AGrPerson Posted March 3 Author Share Posted March 3 Just now, rainbowsandroses said: ^^How did he respond? He hasn't seen my message yet. Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted March 3 Author Share Posted March 3 To be honest we have been intimate with each other but haven't had intercourse yet. He wants us to get together at his house in order to do that. He is excited because it will be his first time, but I don't feel comfortable. I also don't like that it's something that we get to decide, cause it makes me feel like we're planning a sex night. Like we are planning to have a ritual or something. Link to comment
Jaunty Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 1 minute ago, AGrPerson said: but I don't feel comfortable. Then do not do it. 1 minute ago, AGrPerson said: I also don't like that it's something that we get to decide, cause it makes me feel like we're planning a sex night. Like we are planning to have a ritual or something. I'm confused. Isn't it a positive that you BOTH get to decide about when and under what circumstances you will have sex? You have had sex before yourself? 1 Link to comment
rainbowsandroses Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 3 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: To be honest we have been intimate with each other but haven't had intercourse yet... Well this certainly changes the narrative. By "intimate" you mean kissing and cuddling? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 11 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: That's exactly how I am feeling. I've told him that I think it was too soon to get intimate with each other and that I would like us to get to know each other better first. What about my suggestion of coming up with activities to do -long meandering walks/hiking/cycling/swing dance lesson ,etc Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 He's excited to have sex for the first time? Or is he excited to share a loving, intimate experience with YOU? You said yourself you don't know each other very well. So are you fine with having this experience with someone you don't know very well? 2 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 4 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: To be honest we have been intimate with each other but haven't had intercourse yet. He wants us to get together at his house in order to do that. He is excited because it will be his first time, but I don't feel comfortable. I also don't like that it's something that we get to decide, cause it makes me feel like we're planning a sex night. Like we are planning to have a ritual or something. This is - really odd. You wrote you had sex on the 5th date. Why did you write that if you did not? You are planning a night to have sex in advance. You can say "no thanks!" Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted March 3 Author Share Posted March 3 1 minute ago, Jaunty said: Then do not do it. I'm confused. Isn't it a positive that you BOTH get to decide about when and under what circumstances you will have sex? You have had sex before yourself? I mean I don't like that he told me to go to his house in order to have sex. Link to comment
rainbowsandroses Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 Just now, Batya33 said: This is - really odd. You wrote you had sex on the 5th date. Why did you write that if you did not? Same question... Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted March 3 Author Share Posted March 3 5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: Well this certainly changes the narrative. By "intimate" you mean kissing and cuddling? And some foreplay. Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted March 3 Author Share Posted March 3 5 minutes ago, boltnrun said: He's excited to have sex for the first time? Or is he excited to share a loving, intimate experience with YOU? You said yourself you don't know each other very well. So are you fine with having this experience with someone you don't know very well? He's definitely excited to have sex for the first time. I'm not sure about the other one though. Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted March 3 Author Share Posted March 3 7 minutes ago, Batya33 said: This is - really odd. You wrote you had sex on the 5th date. Why did you write that if you did not? You are planning a night to have sex in advance. You can say "no thanks!" I said that we got intimate with each other. We didn't have intercourse though. We kissed, cuddled and had some foreplay. Well, when I suggested it I had in mind that we would just kiss and cuddle. But he mentioned having intercourse too. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 4 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: He's definitely excited to have sex for the first time. I'm not sure about the other one though. I feel - had. I was giving you advice as were others based on you telling everyone you had intercourse already. And now - makes sense -he wants an encore in his bed. You wrote you discussed protection in advance. Something is very wrong here -with you -and your approach to how you interact with people especially people trying to help. It's really quite simple. You're bored. You're anxious. You're not sure you want his penis inside of you and how he's pressuring you because he's desperate to get laid. Somehow now it's not that he wants sex again but wants it the first time. Why in the world would you have intercourse in this situation -the problem communicating is you and it's so risky -you're going to have someone's penis inside of you who bores you and you feel pressured? Why? 1 Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted March 3 Author Share Posted March 3 4 minutes ago, Batya33 said: I feel - had. I was giving you advice as were others based on you telling everyone you had intercourse already. And now - makes sense -he wants an encore in his bed. You wrote you discussed protection in advance. Something is very wrong here -with you -and your approach to how you interact with people especially people trying to help. It's really quite simple. You're bored. You're anxious. You're not sure you want his penis inside of you and how he's pressuring you because he's desperate to get laid. Somehow now it's not that he wants sex again but wants it the first time. Why in the world would you have intercourse in this situation -the problem communicating is you and it's so risky -you're going to have someone's penis inside of you who bores you and you feel pressured? Why? I'm really sorry if I have confused you. I just don't know how to respond in this kind of situation. