The Lost Confession (OJ Simpson)

[rainbowsandroses]

Hey guys, I realize this is old news but this is a new documentary and interview with OJ Simpson (2006 but never aired till recently) whereby he described (as a hypothetical to protect his kids) the details of the murders, how he did it, how he "must have dropped the glove at the scene" even though he's blocked that part out.  

He essentially confessed to both murders in shocking graphic detail.

Has anyone seen it?  I literally vomited at one point but felt it was important for me to watch. 

He also went into great detail as to why he verbally and physically abused/assaulted Nicole and what led up to it even after their divorce.

He owned some of it but blamed HER mostly for enraging him and causing him to become so angry. 

He is still angry at her even after all these years!  One witness at her grave described how he was literally screaming at her while at her graveside.

He blames her for enraging him into killing her!  He warned her many times he would, but she wasn't listening!   His words..

One thing he said I found interesting and would like your opinion on as my abusive mum said similar.  

"Everything I've ever done was because I loved you so much." 

His exact words. And my mom has said similar to me..

The psychologist interviewed said it's common for abusers to relate violence with love.

I recall when I was in third grade, my teacher asked the class how do we define love?

My answer at the time?  8-9 years old? 

"When your mom gets mad at you and hits you, she loves you because she would not get so angry if she didn't love you."

I remember this like it was yesterday!

I hope we can discuss this because on some level I still struggle with these feelings and hope you won't judge too harshly as I'm finally owning my **** and truly want to heal...

As always thank you! 

 

 

[yogacat]

Here's what I think of OJ, and when I heard the news he passed, I could give a rats. I feel sorry for his children but that's where it stops.

As for your question. Stop giving your Mom power to live in your head like that. Acknowledge she's not physically with you now and can no longer hurt you. Like someone once said to me, crappy things happen in childhood, but that ship has sailed.

 

[Seraphim]

EMDR helped me greatly to not think emotionally about abuse I suffered. 

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

EMDR helped me greatly to not think emotionally about abuse I suffered. 

Thank you I will look into it.  So far it's just been talk therapy and that has helped me to essentially shove it down but not actually "deal" and "heal."

I still find myself associating anger with love which is so dangerous! 

Right now I'm focusing on my new business and taking the proper steps to changing my thought process and truly healing. 

I'm glad it helped you! 

This interview was truly eye-opening!  It was shocking and troubling (and sick), but I am glad I watched it. 

 

[Seraphim]

I have done all kinds of therapy but EMDR helped me the most . Essentially it reprocesses trauma and moves it into the past and not your every waking moment and takes it out of your processing . You know it happened but you don’t have an attachment to it . 

[rainbowsandroses]

I just read the thread "Is This Even Abuse" created by @Scarlet23.

Interesting how on some level she blamed herself for instigating the arguments that led to her husband verbally abusing her. 

I recall an excellent HBO series called "Big Little Lies" with Nicole Kidman.  

Her character Celeste was married to an abuser, Perry.  Their dynamic throughout the seven years they were married was quite compelling and she refused to identify herself as a "victim."

She owned she was a full participant in their abusive dynamic and also owned she often instigated the arguments that led to the abuse (she hit him back) when things were too calm. 

In one scene where she was intentionally pushing his buttons, Perry said "Do you want me to hit you"?

In therapy she admitted she did, as sick as that sounds!  

Me?  I just leave as I did with my drug addicted ex.  But I did stay for six years and tolerated crap I should not have and would never tolerate now.  From other boyfriends too as well as my ex-husband.

They all claimed throughout (and even after) how much they loved me. How I was IT for them.  But yet.....

Emotionally I still struggle with these thoughts sometimes...

[ShySoul]

Was the documentary done in conjunction with his book from about that time, "If I did it?" I never read the book because I didn't want to support or have anything to do with someone profitting off such a horrible event. And while I'm sure the film is well done, I find it too disturbing to get into the mind of a murderer. I don't want to say I felt happy at his death, but I certainly didn't shed any tears.

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

"When your mom gets mad at you and hits you, she loves you because she would not get so angry if she didn't love you."

