Worthless Birthday

[NIN2000]

I have a faint memory of my 8th birthday, stunning till today was the indifference of all involved: my mother, step father, grandfather etc. It shocked me to the point that I never again celebrated another birthday.

I remember at age 25 a few friends surprised me with a cake and sang me happy birthday. I remember feeling surprised yet feeling awkward. Awkward that a few friends sang me happy birthday while my parents, brother and immediate family never bothered to call or mention anything.

By age 30, the loneliness of my birthday was much deeper, to the point that I ignored the day all together and instead decided to go to work and keep my mind preoccupied with the goal passing the day fast. Upon arriving at work, a good friend of mine took me to his office, called his wife and his two year old daughter (who till today I adore) sang me happy birthday. Privately I cried. 

Years ago my aunt sent me a text wishing to meet up for by birthday week. Quickly it became apparent that she did not know the month or day of my birthday. She was 3 months off and I politely declined.  

Then there was my x-girlfriend, we are 32 days apart on our birthday. However, as my birthday got closer I noticed that there was no mention nor the slightest idea that my birthday was arriving. The day arrived, she was off from work and was clueless of my birthday. On the same day, my attorney, who knew my birthday as a result of legal issues contacted me and invited out to lunch. I accepted, told my girlfriend that I had a business meeting and left in her own world.

My brother, my parents, my aunt, my girlfriend-those who are supposed to be important in my life never mentioned a word.

As I get older, the thought of my birthday becomes harder to accept. It’s a day filled with empty memories of neglect, emptiness and regrettable memories which I can’t shake nor shake. February 9 is the worst day of my life. 
 

 

 

 

[ShySoul]

I understand your feelings. Birthdays leave me feeling down as well. My birthday was a week ago and the only family who said anything was my mother (by text when I've specificly told her I would rather she call). I've spent more then one birthday alone in the past and really only have one friend that makes me feel special on the day now. Then there was the time co-workers decided to all start singing to me even after I told them it was fine to skip it. Really, do they not understand how uncomfortable it is for someone they know is introverted to have a bunch of people staring at them and singing to them? I've basically stopped celebrating my birthday and try to view it as any other day. I've told my co-workers I prefer they don't do anything for me. And there are plenty of other people who feel similarly. So you aren't alone. (https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/j35ku6/i_dont_like_celebrating_my_own_birthday/)

Your birthday should be about you. So forget about everyone else, and focus on you. As nice as it would be to be celebrated by others, celebrate yourself instead. Have the meal you want. Do the activity that makes you happiest. Or do nothing at all and forget the day even exists. Whatever makes you feel better, go for it. Try not to dwell on bad memories of the past (I know, it can be tough), and concentrate on building a happy memory for youself in the present. And for what it's worth, Happy Birthday from one Aquarius to another.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, NIN2000 said:

 friends surprised me with a cake and sang me happy birthday., a good friend of mine took me to his office, called his wife and his two year old daughter sang me happy birthday. Years ago my aunt sent me a text wishing to meet up for by birthday week.  I politely declined.  my attorney, who knew my birthday  and invited out to lunch. 

Happy birthday. Sorry you feel disappointed. It seems like people have made efforts and have acknowledged you, just not the right people at the right time. Perhaps you overemphasize family from longstanding resentments. Enjoy the people who are kind to you rather than staying upset at people who've disappointed you years ago. 

[Kwothe28]

9 hours ago, NIN2000 said:

I have a faint memory of my 8th birthday, stunning till today was the indifference of all involved: my mother, step father, grandfather etc. It shocked me to the point that I never again celebrated another birthday.

 

I mean I can see why you dont feel special on the day. But, as other things in life, if you dont put more emphasis on it, dunno why you expect other people would. For example, you never make a big deal out of it, probably dont talk about it, or make a big party for it. So, naturally, other people wont too. Again, I can see why you do it. But your expectataions should be adjusted accordingly for that reason. 

Also, do you make a big deal for somebody else birthday? Have you taken your ex to dinner or made her feel special for that day? Or you just expected to celebrate with her when she threws a party?

Also, also, happy birthday to you!!!!

[Batya33]

I'm sorry your birthday experiences have been so disappointing.  Do you ever consider taking yourself out for your birthday or after that 8th birthday you were done? I am a mom and my son is turning 15 soon.  All over FB I see parents making the hugest deal out of their children's birthdays. 

Themes, expensive venues, party/game trucks, inflatables in the backyard and during covid having people drive by and toss out gifts. I wonder sometimes - is this what the child really wants or is this more about the parents (I mean children who would be old enough to participate in the decisions). We've had one party at a venue for our son when he was 5.  He's not a big crowd/party kind of person so we plan accordingly -most often we  take him on a trip.  He loves hearing about the day he was born -all the details - and I love sharing that with him.  But big celebrations? No. Posting attention grabbing photos on FB - no. Please know that there is a huge range in life of how birthdays are acknowledged -or not. 

I would be VERY upset if my mom and sister and husband and son didn't acknowledge my birthday and I know other people who wouldn't care.  I have nieces and nephews who are older than you - late 20s-30s and I sent gifts until each was 21 and I acknowledge birthdays but because I am the Aunt they don't acknowledge mine (older generation). Honestly -not a fan but it doesn't get to me. I wish my Aunt and Uncle happy bday (I am 57).  

Maybe when you're feeling centered and balanced reevaluate your expectations and what they are based on -you do you of course - but it might be time at your age.  

[Cherylyn]

Happy Belated Birthday! 

I'm sorry for your hurts. 

I've found that whenever I feel down and depressed,  I'll put myself aside and do something for someone else such as those who are less fortunate than I am or the disadvantaged.  I'll do some type of community service and my spirits are lifted.  There are so many people who need you.  When you help them in your own way, you'll feel grateful no matter what.

If that's not possible,  do something special for yourself such as pampering yourself or do something indulgent. 

Or, gather your friends and tell them that you'd like to go out with them such as dinner or something like that because you want to celebrate your belated birthday.  Tell them not to bring a gift and everyone can pay their own way.  Be bold and just do it.  Sometimes friends need a nudge to get them moving and to get them to do something enjoyable together. 

[tattoobunnie]

Throw your own parties!  Been happily married, but my own hubs probably has only partially planned my 40th (that really made me sad, but now I say F-it).  Last year, did a Smash Room with a dozen of my lady friends.  Other times, I've done karaoke, clubbing, gun range, movies, fancy dinners.  This year, I am taking my family to Costa Rica.

You make a fuss about you!  Plan a party or outing, and people will come.