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 Just now, AGrPerson said: I'm really sorry if I have confused you. I just don't know how to respond in this kind of situation. No you didn't confuse me -you wrote something untrue and for pages now people have responded to your sharing you had intercourse - and you responded multiple times that you did. That was untrue. What do you mean you don't know how to respond. You don't know how to tell the truth? You don't know how to say right up front "he wants to have intercourse in his bed and we haven't had intercourse yet" - and instead write over and over again that you and he had intercourse and now he wants to know if you two are in a relationship? How is this about "not knowing how to respond?" Isn't it about "I lied and now I am pretending I didn't?" Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted March 3 Author Share Posted March 3 1 minute ago, Batya33 said: No you didn't confuse me -you wrote something untrue and for pages now people have responded to your sharing you had intercourse - and you responded multiple times that you did. That was untrue. What do you mean you don't know how to respond. You don't know how to tell the truth? You don't know how to say right up front "he wants to have intercourse in his bed and we haven't had intercourse yet" - and instead write over and over again that you and he had intercourse and now he wants to know if you two are in a relationship? How is this about "not knowing how to respond?" Isn't it about "I lied and now I am pretending I didn't?" I'm really sorry... 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 6 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: I'm really sorry... Based on how you communicated here I would not have intercourse with this person. You have issues being honest and honest with yourself. Having intercourse risks pregnancy and STDs and you then lying to yourself that you were "used" and getting some cynical attitude about men. You're not in a place where you are mature enough and self-honest enough to take on the responsibility of having intercourse with a man you met two weeks ago. Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted March 3 Author Share Posted March 3 12 minutes ago, Batya33 said: Based on how you communicated here I would not have intercourse with this person. You have issues being honest and honest with yourself. Having intercourse risks pregnancy and STDs and you then lying to yourself that you were "used" and getting some cynical attitude about men. You're not in a place where you are mature enough and self-honest enough to take on the responsibility of having intercourse with a man you met two weeks ago. What do you think is the best way to handle this situation? Tell him that I want us to take it slower and try to get to know him first? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 5 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: What do you think is the best way to handle this situation? Tell him that I want us to take it slower and try to get to know him first? I think you as already know that and messaged him about it. Please address your anxiety. No one is forcing you to do anything. Whether it's in house dates or intercourse. 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 8 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: What do you think is the best way to handle this situation? Tell him that I want us to take it slower and try to get to know him first? I wrote above what I think you should do. Tell him that. My sense is there will be no need to talk after as he is focused on getting laid. 1 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 Does he just want to lose his virginity, or does he want to share his first time with you because he is in love with you or is falling in love and he wants his first time to be a special experience he shares with someone special? How do you feel about this? Has he confirmed he has purchased and will use condoms? What will the two of you do if the condoms fail and you become pregnant? Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted March 3 Author Share Posted March 3 1 minute ago, boltnrun said: Does he just want to lose his virginity, or does he want to share his first time with you because he is in love with you or is falling in love and he wants his first time to be a special experience he shares with someone special? How do you feel about this? Has he confirmed he has purchased and will use condoms? What will the two of you do if the condoms fail and you become pregnant? I think he just wants to lose his virginity. I don't think that it's the latter. He has told me though that he looks for a long term relationship. He keeps saying how excited he is for his first time. He has purchased and will use condoms. I'm afraid about the condom failure too to be honest. Link to comment
Jaunty Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 57 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: And some foreplay. Evidently it included oral sex ... with a condom or a dental dam. You wrote earlier that you "used protection." So far, you have not answered any of the direct questions I have asked you. Why? Some things here are not adding up. You Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 1 minute ago, AGrPerson said: I think he just wants to lose his virginity. I don't think that it's the latter. He has told me though that he looks for a long term relationship. He keeps saying how excited he is for his first time. He has purchased and will use condoms. I'm afraid about the condom failure too to be honest. Do you feel obligated to go along with his scenario? How do you feel about sharing a child with him or going through a termination in the event you do go along with his plans and you become pregnant? Link to comment
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