Feeling so alone

[Missmexo2]

I will try to sum this up as quickly as possible. Basically back in the summer I had met this guy and went out and it was the first time I really felt something in years since I last dated. I now recognize he was just trying to love bomb me in order to get control and feed his ego. Since then we were really off and on, it’s been very inconsistent with his communication, and it’s very clear that this person doesn’t actually want me and just likes the convenience and what I can bring to them. I did cut him off finally, and it’s making me feel really alone and feeling like I don’t deserve better than below bare minimum treatment. Even if I’ve tried to slightly speak up, this person became reactive or ignoring me which I am aware is not healthy when all I wanted was basic respect. I was in therapy for a while and making a lot of progress before I met this person and unfortunately I have lost coverage during this time and I’m on a waiting list for someone that will take my insurance.  i’m trying to do all the things like go for a walk, Meditate, journal, listen to music, spend time with loved ones and surround myself with positivity, but in the back of my mind, I just can’t stop thinking about if I was just someone else or if I did something different this person would be different and want me in a different way, the way I truly want. I know I am also still trying to heal wounds from my narcissistic mother and likely go for people who are like her because it’s “familiar” and I always feel I need to prove myself to be loved. I really am just venting at this point and I know someone else has probably felt like this and I’m just wondering what else could I even be doing or even just any feedback about how other others have processed this type of thing. thank you!

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you still feel upset and disappointed.  I'd avoid the "surround myself with positivity" kind of mindset -it's just too abstract and a way to avoid putting in active effort to move on.  Instead I'd take actions every day to get out of your head -do you volunteer anywhere? Call a friend and not talk about your past relationship? Sounds like you wanted more than "basic respect" - you wanted him to see  you as girlfriend /long  term material and he didn't.  Which is fine but he's not your guy -he didn't want that with you. 

For sure therapy is great -in the meanwhile I'd look into volunteering and joining activity type groups -like swing dancing, hiking, pickleball etc.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Missmexo2 said:

. Basically back in the summer. Since then we were really off and on, it’s been very inconsistent with his communication, and it’s very clear that this person doesn’t actually want me and just likes the convenience and what I can bring to them. I did cut him off finally, 

Sorry this happened. You made the right decision ending it. Trust your instincts. 

It's not about you or anything are or did wrong. It was just a few months and basically even though he was nice at first, his true colors came out as a just an indifferent cad looking for convenience.  Sometimes people string people along and hide their motives with a facade. 

[ShySoul]

12 hours ago, Missmexo2 said:

 i’m trying to do all the things like go for a walk, Meditate, journal, listen to music, spend time with loved ones and surround myself with positivity,

Keep doing this, taking it one day at a time. Do the things that do make you feel happy. Rather then look to others for value and respect, look within yourself. Find something you feel passionate about, and pursue it. Volunteering is a great way to start. It can lessen all those feelings of hurt and unworthiness and lets you turn it into something more positive and constructive, giving you feelings of joy and hope instead. 

It's okay to feel bad. We all have doubts and wonder "what if." Feeling better or getting over someone is a journey, not a lightswitch. You have to ride the rollercoaster through the ups and downs. The important thing is to keep in mind that the downtimes are temporary. It's fine to feel hurt, just try to not get lost in it. Have hope that a better day is coming, keep busy, and eventually things will improve. Until then, vent all you want. It's helpful to blow off some steam.

Also keep in mind that everyone is responsible for their own choices. He is the person he always was going to turn out to be. He could hide it for a time, but it was always going to come out and nothing you could have done would have changed that. It's tempting to believe he might have changed if only you had said or did something different. But he was only going to change if he wanted to. Since he didn't want to, you are far better off without him. You are worthy of a great love that he wasn't capable of giving you. So try not to focus on him and instead know that a better love is out there for you one day.