for sex and for things like cooking and doing his laundry for him but he didn't feel they were his equals as far as physical strength or ability to get things done or make decisions. He also saw women as helpless without a man. So his general lack of respect for women carried over into seeing them as objects or as something that exists solely for his pleasure. And that's why he felt free to comment loudly on their breasts or behinds.

I can't say that this man you were out with feels the same way, but he certainly didn't behave respectfully.

Sorry, but in what world is a woman physically equal to a man? 
 

This is biologically and factually incorrect. He may have been off the mark, but he was completely correct on that one. 
 

I know in 2024 there’s this want for women to be kicking a** and takin’ names - but let’s not suspend reality to have it so! 
 

x

[rainbowsandroses]

@mylolitaI know of women who could take a man down easily.  Women into martial arts, kickboxing and the like.  I've seen it.  

It's actually not out of the realm of possibility that she might be physically stronger than he is.

This thread isn't about that though. I was simply responding to your post. 

In THIS thread (1) they didn't click and (2) guy behaved in a disrespectful manner for reasons previously stated. 

My opinion and @Sindy_0311 opinion so she nexted. 

Another woman might have a completely different reaction and would be OK with it. 

Reactions to behaviors are always subjective imo. 

 

 

[yogacat]

7 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I know of women who could take a man down easily.  Women into martial arts, kickboxing and the like.  I've seen it.  

It's not actually out of the realm of possibility that she might be physically stronger than he is.

This thread isn't about that though. I was simply responding to your post. 

In THIS thread (1) they didn't click and (2) guy behaved in a disrespectful manner for reasons previously stated. 

My opinion and @Sindy_0311 opinion so she nexted. 

Another different woman might have a completely different reaction and would be OK with it. 

Reactions are subjective.

Right. But if he equally trained, the girl would most likely have no chance. He has longer reach, and muscles compared to an equally trained girl. But yeah, back to topic, in this situation they just didn't click. That sucks. Back to the dregs of fish in the sea.....

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Right. But if he equally trained, the girl would most likely have no chance. He has longer reach, and muscles compared to an equally trained girl. But yeah, back to topic, in this situation they just didn't click. That sucks. Back to the dregs of fish in the sea.....

Yes of course if the guy is equally trained. 

I agree but wasn't referring to that, I was speaking in the general that there are women who could physically overpower a man in some circumstances.

[MrMan1983]

In my opinion you handled it the right way. Sounds like a pattern of behaviour and certainly not something I would do on a date with someone I liked. I get that people look around and may very briefly glance but if he's overtly looking at titties and ass raising his eyebrows right in front of you imagine what he would be like when he's out on his own or with mates. Maybe he gets his camera out 😂

[mylolita]

16 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@mylolitaI know of women who could take a man down easily.  Women into martial arts, kickboxing and the like.  I've seen it.  

It's actually not out of the realm of possibility that she might be physically stronger than he is.

This thread isn't about that though. I was simply responding to your post. 

In THIS thread (1) they didn't click and (2) guy behaved in a disrespectful manner for reasons previously stated. 

My opinion and @Sindy_0311 opinion so she nexted. 

Another woman might have a completely different reaction and would be OK with it. 

Reactions to behaviors are always subjective imo. 

 

 

Oh my Lord I knew we would get this! 
 

You get the best female kick fighter and yes, she could probably do very well taking on your average to below average male, but she still wouldn’t stand much of a chance against a normal sized and fairly handy, regular bloke.

 

My husband was a featherweight boxer and a kick-boxer. You get a few women like this, but if a man who’s much bigger than them pins them down, it still will be mostly game over. This is why in boxing you don’t have a heavy weight on a lightweight. They are both very handy, but the weight and dynamics and reach - is simply dangerous and unfair. 
 

x

[Coily]

I think his taking a peek is just an internal reason for a culmination of various things that just weren't sending you over the moon about this guy. If you were really into him, he could have had his tongue hanging out and panting, and you could have ignored it.

