How?

[Bora]

My crush and I are friends.We often text each other,despite I always have to start the conversation first.But I don't know what to say him in person and what kind of expression I have to put in front of him cuz I like him so much and I'm so nervous and excited in front of him.What should I do??Should I go and talk to him in class?I really have no idea that what should I say him☹️

[Batya33]

Ask him a specific question about his day -since you text then you know what his activities and hobbies and interest are right? "How was your run this morning?" Did you see that there's a new episode of ____ on Netflix?.

Also fake it till you make it -find a mantra you say to yourself that grounds you and helps you feel calm and reasonably confident.  Do more listening than talking.

[ShySoul]

Talking to a crush can be difficult. It's scary and messes with your nerves while still leaving you excited and hopeful. You want to do everything just right and say the perfect thing so they'll notice you more. You examine ever little thing for extra meaning and get critical of yourself wondering if you messed up. 

First thing is to try not to think of him "the crush." That just puts extra pressure on you to try to impress him which will likely make you more nervous. I know he seems amazing and perfect in your eyes, but he's like any other guy with good and bad qualities. There are times he feels just as nervous as you are feeling now. You don't have to wow or impress him. The goal should just be to spend time with him and get to know each other. 

So talk to him like you would any friend. What do you text about? What things do you have in common? Hobbies you both like, movies or shows you've seen, something about class... any topic will do. Point is to start a conversation and see where it goes. If you're too nervous, ask him questions about himself. It shows your interested in him while keeping your nerves calmer. Hopefully something will come up that you will confident enough to jump in with a comment. But most importantly, just try to stay calm and be yourself. I know it's hard with all those butterflies in your stomach, but you can do it.

[Andrina]

On 2/29/2024 at 1:07 PM, Bora said:

We often text each other,despite I always have to start the conversation first

Thorough advice from the other posters, so I won't say more on that. Regarding this quote, I just wanted to suggest that after you've given more than your fair share of effort, don't keep being the first one to always initiate. Being really into someone, you want to keep the connection. However, it's in your best interest to know if a person shares an equal interest, or would let the communication fade or end if you stopped throwing out a line.

It's the best way to gauge an interest or lack of one if you aren't always the one to initiate texts or in person conversations. Sit back and let him show if he's willing to give the same effort or not. If not, you'll know to stop wasting your precious time. This will also show a man you have self-worth and you're not some silly puppy who is dashing to him for attention when he hasn't lifted a finger to warrant your attention.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Bora]

3 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

We had an exam today.I didn't get to talk in person.I waited all day for his message asking if I did well.But he hasn't send me anything as I expected.So I sent him"Did u do well today" and he hasn't replied me yet.What should I do??I feel disappointed

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Bora said:

We had an exam today.I didn't get to talk in person.I waited all day for his message asking if I did well.But he hasn't send me anything as I expected.So I sent him"Did u do well today" and he hasn't replied me yet.What should I do??I feel disappointed

Maybe he didn't do well so your question was frustrating.  Or it's over so he'd rather move on and not dwell on it.  I think your expectations are unrealistic.  I would wait to talk to him in person and let him share how he did if he feels like it. I know you're young but please stop "waiting" - instead move on, do something - go for an intense run or power walk.  With a podcast or music on if you're in a safe location.

[Andrina]

18 minutes ago, Bora said:

What should I do??I feel disappointed

What should you do? Definitely not double text. As I said, you observe if a person is matching you (though in your case, you might me overdoing it) in effort. If not, it's a signal to move on. How many times have I been disappointed a man I was interested in didn't share the same interest? I would lose count. It's part of life. 

As Batya said, move forward with something else you can enjoy. Do you belong to any school clubs or have girlfriends you can hang out with?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Bora said:

 I sent him"Did u do well today" and he hasn't replied me yet.

That's fine. Please try to be friendlier and polite to him if you want him as a friend.

Please stop expecting him to initiate everything and be your friend if you won't even talk to him or text him.

Please ask trusted adults like teachers and family how to be friendlier and more sociable. 

[yogacat]

Crushes are fun.

Seems you like. Just say hey I like you. I don't know what end result you hope for...worst case nothing changes best case you date.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, yogacat said:

Crushes are fun.

Seems you like. Just say hey I like you. I don't know what end result you hope for...worst case nothing changes best case you date.

I wouldn’t share feelings. Show interest in the person. Appropriate interest. And if he is interested he will. And take it from there. I don’t think a random text asking how a person did on an exam you also took is the most sociable or friendly approach. 

[yogacat]

What is so wrong saying hey, I think you're cool, I'd like to get to know you? And then hear what he has to say?

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, yogacat said:

What is so wrong saying hey, I think you're cool, I'd like to get to know you? And then hear what he has to say?

Not bad at all. My opinion is not a good approach in this situation.  Not as effective and way too awkward. I’d sooner ask the person out than do that. I like showing interest directly - as I suggested above. Direct interest in the person by asking appropriate questions. Not the awkward and self absorbed “I think “ - rather show you know what the person is interested in “hey I thought of you because you mentioned tjsf scene in Oppenheimer when —- and I just saw a cool YouTube video about it. Want the link ?  
I have a colleague who is reserved. I like her and wanted to get to know her better as a friend. I learned she likes historical fiction. So do I. So I started conversations with her about that genre. Now we’re friendly and we talk about more than books although that is a go to topic for us. She obviously knows I think she’s cool as I initiate conversations.  No need to be in her face about it and risk awkwardness at work. 

