Is it worth getting in touch with my first love?

[Techusy]

Long story short, I was with my first love for 3 years before we broke nearly 10 years ago. We were young and in our early 20s back then, things just fizzled out. I've always thought about her but eventually we went our separate ways, she got in to a relationship with another guy for a few years but eventually he ended up cheating on her, this was around 2017. 

At the start of 2019, she did add me on social media but she didn't say anything to me so a few days later I ended up deleting her because I realised I still wasn't over her. At the end of 2019 I heard that she was engaged, she ended up getting married but then I heard she got divorced around a year and a half ago.

Today I found out that the reason for her divorce was because her husband cheated on her and was abusive towards her. 

As for me I have been single for a few years now, I have been evolving in my career and proud of how far I've come and I am due to start a new chapter in my career next week.

But I do wonder now if I should get in touch with her, I know its been a long time and we have both changed a lot. I also feel sorry for her after everything she's been through, is it worth me getting in touch with her even after all this time? 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Techusy said:

At the start of 2019, she did add me on social media but she didn't say anything to me so a few days later I ended up deleting her 

Today I found out that the reason for her divorce was because her husband cheated on her and was abusive towards her. 

How did you find this out? When was the last time you communicated? 

Are you hoping she would like to date you again?  Is this the same woman?:

 

[Techusy]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How did you find this out? When was the last time you communicated? 

Are you hoping she would like to date you again?  Is this the same woman?:

 

Nope this is someone from my first relationship 

[Andrina]

My stream of thought is that you were both adults, albeit young, when it fizzled out. I'm guessing that the same would happen again when the newness wears off, if you two reunited. I also know, because I've been there, is that when a person isn't happy in their present, they seek their happiness within the past because the future can't be known--you can't visualize a future mate you haven't met, but you can visualize the pretty woman you once knew.

On the other hand, if you're both single and living locally to one another, you could always ask to meet for coffee or lunch and see how it goes. I'm glad you know that you two will be different versions of yourself, and so pretend as though this is a new dating experience without expectations that everything will be the same as it once was to avoid disappointment and assumptions.

Good luck in whichever decision you make. Of course, she might decide against it even if you reach out, and then you can at least have closure.

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, Techusy said:

Nope this is someone from my first relationship 

How did you find this out? When was the last time you communicated? 

Are you hoping she would like to date you again?

[JoyfulCompany]

Honestly, if you've been mostly reminiscing of exes, i.e. living in the past, I would assume you're not very happy where you currently are with your life and would suggest looking for other ways to bring some joy and contentment. Definitely try new activities, experiences and to meet new people.

I don't say this is your case, just sharing a perspective from the other side of things, but... Whenever an ex gets suddenly reminded of me and wants to communicate, I don't feel flattered at all. I feel like they are bored or under a dry spell, thought of me and how I've been a decent human being to them, and suddenly are trying to project something on to me and fit me in some picture. But after all these years I don't feel like we really know each other anymore, we're different people since the time we were together and it's mostly a fantasy on their side.

In all honesty I've done it, too - the fantasy part but without actually reaching out. It never was in the high seasons of my life. Most of the time in some lonely episode.

So, I would not put too much hope on reconnecting.

[Kwothe28]

Is it worth? Eh, probably not. People change through years. Even if you reconnect, you would maybe find out a lot has changed. Her divorce for one and how did it affected her. Especially with cheating involved. 

After some time passes, some people have "ideal" look at some past relationships. While, even then it wasnt ideal. At the end of days, you did broke up for something. But, due to you not having anyone at the moment, you think of her from the past and want to reconnect thinking its something you would like to come back. And in lots of cases, its not. 

But hey, it doesnt cost you anything to at least try. Maybe she wants to reconnect too and would maybe work out now. We do have a frequent Forum member with that story. 

[tattoobunnie]

18 hours ago, Techusy said:

I've always thought...is it worth me getting in touch with her even after all this time? 

No one here has a crystal ball, so it's up to you if you want to take a chance.  My ex did 14 years later of absolutely no communication, and we are happily married with 2 kiddos for well over a decade.  He was my 1st love too, and is the perfect one for me.

[catfeeder]

11 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

No one here has a crystal ball, so...

Exactly my first thought. Nobody here knows anything more about the woman than you.

As for what to do? If it's not illegal, immoral or harmful, what's to lose?

[smackie9]

Reaching out to give comfort is fine....don't go there about romantic connection. Maybe a friendship can flourish. 

[Starlight925]

I say go for it.  You never know!

If you don't, you could always have this little feeling of what if.

If you do, then at least you'll know.

And who wouldn't be flattered at someone from their past reaching out to say you're thinking of them?