I will try to sum this up as quickly as possible. Basically back in the summer I had met this guy and went out and it was the first time I really felt something in years since I last dated. I now recognize he was just trying to love bomb me in order to get control and feed his ego. Since then we were really off and on, it’s been very inconsistent with his communication, and it’s very clear that this person doesn’t actually want me and just likes the convenience and what I can bring to them. I did cut him off finally, and it’s making me feel really alone and feeling like I don’t deserve better than below bare minimum treatment. Even if I’ve tried to slightly speak up, this person became reactive or ignoring me which I am aware is not healthy when all I wanted was basic respect. I was in therapy for a while and making a lot of progress before I met this person and unfortunately I have lost coverage during this time and I’m on a waiting list for someone that will take my insurance. i’m trying to do all the things like go for a walk, Meditate, journal, listen to music, spend time with loved ones and surround myself with positivity, but in the back of my mind, I just can’t stop thinking about if I was just someone else or if I did something different this person would be different and want me in a different way, the way I truly want. I know I am also still trying to heal wounds from my narcissistic mother and likely go for people who are like her because it’s “familiar” and I always feel I need to prove myself to be loved. I really am just venting at this point and I know someone else has probably felt like this and I’m just wondering what else could I even be doing or even just any feedback about how other others have processed this type of thing. thank you!
