Please tell me what to do…

[WallaceNg]

Since a long time coming back to enotalone, looking for breakup advice again. Please help, I dunno what can I do next.😔My “gf” has been ignoring me since 14th Feb.

I am 29 yo and my gf is 28. We met at the school that we previously work together. We dated for almost 3 years.

At first, I felt that her personality and behavior were not compatible with mine, because she not really liked going out for a date, except dinning sometimes, but slowly I began to accept her and love her more and more. Although I like outdoor activities, she just liked staying at home watching movies and resting on the bed.

In our relationship, I felt frustrated and sad sometimes because she said she wouldn’t get married with me nor having children in the future. She never brought me to meet her family or friends, but she came to my home and stay overnight every week so she already met my parents for so many times. I remember few times that she said her parents have higher standards and they will not accept me, that really hurts me.

1 yr ago, she found out I flirt with other girls online and wanted to break up with me. I apologized and begged her to stay with me and our relationship kept going on.

We also had sexual collaboration issue which I wanted to have sex more often while she just wanted once a week due to tiredness and pain. But before she ignoring me, we tried out lubricant during sex and she said the pain was not that bad anymore and willing to have more.

I went to jail for 5 months because I did something bad and before that, she said she didn’t know whether she will wait or not, and would make decision after my release. But starting from late December, she stopped picking up my calls and seeing me. I missed her soooo bad and really wanted to find out what happened and her decision.

I just got released from jail this week. The first thing I did was contact her immediately, but I found out she block my number on the phone call, but NOT blocking me on the IM app. So I sent multiple messages to express my understanding and if she could give me another chance to get back together. She just replied she is deciding whether break up with me or not, but I haven’t received any answer since.

I tried to call her today and found out she unblocked my number but didn’t picking up the phone. Few hours later, she blocked my phone call again…

I’m really emotionally overwhelmed, because I feel like I cannot lose her and I really love her, wanting to have a future with her. What can I do now? She blocked my phone call and not responding to my message, I’m sure she didn’t block me on the IM app.

[Batya33]

I think it's time to get your own life and house in order before trying to date anyone.  I'm sorry you're upset and I hope you feel better.

[boltnrun]

Not much you can do.  You can't force someone to want to be with you.

I don't know what you did to go to jail for that long, but it had to be something fairly serious.  Since her parents didn't like you before I would imagine your crime would not help that situation.

Do whatever you can to get your life in order.  A job, housing, finances, health, etc.  Once those things are settled you can think about meeting new people.  

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, WallaceNg said:

I feel like I cannot lose her

You never really had her to begin with, though. It is very obvious that was mostly a one-sided relationship and she kept you away from her true self and daily life. 

5 hours ago, WallaceNg said:

wanting to have a future with her

She has been pretty clear that there is no future here. You need to start accepting that reality. 

5 hours ago, WallaceNg said:

She just replied she is deciding whether break up with me or not

She's a jerk for not being clear and keeping you on the hook, but it's time to drop her. 

 

[WallaceNg]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

You never really had her to begin with, though. It is very obvious that was mostly a one-sided relationship and she kept you away from her true self and daily life. 

She has been pretty clear that there is no future here. You need to start accepting that reality. 

She's a jerk for not being clear and keeping you on the hook, but it's time to drop her. 

 

Thank you.

I still have a little hope for getting back with her since she did not block all the means of communication with me and keeping me on the hook. Just don’t understand why the hell she just doesn’t break up with me right away…

But you’re right. It was a one sided relationship. She was being denial when talking about our future. She was kinda selfish too, not cared about my feeling when she said about not wanting to have kid/marriage with me.

[ShySoul]

6 hours ago, WallaceNg said:

It was a one sided relationship. She was being denial when talking about our future. She was kinda selfish too, not cared about my feeling when she said about not wanting to have kid/marriage with me.

To be fair, sounds like neither side was fully invested in this realtionship. You were the one flirting with other girls while you were suppose to be with her. And you did something bad enough to land you in jail. You could have thought about the impact that would have on your relationship and chosen not to do it. I imagine most woman would have second thoughts about being with someone after they were sent to jail.

She was also honest with you from the start. You knew her personality when you got involved with her. You knew she didn't want marriage, children, or a lot of sex because she told you. At no point did she indicate she was any other way. Yet you stayed with her, thinking things might be different. That's not to blame you for everything or absolve her of any responsibility, but two people were involved and two people contributed to a relationship that was never going to work out.

At this point it's time to do what is best for you. Get your life in order first. Work, housing, money, whatever you need to straighten out life for yourself. Don't worry about relationships, that will come when the time is right. And when it does, best to have everything else settled so you can fully commit to someone who is ready to fully commit to you.

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, WallaceNg said:

I just got released from jail this week. The first thing I did was contact her immediately, She blocked my phone call and not responding to my message, 

Please focus on your release and getting your life back together. She blocked you so please leave her alone.

That last thing you need is a harassment or stalking charge or restraining order against you.

Please regularly see your parole people and try to find work and stabilize your life. 

[WallaceNg]

1 hour ago, ShySoul said:

To be fair, sounds like neither side was fully invested in this realtionship. You were the one flirting with other girls while you were suppose to be with her. And you did something bad enough to land you in jail. You could have thought about the impact that would have on your relationship and chosen not to do it. I imagine most woman would have second thoughts about being with someone after they were sent to jail.

She was also honest with you from the start. You knew her personality when you got involved with her. You knew she didn't want marriage, children, or a lot of sex because she told you. At no point did she indicate she was any other way. Yet you stayed with her, thinking things might be different. That's not to blame you for everything or absolve her of any responsibility, but two people were involved and two people contributed to a relationship that was never going to work out.

At this point it's time to do what is best for you. Get your life in order first. Work, housing, money, whatever you need to straighten out life for yourself. Don't worry about relationships, that will come when the time is right. And when it does, best to have everything else settled so you can fully commit to someone who is ready to fully commit to you.

Thank you. Your point of view is comprehensive and very helpful. I guess I should start forgetting about her and not to guess what caused her blocking my number and ignoring me on the IM app.

[WallaceNg]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please focus on your release and getting your life back together. She blocked you so please leave her alone.

That last thing you need is a harassment or stalking charge or restraining order against you.

Please regularly see your parole people and try to find work and stabilize your life. 

I will try my best not to contact her.😔

[MissCanuck]

8 hours ago, WallaceNg said:

not cared about my feeling when she said about not wanting to have kid/marriage with me.

I don't agree that she didn't care about your feelings in this case. 

She was honest with you, which was the right thing to do. There was no sense sugar-coating that or prtending she wanted something she didn't. You have known all along that she didn't want to marry you or have children with you. It was foolish not to believe her.