Should I even go to this date ? Am I too picky in my approach to dating ?

[catfeeder]

You’re not powerless. Push back and tell him the truth, “I view it as disloyal to your GF, and I’m not going to play.” Repeat that until he goes away.

If he goes aggressively manipulative, my gloves would come off, and I’d tell him to stop whining.

Don’t do the powerless number on yourself. Get annoyed, and show it.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, catfeeder said:

You’re not powerless. Push back and tell him the truth, “I view it as disloyal to your GF, and I’m not going to play.” Repeat that until he goes away.

If he goes aggressively manipulative, my gloves would come off, and I’d tell him to stop whining.

Don’t do the powerless number on yourself. Get annoyed, and show it.

Yup.  And a good social worker does their job by not getting pulled in emotionally to the extent that they would allow themselves to ignore flags.  Empathy means being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes, not sacrificing common sense and putting yourself in a bad situation. That's precisely how social workers and similar professions are able to get a good read on people and a situation - by being confident and keeping an objective distance while remaining supportive.

[catfeeder]

51 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yup.  And a good social worker does their job by not getting pulled in emotionally to the extent that they would allow themselves to ignore flags.  Empathy means being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes, not sacrificing common sense and putting yourself in a bad situation. That's precisely how social workers and similar professions are able to get a good read on people and a situation - by being confident and keeping an objective distance while remaining supportive.

Yep, and nobody is powerless to bust someone on their BS. If he tries to turn it back on you, don’t scramble for an answer he’d find acceptable—you owe him nothing. Just smile and tell him you’re not going to play, and you don’t care how he wants to characterize that.

If this other person would cater to this turd badmouthing you, that’s an important thing to learn early. Don’t let yourself be bullied because you want to stay in someone’s group. That’s messy kid stuff, and it’s harmful to you. Anybody can form a meetup group. Stick with people who share your values, and you won’t position yourself badly.

[Shycarrot]

Thank you so much for your advice !!! 

You're right, I am actually not powerless, and even if I am at a particular moment, that does not mean that I can't change it. 

The event was great and I had very few opportunities to talk to the guy, so everything is fine in that regard. 

However, the host (who's friend with the unfaithful guy) walked me to my car and asked me on a date after the event.

Unfortunately, I don't feel attracted to him. 

So I said that I wasn't looking to date at the moment, but that I would get back to him with an answer (I realize I should not have said the last part). 

When I got home, he sent me a sweet text in which he admitted he liked me and was hoping he didn't made me uncomfortable. 

I am going to say that while I appreciate him, I prefer group activities. I hope it won't come back to bite me later.

I don't have the heart to tell him I don't feel attracted to him.

But now I am thinking that maybe it's not a good reply, because he'll still think he has a chance and approach me on group events ? 

I am overthinking again 😕 

What's funny is that after all these adventures, I might start to look for a new meet up group lol 

 

 

 

 

[Shycarrot]

I added on the text that I wasn't looking to date on meetup. 

I don't know if it's a good idea 😅

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, Shycarrot said:

I added on the text that I wasn't looking to date on meetup. 

I don't know if it's a good idea 😅

Whatever you said was fine. If you need to repeat yourself about not dating through meetups just do that so you can continue to enjoy yourself. But you are right, finding additional groups so that you don’t become regular with any given one buys you the breathing room from each group, and it also makes you less anxious to please any given leader in a group.

Head high, enjoy yourself, and trust that you will learn how to navigate around any guy who doesn’t attract you. But be careful. Team up with other women to look out for one another to make sure you each get home safely. And watch your drinks!

[Shycarrot]

3 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Whatever you said was fine. If you need to repeat yourself about not dating through meetups just do that so you can continue to enjoy yourself. But you are right, finding additional groups so that you don’t become regular with any given one buys you the breathing room from each group, and it also makes you less anxious to please any given leader in a group.

Head high, enjoy yourself, and trust that you will learn how to navigate around any guy who doesn’t attract you. But be careful. Team up with other women to look out for one another to make sure you each get home safely. And watch your drinks!

Thank you so much ❤️

Don't worry, I tend to be really cautious when I go out but I appreciate your concern 🙂 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Shycarrot said:

Thank you so much ❤️

Don't worry, I tend to be really cautious when I go out but I appreciate your concern 🙂 

Drinks-including water/non alcoholic, etc and good for you that you are cautious! I don't think there's ever a need to tell someone in that context you don't feel attracted. No tells the person what he needs to know or "I'd love to hang out as a group with our friends"