Advice on Scheduling a First Date During the Busy Holiday Season!

[Big-Fennel3632]

Hey everyone,

I find myself in a bit of a scheduling dilemma and could use some advice. Here's the situation:

Over the past few months, I've been casually dating two girls I knew from before, I am still on occasion seeing one of them, with no serious commitments or labels.

About 10 days ago, I matched with this great girl on Tinder. We hit it off instantly, moved the conversation to Instagram, and she's been continuously responsive with great replies. I asked her if she would be up for meeting for a few drinks and she said "absolutely". However, due to the busy holiday season, scheduling a first date has proven challenging. We're both swamped with work, she has uni commitments, and I've been working overtime too.

I've already tried to squeeze something in before Christmas, but she had an important uni paper and skills test as its her final year in her degree for Law, so we couldn't make it happen. She mentioned trying to get something sorted, which was cool.

Now, I'm wondering how to proceed as I dont want to come across annoying. Should I wait until the new year to ask again? I also don't want to bombard her with messages, as I prefer learning more about her in person. Should I keep the conversation going every few days, or is that too much?

Another detail is that she's currently studying about 60 miles away, which is around a 1 hour and 20-minute drive for me. Not an issue for me, but it adds an extra layer of coordination.

Any tips or insights on how to navigate this situation would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

[Batya33]

Don't burden her or you with trying to fit this in this week. Make a plan now for first week of January and then only contact to confirm -don't conduct this typing and  talking chat buddy stuff especially during this busy time.  I had a blind date first week of January 25 years ago -we spoke once or  twice during the holiday season to set it up and it was obvious we couldn't meet before.  We dated for 7 years on and off after that. I'm glad we waited -was much more relaxing.

Also don't meet unless you can meet halfway regularly or she regularly visits where you live or vice versa.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Big-Fennel3632 said:

. I asked her if she would be up for meeting for a few drinks and she said "absolutely".  

Perhaps suggest something after New Year's and ask her when she will be free.  Stay in light touch until you can arrange a meeting. 

[Big-Fennel3632]

@Batya33 @Wiseman2 Ok I will message her and try and arrange something for after the New Year, I just didn't know whether or not I would be being pushy or not haha.

She seems like a lovely girl and is really career driven which I love, so looking forward to meeting her face to face. Hope you guys had a lovely Christmas if you celebrate and have a good New Year.

Thanks again for commenting on my profile, you always come with good advice. 🙏

[rainbowsandroses]

@Big-Fennel3632 you probably won't like what I'm about to say but please try to not allow your fantasy about this girl to cloud good judgment.

There are many women (and men) on dating apps who actually have no intention of actually dating.  Tinder is notorious for it.

Either their lives are too busy, they're married/in another relationship or they have some sort of social anxiety or whatever. 

This girl told you she is in final year of law school, has intense study and exams and not sure when she can meet.

Have you asked yourself why a woman who clearly has no time to meet, even briefly, is on a dating app?  The 60 minute drive distance only adds to the unlikelihood she actually wants to meet, imo.. 

In my opinion and experience, it's because they enjoy the on-line interaction, the on-line connection, the attention, the fantasy. 

It's very common, so be careful with your emotions.

I can't say for certain that's what happening here however the fact she's too busy with school to meet and given this is her final year, it's only going to get worse. 

I have friends who have been to law school and they literally gave.up dating for three years while in school, it's extremely intense!  The final year being the most intense.

Assuming she's being truthful, who knows.  I wouldn't advise trusting anything anyone tells you on line until you meet in person.

My advice?  Lean back and continue talking to and actually meeting/dating other women.

If they are not available to meet within the first week, two tops, for a simple and easy 15 minute coffee or walk, move on. 

JMO

 

[Starlight925]

Unfortunately, I have to agree with @rainbowsandroses.  

A person who really wants to meet someone doesn't move you from one app to another and continue with "words on a screen".

She may be using your interactions as a time filler between studying, a fun little break.

Give her a couple of availability dates in early January.  You'll know from her response whether she's truly interested in meeting or will kick this can down the road.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Big-Fennel3632 said:

@Batya33 @Wiseman2 Ok I will message her and try and arrange something for after the New Year, I just didn't know whether or not I would be being pushy or not haha.

She seems like a lovely girl and is really career driven which I love, so looking forward to meeting her face to face. Hope you guys had a lovely Christmas if you celebrate and have a good New Year.

Thanks again for commenting on my profile, you always come with good advice. 🙏

Love the use of the word girl. Are you a career driven boy ? Many women have strong work ethics and passion for their careers. Just like men!  Most girls and boys don’t in the same way cause they’re often too young to have more than a job. I was intensely focused on my two future careers the summer I turned 15. Given that I wasn’t a fan of dating men who referred to me as a girl except in context. I’m glad you have a good impression of her and if she truly is an independent person and an adult just be a little sensitive to referring to her as a girl. 
These days it’s not just semantics and can make for a bad first impression. IMO. 

[boltnrun]

Many adult women refer to themselves as "girls". Of course that's puzzling because many of those same women don't refer to men as "boys". It's a mystery to me why that is.  Sure, it's semantics but it also perpetuates the idea that women are less capable than men when it comes to career, relationships, etc. But that opinion is apparently a minority as I see many women even on this forum refer to themselves as "girls". My best friend is my age (late 50s) and she refers to herself as a girl. I don't because I think it makes me appear as though I'm trying to be or act younger and I wear my age as a badge of honor, not something shameful.