Okay not you specifically, but a lot of us will ignore flags when we are all really into someone on the other end of the table. It's okay to just pass on the guy if he's not your cup of tea. I think this is a topic where a level of projection we all paint this kind of action as a relationship killer.

 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

Oh my Lord I knew we would get this! 
 

Lol, I wasn't trying to get into anything, I was responding to your post, that's all. 

I do however have a clarification to make!

If speaking only biologically with no other factors at play like MA or strength training, I agree with you that men are typically physically stronger than women. 😀

[boltnrun]

My husband and I had our share of issues but I can't recall a single instance where I was aware of him checking out another woman in my presence. Did he do it? Sure, possibly. But I never noticed if he did. He was super, super into me for the first five or six years and I don't believe at that point he thought another woman had it over me. And even when things began to go south for us I still never observed him looking appreciatively at another woman. 

[boltnrun]

Side note, I have had men tell me they could never fathom giving birth or even having monthly periods. One man I knew whose wife had just had a baby told me he had a new respect for women and their strength and fortitude after watching her give birth. 

Can I lift heavy things or slam down a man? Probably not. But I went through twelve hours of labor and gave birth without a drop of anesthesia 🤷‍♀️ 

Annndddd...super off topic so my apologies, but I think it's marginally relevant to men respecting women (and some who do not).

[mylolita]

6 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Lol, I wasn't trying to get into anything, I was responding to your post, that's all. 

I do however have a clarification to make!

If speaking only biologically with no other factors at play like MA or strength training, I agree with you that men are physically stronger than women. 😀

Even a trained female MA fighter will be no match for a slightly bigger, average to normal man! 
 

It’s massively exaggerated in the movies! 
 

Sorry to break it to all the women out there who have maybe watched a bit too much of Angelina Jolie at 100lbs kicking the a** of 6 marines 🤣

 

I don’t want to be like “well I got this” and it’s not an aspect of my character I ever mention because I actually find it very ungainly but, I got a junior black belt in ju-jitsu when I was 16 and my husband is an ex cage fighter. I’m a middle class girl who married a working class guy who came from a brutally rough part of England in the 80s. I’m quite streetwise and know the score. 
 

Seen some cat fights in my time being a stripper working in gangster ran clubs, seen people pull guns on people and have them taken off them (not like in the movies!) seen people realise knives are truly scarier than a firearm. Seen very handy women strangled by their 5 foot 6 boyfriends. 
 

I just know how the world works! You might get lucky if you know, but personally, I wouldn’t be taking on the average guy and “kicking his a**” whether he knows how to fight, grapple, pin or not. 
 

x

[mylolita]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Side note, I have had men tell me they could never fathom giving birth or even having monthly periods. One man I knew whose wife had just had a baby told me he had a new respect for women and their strength and fortitude after watching her give birth. 

Can I lift heavy things or slam down a man? Probably not. But I went through twelve hours of labor and gave birth without a drop of anesthesia 🤷‍♀️ 

Annndddd...super off topic so my apologies, but I think it's marginally relevant to men respecting women (and some who do not).

Well we’ll never know if men could handle it (sure they could) because they can’t physically give birth and experience it. 
 

I’ve done it three times without pain medication and it hurt like hell but I would rather go through that than tooth ache! 
 

I just have to correct the female empowerment when it truly crosses biology and the reality we live in. I’m sorry. I hear people make these false statements day in, day out and it’s okay for them to make it but apparently not to be corrected! 
 

x

[yogacat]

9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Side note, I have had men tell me they could never fathom giving birth or even having monthly periods. One man I knew whose wife had just had a baby told me he had a new respect for women and their strength and fortitude after watching her give birth. 

Can I lift heavy things or slam down a man? Probably not. But I went through twelve hours of labor and gave birth without a drop of anesthesia 🤷‍♀️ 

Annndddd...super off topic so my apologies, but I think it's marginally relevant to men respecting women (and some who do not).

That's a different type of strength and endurance. Same reason why many a men (not all...) can't be alone without completely melting down and chugging a beer.

