Confused

[AA1994]

I put a post in the other day regarding my partner who i share children with leaving me due to numerous issues in our relationship and my failure to change. We kept living together for a few days and was getting on until late at night when i couldnt help asking for another chance. I could see this was pushing her even further away and she was adament her decision was final on numerous occasiobs. I suggested keeping the kids at home for stability but both us of sleeping at relatives houses when its not our turn to have the kids. I thought this was best for both me and her and she agreed. I got home today from work and i couldnt bare to be OTT with conversation and be over attentive. I said hello and went and played with the kids while she was working on her laptop. When she was leaving she said id been cold and heartless since i came in and to only contact her about the kids. I said thats fine. She slammed the door and drove off. I dont understand? Shes left me?

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, AA1994 said:

. I suggested keeping the kids at home for stability but both us of sleeping at relatives houses when its not our turn to have the kids. I thought this was best for both me and her and she agreed. I got home today from work and i couldnt bare to be OTT with conversation and be over attentive. She slammed the door and drove off

What happened to that post?

Sorry this happened. All you can do is be more civil with each other especially if you two are doing this strange babysitting sleeping at relatives arrangement. Slamming door, silent treatments and bizarre arrangements are hurting and destabilizing your children.

[AA1994]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What happened to that post?

Sorry this happened. All you can do is be more civil with each other especially if you two are doing this strange babysitting sleeping at relatives arrangement. Slamming door, silent treatments and bizarre arrangements are hurting and destabilizing your children.

I hid it. I dont really see the arrangment as bizzare to be honest. Nobody can move out yet, we cant live together but the kids need their own home and their own bedrooms. We need to halves on the bills for this period of time so we co own the property and co parent.

[catfeeder]

I think you’re both making the right sacrifices to keep the kids in their home rather than forcing disruptions on them to pack their bags and change homes every week. Good job on that, and this kind of arrangement is increasingly becoming the norm.

It sounds as though she was leaving anyway, but she felt snubbed by you and made that point before doing so.

For the sake of harmony when your paths cross, and to reduce friction for your kids, I would reach out to apologize for handling a particularly bad day badly. You didn’t intend to snub her when you bypassed her in favor of some enjoyment with your children, but you understand how your actions came across that way. You are sorry, you value her very much, and you won’t be disrespectful towards her again.

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, AA1994 said:

I hid it. I dont really see the arrangment as bizzare to be honest. Nobody can move out yet, we cant live together but the kids need their own home and their own bedrooms. We need to halves on the bills for this period of time so we co own the property and co parent.

It's understandable that the logistics and children and finances are factoring in to this but if you "can't live together" peacefully, why live apart part-time with even more rancor and disruption? Please initiate couples therapy even if just for coparenting and please get sobriety support. 

[smackie9]

Just let her go. She's very bitter. She's gonna keep taking it out on you....that's a lot of years of pent up anger she has, and no words or actions will change that. She definitely needs time so just stay out of her way.

You can tell her, that you too are adjusting to this, and it has been difficult as well. Then let it roll like it does.

[ShySoul]

This is a new arrangement for everyone, with feelings that are still raw and hurt. It's going to take time to figure it all out. There are bound to be moments where everyone involved says or does something that they shouldn't, or feels hurt by someone else's actions. The important thing is to give each other the space needed to calm down, then talk it over calmly and figure out how to be better, for the sake of the children. They are the top priority and you should want to have as peaceful an environment for them as possible.

If the plan is to alternate nights away from home, perhaps it's best to minimize the time the two of you have to both be there? As soon as one gets in, the other says goodbye and goes? That way less chance for the two of you to have these disagreements. Not sure if it works with your schedules, but somethng to think about.