Amazing how what you experience in childhood sticks with you. When you grow up in an abusive environment, it becomes normal to you. You naturally love your parents. They take care of you and you look up to them thinking they know what is best. So you rationalize that their acts must be out of love, because what else could it be? Actually, it's amazing how mallable people's opinions can be. Say something enough times and most people will start to think it's true, even if it doesn't make logical sense. For some it's hearing what they want to hear. For some it's a way of coping and surviving.

What can be confusing and complicated is realizing that a person's actions reflect more on them then on you. Someone who abuses is stuck on whatever happened to them to lead them to believe this is an acceptable way of showing love. It's not about the victim. But the victim, especially a young one, often can't see that. They internalize it until they feel they deserve it. And that is a difficult habit to get out of.

Rainbow, sorry you've gone through all this. My best friend had a mother that would yell and I believe hit her as well. I see how it still affects her decades later. I'm not sure if a person ever fully gets over it. But know you are not your mother. You are strong and can do anything you set yourself to doing. Keep focusing on the business and building the life you want for yourself. You're an awesome person, keep it up.

[rainbowsandroses]

11 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

Was the documentary done in conjunction with his book from about that time, "If I did it?" I never read the book because I didn't want to support or have anything to do with someone profitting off such a horrible event. And while I'm sure the film is well done, I find it too disturbing to get into the mind of a murderer. I don't want to say I felt happy at his death, but I certainly didn't shed any tears.

Amazing how what you experience in childhood sticks with you. When you grow up in an abusive environment, it becomes normal to you. You naturally love your parents. They take care of you and you look up to them thinking they know what is best. So you rationalize that their acts must be out of love, because what else could it be? Actually, it's amazing how mallable people's opinions can be. Say something enough times and most people will start to think it's true, even if it doesn't make logical sense. For some it's hearing what they want to hear. For some it's a way of coping and surviving.

What can be confusing and complicated is realizing that a person's actions reflect more on them then on you. Someone who abuses is stuck on whatever happened to them to lead them to believe this is an acceptable way of showing love. It's not about the victim. But the victim, especially a young one, often can't see that. They internalize it until they feel they deserve it. And that is a difficult habit to get out of.

Rainbow, sorry you've gone through all this. My best friend had a mother that would yell and I believe hit her as well. I see how it still affects her decades later. I'm not sure if a person ever fully gets over it. But know you are not your mother. You are strong and can do anything you set yourself to doing. Keep focusing on the business and building the life you want for yourself. You're an awesome person, keep it up.

Thank you SS, this^^ was helpful and will consider your words thoughtfully. 😀

 

[boltnrun]

It's interesting how differently people react to their upbringing. I concluded the opposite...anyone who mistreats me does NOT love me and is therefore to be avoided. I can't fathom treating my kids the way I was treated. 

[rainbowsandroses]

15 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It's interesting how differently people react to their upbringing. I concluded the opposite...anyone who mistreats me does NOT love me and is therefore to be avoided. I can't fathom treating my kids the way I was treated. 

Yeah but when your parent literally tells you she treats you the way she does because she loves you and wants what's best for you, it can be confusing for a kid.  It was for me. 

It's corporal punishment and many parents believe in it, or used to.  

The Catholic religion endorses it even.  I attended Catholic school from 1st-8th grade where the nuns sometimes slapped us. 

My mom forced me to watch a documentary about a strict Catholic boarding school where the nuns would chop off a girl's hair for what they perceived as misbehavior.

My own mom once came at me with scissors, I thought she was gonna stab me but she cut off my long blonde hair. 

It was how SHE was raised, it's all she knew.

Me?  If/when I have a child I would never!  

Anyway, yeah we all have different reactions.  I was an extremely sensitive child (HSP), still am in many ways although I manage it pretty well now.

But some things I'm not able to shake all the way.

[Kwothe28]

I dont think he blames her for anything anymore, he is dead. Probably in Hell by now. Fun fact: Movie studio wanted OJ to play The Terminator. But James Cameron ultimately thought he was "too nice to be taken seriously as a killer" lol

Its common for abusers to blame the other side. We are never the villains in our own story. So in order to do justify what we are doing, the other side needs to be a villain. "Sure, I hit her, but the W deserved it, she should never think to message another man at all". And similar justifications of abuse. Its a common thing regarding abusers. Its why lots of victims think its their fault for being abused. "If I wasnt X, then Y wouldnt happen, I deserve it". Its the whole cycle of abuse and how it works.