Now how this ties into this topic ---  I think it's important for men to recognize the strength and fortitude women possess, including mentally. If a man can't focus on a conversation with you because he sees a hot lady walk by, that's weak. 

[mylolita]

Women’s bodies are also designed to give birth and aid us in that process. So we have a big biological advantage in that respect. It’s truly a ridiculous argument all round.

 

Apologies to go off track @Sindy_0311 but I see this all the time about men and it’s so incorrect I just felt an obligation to say so. 
 

x

[Sindy_0311]

I don’t think women are as strong as men. If a man and a woman workout exactly the same, the man will develop more muscles and strength, its just biology. 

About that man, I have to say that until he did it I was in an observation mode. He would say stuff like “I hope we will make it work between us” or “next time I will take you there, we will do this together etc…” I somehow sensed that he was just looking for a girlfriend, no matter whom he has in front of him. He also confessed that he doesn’t like to be single in general… He was already calling me cute name after our first date which I found a bit weird. After we kissed on the second meet I thought to myself, so now what? …The kiss came to soon and somehow, I already felt bored. Maybe the reason why I jumped on the occasion to end the date. Idk. But you are all right, we didn’t click. He was very good looking, somehow interesting but we were not in a/our bubble. When he left, I felt relieved, that I could continue spending the night interreacting with other people. 

One thing I thought about today: When we got divorced, me and my ex-husband, we were very close and telling each other about our dating life. At some point he confessed that he does checks other girls, and was doing it when we were married, but I never saw it. He also told me that the first time we met, he wasn’t really attracted to me. He found I was too skinny, he didn’t like my hair, etc… But he “saw” something in me. He never made me jealous or second guess his attraction towards me for 10 years. He was just so sure about me that it was enough. After our divorce, I saw him interact and talk to girls he wasn’t attracted to and his tone was very disrespectful sometimes. Same man, other women… So I do think that somehow a man CAN behave when he has real genuine interest for a woman… (which means that the other dude just wasn’t into me enough to behave for one entire date IMO) No big deal, just another great experience... 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

I just know how the world works!

Yeah so do I which is why I clarified that biologically men are typically physically stronger. 

But one can change that and I'm not referring to Angelina Jolie or what I see in movies, I don't care for or watch such movies. 

I'm talking about what I have witnessed in real life among some women.  And I have witnessed them overpower men, even big strong men, in certain situations.   Which is actually good for them when encountering a dangerous situation.

Even without MA or other such training, never underestimate a woman's physical strength when faced with a dangerous and life threatening situation involving herself or her kids. 

I once read an article (true life situation) about a mother who lifted an entire car by herself when her child was trapped under it. 

 

 

[mylolita]

36 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Yeah so do I which is why I clarified that biologically men are typically physically stronger. 

But one can change that and I'm not referring to Angelina Jolie or what I see in movies, I don't care for or watch such movies. 

I'm talking about what I have witnessed in real life among some women.  And I have witnessed them overpower men, even big strong men, in certain situations.   Which is actually good for them when encountering a dangerous situation.

Even without MA or other such training, never underestimate a woman's physical strength when faced with a dangerous situation involving herself or her kids. 

I once read an article (true life situation) about a mother who lifted an entire car by herself when her child was trapped under it. 

 

 

This is so insanely rare, it would be beyond exceptional. This is not an even near normal thing. 
 

Women are just simply not equal physically to men. This is why it’s wrong when women say, when talking about equality, that women can do the same physical jobs as men. Who would you rather have come save you from a burning building? A female firefighter or a male one? Who would you rather have come if you called the police because you feared for your life? A male cop or a female? 
 

When I was 6 months pregnant with my first baby, I had a drug addict break into our house at 1am while my husband was away. Luck had it, he broke into our basement and the house had four floors, and I was on the top. Let’s be real - that little black belt there didn’t feel so fantastic. It’s a good job I didn’t hear him and he decided it was too difficult to carry on breaking in. He tried our cars and we caught the whole thing on cctv. 
 