[yogacat]

The right guy wants her so ***footing around doesn't do her any favors and keeps her stuck and pining for a guys attention.

She'll never be in control if she can't gain control of an initial conversation.

Right guy vs wrong guy is a different situation. The OP already knows and texts the guy. If she waits for the guy to "get a suggestion or hint", she's on the wrong channel.

[catfeeder]

5 hours ago, yogacat said:

What is so wrong saying hey, I think you're cool, I'd like to get to know you? And then hear what he has to say?

He already knows because you text him all the time--and--you don't have the patience to hold off long enough to learn whether he might ever reciprocate by contacting you when he wants to. 

Telling him you like him and want to get to know him, at this point, would be redundant. 

[yogacat]

Texting about an exam is hardly the same as asking to get to know someone in a personal way. Plus, it sounds like she may be interested in taking things to the next level, so just texting about exams isn't going to do much to further that.

[Bora]

8 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Telling him you like him and want to get to know him, at this point, would be redundant. 

 

I wanna confess my feelings to him but at the same time I don't want to.Cuz I'm more afraid he'd hate me rather than rejecting me.

[Bora]

9 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Texting about an exam is hardly the same as asking to get to know someone in a personal way. Plus, it sounds like she may be interested in taking things to the next level, so just texting about exams isn't going to do much to further that.

So what should I do to get closer with him.He's also my friend but I really nervous to talk with him in person cuz  it's hard with all those butterflies in my stomach.

[yogacat]

2 minutes ago, Bora said:

So what should I do to get closer with him.He's also my friend but I really nervous to talk with him in person cuz  it's hard with all those butterflies in my stomach.

Nobody is going to hate you for expressing your feelings.

It takes a lot of courage to express your feelings, and that is something to be proud of. You like him, hiding your feelings in not going to help you either. If he doesn't feel the same way, it's not the end of the world. You will find someone who will reciprocate your feelings. Be true to how you feel.

I'm not saying to profess your undying love for him, but you need to let him know that you are interested in him romantically. After that, it's up to him to decide whether he wants to pursue things further or not. You don't have to confess your love, but you can drop hints by saying things like, "I really enjoy talking to you and I'd love to get to know you more."  

You don't have to put on any specific expression in front of him but do try to steer this in a more personal direction and if he isn't picking up on that, soon you will stop having anything to say to him that isn't about homework, tests or other superficial topics that will get very boring very quickly. 

[Bora]

7 minutes ago, yogacat said:

You don't have to put on any specific expression in front of him but do try to steer this in a more personal direction and if he isn't picking up on that, soon you will stop having anything to say to him that isn't about homework, tests or other superficial topics that will get very boring very quickly. 

 

I know about him a lot.Also he's kind and caring guy.I text with him often so that I can know about him more.But sometimes he replies so late,sometimes I got reply after nearly one week.And I can't wait that long and I felt disappointed and sometimes I didn't get to text him anything.

[yogacat]

29 minutes ago, Bora said:

I know about him a lot.Also he's kind and caring guy.I text with him often so that I can know about him more.But sometimes he replies so late,sometimes I got reply after nearly one week.And I can't wait that long and I felt disappointed and sometimes I didn't get to text him anything.

Because it's not worth constantly waiting for a reply that may never come. All I'm seeing here is two casual friends who text each other when they feel like it. You may want more, and he may too, but if neither one of you is willing to take a step beyond being a casual friend you should just remain exactly that.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Bora said:

So what should I do to get closer with him.He's also my friend but I really nervous to talk with him 

Try to be friendlier and just relax. It seems like it went sideways when you were taunting him and playing games. 

 

[ShySoul]

How much of this friendship is text and how much of this is actually talking in person? He doesn't seem to be big on the texting, hence the long gap in replies. Texting is also less personal and way more causual then I think you are looking for. If things are ever going to move beyond a crush, you need to be talking and spending time in person. Those butterflies make it scary and difficult, but the possible reward is worth the risks. 

Like yogacat said, it's not about professing you undying love. It's a matter of getting closer to each other and showing him you are interested. And the only way to do that is to spend time in person, talking about interests, hobbies, whatever. It's moving things into more personal topics rather then just casual talks about tests and classes. When you do, you'll get a sense of what he's feeling and he'll be able to sense how you feel. Things may go further, they may not. But there's no chance unless your willing to take a chance.

[ShySoul]

1 hour ago, Bora said:

I wanna confess my feelings to him but at the same time I don't want to.Cuz I'm more afraid he'd hate me rather than rejecting me.

If he is the nice, sweet guy you say he is, he won't hate you. Most people aren't that mean. They don't want to be the bad guy or hurt someone. They have probably also wrestled with the same doubts and insecurities. So people are more likely to let a person down easy and just say they don't have those feelings. And know that any guy who would hate you for expressing your feelings isn't a good guy and isn't worth your time.

[Batya33]

If you want to express feelings ask him out on a date you plan in advance. That is universal for “I like you more than a friend “

[Capricorn3]

I think he knows you like him but sadly, I don't think he's interested (sorry). I think if he was interested he would have sent you friendly messages by now, showing interest of some kind, (imo).