I also find the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" odd when they're used to describe adults well into their 20s and older (even people in their 50s and 60s!)

Anyway, back on track! I would expect a law student to be exceedingly busy this time of year. But I do agree, why bother being on a dating site if you have no time to actually go on dates??

[rainbowsandroses]

I view the term "girl" as the female version of "guy."

"He's a great guy."  "She's a great girl."

I don't attach any significant meaning to it other than it's a casual term used to describe the female gender. 

Which imo is how the OP meant it here (she's a lovely girl).

I refer to myself as girl sometimes.  I have a very "girlish" personality, I love "girly" things and take no offense when others refer to me that way.

To each her own. 

 

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I view the term "girl" as the female version of "guy."

"He's a great guy."  "She's a great girl."

I don't attach any significant meaning to it other than it's a casual term used to describe the female gender. 

Which imo is how the OP meant it here (she's a lovely girl).

I refer to myself as girl.  I have a very "girlish" personality, I love "girly" things and take no offense when others refer to me that way.

To each her own. 

 

Yup. And I’ve never heard of a label “career driven man” but have “career driven woman”. Why ? I do guy and gal. Not girl. Or “working mother “ but - “working father?”

im ok with a person referring to themselves as girl or boy  it’s different than another person  I also didn’t like the flight attendant on our flight home referring to me repeatedly as honey and my husband as darling  ick  

I was on dating sites for years  and was always available to meet and assumed that during major holidays many people were busy and couldn’t meet. 

[Lambert]

Be careful you're not being strung along. a quick Google search confirmed what I already thought... law school like other colleges  have a winter break.  finals are over and it's holiday time.

[rainbowsandroses]

31 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I was on dating sites for years  and was always available to meet and assumed that during major holidays many people were busy and couldn’t meet. 

That's reasonable however what's concerning imo is that she couldn't commit to scheduling a day to meet even after the holidays.

5 hours ago, Big-Fennel3632 said:

I've already tried to squeeze something in before Christmas, but she had an important uni paper and skills test as its her final year in her degree for Law, so we couldn't make it happen. She mentioned trying to get something sorted, which was cool.

Why so elusive?  If she's truly interested in actually meeting, then schedule a day after the new year, what the heck.

Is that not why she's on a dating app?  To actually meet?  Perhaps not as I previously posted. 

I dunno, I may be the wrong person to advise because I have witnessed and experienced so much BS from dating apps and sites and talking via the internet in general.

Or perhaps for that reason, I am the right person to advise.

In any event OP, give her some dates after the new year, if she hems and haws, has excuses, my advice would be to next her.

Good luck..

 

[rainbowsandroses]

10 minutes ago, Lambert said:

Be careful you're not being strung along. a quick Google search confirmed what I already thought... law school like other colleges  have a winter break.  finals are over and it's holiday time.

Busted! Lol

NEXT.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Big-Fennel3632 said:

 10 days ago, I matched with this great girl on Tinder. We hit it off instantly, moved the conversation to Instagram, and she's been continuously responsive with great replies.

She seems to have a lot of time for Tinder, IG and messaging but not meeting? Whose idea was moving it to IG?  Please slow down on the messaging and focus on a meeting. 

[Batya33]

43 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

That's reasonable however what's concerning imo is that she couldn't commit to scheduling a day to meet even after the holidays.

Why so elusive?  If she's truly interested in actually meeting, then schedule a day after the new year, what the heck.

Is that not why she's on a dating app?  To actually meet?  Perhaps not as I previously posted. 

I dunno, I may be the wrong person to advise because I have witnessed and experienced so much BS from dating apps and sites and talking via the internet in general.

Or perhaps for that reason, I am the right person to advise.

In any event OP, give her some dates after the new year, if she hems and haws, has excuses, my advice would be to next her.

Good luck..

 

Yes.  I completely agree - I missed that maybe -sorry! She should be open to scheduling a week in advance.

[shouldhavelearned]

She wants you as a backup 

[Big-Fennel3632]

Right I just woke up with alot to unpack here.. 🤣 Thanks for commenting everyone. 🙏🏼

I will point out very early on in the conversation, I moved it to instagram. Just something I do to give an extra layer incase I am being catfished.

She may very well be using me as a time filler or shes just busy with work, like myself last week and this week for new years work is crazy.

I honestly dont have to much emotions in this, if nothing happens I am fine with it haha.

Regarding me saying "girl" I didnt mean anything by it, I am 25 and she is 22 so both of us are adults.

When it comes to setting a date, I believe I started talking to her on 17-18th December, I tried to sqeeze something in on the dates I was free from my work but it was a stretch as I had already signed up for alot of overtime between 18th-31st. She is also busy with work so much so she didnt end up going home for Christmas to see her family.

I have a friend that studies at the same uni as her and almost all courses took break on the 22nd, so I dont think she was lying.

We messaged alot the first few days but since then It has been every 2nd day a few messages.

I will ask her and try set a date for 1st week of January, if not ill just leave it at that.

Thanks everyone. @Batya33 @rainbowsandroses @Starlight925 @boltnrun @Wiseman2