I would have tried to throw that b*stard down our 6 flights of stairs but truthfully, I wouldn’t have fancied it! 

 

Would you have bet on me fighting him off???!!! Well I hope for my sake I would have, but c’mon! This isn’t a picture show ladies. Grab ya handbags and face  reality girls! 
 

I keep a knife somewhere secure close to my bed but I know fine well with small weapons training how someone can take it off you and easily use it against you. 
 

When my husband got home to the police interviewing me he was mortified. And rightly so. He didn’t say “Oh yeah she would have handled it.” 
 

I had to go face him in court. He’d done it so many times before and our house was large and a target with having a big basement. We got full security after that incident. He went to jail but only for 4 months on attempted entry. 
 

These equality statements are simply so untrue and just beyond misleading. 

[mylolita]

44 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I don’t think women are as strong as men. If a man and a woman workout exactly the same, the man will develop more muscles and strength, its just biology. 

About that man, I have to say that until he did it I was in an observation mode. He would say stuff like “I hope we will make it work between us” or “next time I will take you there, we will do this together etc…” I somehow sensed that he was just looking for a girlfriend, no matter whom he has in front of him. He also confessed that he doesn’t like to be single in general… He was already calling me cute name after our first date which I found a bit weird. After we kissed on the second meet I thought to myself, so now what? …The kiss came to soon and somehow, I already felt bored. Maybe the reason why I jumped on the occasion to end the date. Idk. But you are all right, we didn’t click. He was very good looking, somehow interesting but we were not in a/our bubble. When he left, I felt relieved, that I could continue spending the night interreacting with other people. 

One thing I thought about today: When we got divorced, me and my ex-husband, we were very close and telling each other about our dating life. At some point he confessed that he does checks other girls, and was doing it when we were married, but I never saw it. He also told me that the first time we met, he wasn’t really attracted to me. He found I was too skinny, he didn’t like my hair, etc… But he “saw” something in me. He never made me jealous or second guess his attraction towards me for 10 years. He was just so sure about me that it was enough. After our divorce, I saw him interact and talk to girls he wasn’t attracted to and his tone was very disrespectful sometimes. Same man, other women… So I do think that somehow a man CAN behave when he has real genuine interest for a woman… (which means that the other dude just wasn’t into me enough to behave for one entire date IMO) No big deal, just another great experience... 

Evening Sindy! 
 

I think all men do it to some extent - some more obviously than others. He slipped up and did it obviously when he should have had his attention on you! 
 

As others have said, once in an established and playful, confident and secure relationship, couples can joke about stuff like this! But on a first or second date? We need to be on our best behaviour 🥲

 

At the end of the day, you felt disrespected, you didn’t like it - that’s your call and you call the shots! 
 

I think it sounds like you could probably find a much better match, and have a much better date! 
 

x

[boltnrun]

I brought up about that man I was involved with and physical strength because he felt being physically stronger made him superior to women in ALL ways. And he looked down on women as "weak", overly emotional and completely helpless without a man. I'm not just talking about needing a man to move the fridge or change a flat tire or fight off an intruder. He thought his physical strength not only made him smarter and more capable than women but that it also gave him the right to treat women as objects and as existing only for his pleasure and convenience.

I doubt anyone's husband who's physically stronger treats his wife as an inferior being unworthy of respect. Not in good marriages anyway. 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

These equality statements are simply so untrue and just beyond misleading. 

@mylolitayou have a very strong opinion about this so there is actually no point in debating it.  Only to say that you made a very broad, black and white statement that men are physically stronger, period.  That is how I interpret your posts anyway.

And what I am saying is that this is not always true in every single situation.  It's not an absolute.  Like everything else in life, it's nuanced depending on the situation.

You mentioned a movie with Angelina Jolie.  As I said I have never watched any of the movies you're referring to however I do want to reference a movie which was loosely based on a real life situation about a young woman, just like you and me, no MA or other type of physical or strength training, who overpowered her attacker when he unlawfully entered her home. 

No knife or weapons involved, she overpowered him through her sheer physical strength when faced with a life threatening situation.  And she was no larger than I (5'6"  117 pounds).

The movie is called Extremities with Farrah Fawcett, again loosely based on a true story.  It was an awesome movie and highly recommend watching it.

Such situations are NOT uncommon Lolita, nor are they misleading to post about it.  They do happen, they're very real.

I am not a "feminist" who's mantra is "Go Women! Rah Rah!"  Hardly.

I am an observant of the world and those in it and I post about what I have either read about or witnessed. 

That said, I do respect your opinion and what YOU have observed.  I just feel differently that's all.

 

[yogacat]

Speaking of Angelina...Love this scene.
(sorry off topic, lol)

 

[mylolita]

13 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@mylolitayou have a very strong opinion about this so there is actually no point in debating it.  Only to say that you made a very broad, black and white statement that men are physically stronger, period.  That is how I interpret your posts anyway.

And what I am saying is that this is not always true in every single situation.  It's not an absolute.  Like everything else in life, it's nuanced depending on the situation.

You mentioned a movie with Angelina Jolie.  As I said I have never watched any of the movies you're referring to however I do want to reference a movie which was loosely based on a real life situation about a young woman, just like you and me, no MA or other type of physical or strength training, who overpowered her attacker when he unlawfully entered her home. 

No knife or weapons involved, she overpowered him through her sheer physical strength when faced with a life threatening situation.  And she was no larger than I (5'6"  117 pounds).

The movie is called Extremities with Farrah Fawcett, again loosely based on a true story.  It was an awesome movie and highly recommend watching it.

Such situations are NOT all that uncommon Lolita, nor are they misleading to post about it.  They do happen, they're very real.

I am not a "feminist" who's mantra is "Go Women! Rah Rah!"  Hardly.

I am an observant of the world and those in it and I post what I have either read about or witnessed. 

That said, I do respect your opinion and what YOU have observed.  I just feel differently that's all.

 

Of course men are stronger period! And of course women have overpowered men! Doesn’t stop it being generally true that men are stronger than women. When did I absolutely say never ever can a woman ever have the physical upper hand in some extreme situation over a man? You are beyond patronising rainbows.
 

And, I have a black belt in ju-jitsu! (Junior belt belt though; I was 16 when I finished my training). And my husband was a cage fighter/feather weight boxer for 7 years and we sparred together for a spell, all exercise orientated of course. I am obsessed with the boxing and a mega fan, so is my husband, we watch it together all the time. I went to two of his cage fights before he quit. 
 

Oh my goodness where was everyone in life and biology?! 
 

There may be that one in a million woman who can kick a** the average guy but it’s very rare. Very. 
 

And for the woman who allegedly flipped a car, there are thousands of women who were also put in life or death situations to do with their children who did unfortunately NOT come across this magic strength. Most people actually freeze in life or death situations, or go into shock, like a dear caught in the headlights. This is reality, it’s not my opinion it’s just a fact. 
 

When Bolt’s husband said men are physically superior to women he wasn’t wrong, of course. They naturally are superior physically to women. But she was saying he was an awful chauvinistic pig as well as but, what that has to do with Sindy and her date I’m unsure, whether she thinks the ogling eludes to chauvinism or bad traits? I don’t get the drift. 
 

Men are stronger than women, yes. Wow, this is wild!

 

There are always these rare, one in a billion, one in a million exceptions to everything. Why would I be thinking no woman has ever gotten away from a serial killer or whatever? I live in the real world. But 99% of the time, the woman is coming off worse, whether she’s a black belt or a kick boxer or strong for her size or whatever. 
 

Ridiculous feminist stuff all the time all day long on here, the statements drive me barmy. 

[mylolita]

21 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Speaking of Angelina...Love this scene.
(sorry off topic, lol)

 

There she goes! 🤣

Just needs a suv to flip now whooowheeee I’ll show those men! 
 

Maybe she caught her date ogling a piece of you know what behind her? All hell broke loose 🤣

 

Maybe @Sindy_0311 this should have been your reaction! 😆

 

x