a guy I was seeing for months gave me an STI, and then he stopped responding?

[user 495803]

Hi. I need your honest opinion. I was seeing a guy for a few months. I told him I wanted more with him, and he said he was going thru things, or didn't know how to talk about his feelings. So I would leave him alone, and every time I did, he would come back like nothing happened asking to see me. We ended up hooking up once or twice a month for 5 months. I was sure he didn't see anyone else, bc he told me I was the only one. 

Recently saw my doctor for an annual exam, was screened, and was diagnosed with an STI. I told him about it, and that he was the only one who could've given to me as I was only with him and I have always been clean in the past. He told me that he would go to the doctor but hasn't been tested in a long time. I asked if he would share his results w me so I can be retested and have the right info to inform my doctor, and he completely ignored me. I haven't heard a thing since

Why would he ignore me? Is he pissed or thinks I am "dirty" or a "liar"? Thats how it is making me feel and it has been so ***ty. OR do you think he is guilty, and knows it and is not wanting to take accountability? Because if it were me and I didnt have it, I would telll the other person so they aren't going around thinking I gave them an STI. 

ive been thinking about reaching out again, just to let him know how all this has affected me so I can move on. but im afraid he is going to say "im clean so idk where you got it" and then im going to worry wondering if my test wasnt accurate or if he is lying. 

thank you for your input 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, user 495803 said:

Recently saw my doctor for an annual exam, was screened, and was diagnosed with an STI. I told him about it, and that he was the only one who could've given to me as I was only with him and I have always been clean in the past. He told me that he would go to the doctor but hasn't been tested in a long time.

Sorry this happened. It's good you went to a doctor and got tested and treated and informed your contact.  Since this was a casual hookup situation it would be best to cut your losses. 

There's nothing more to discuss. You informed him and it's up to him to get tested and treated. Please don't second guess laboratory results to hang on to him.  He can come up with whatever he wants but a lab test is a lab test. 

Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. There's nothing to salvage here. Even though some STDs can be asymptomatic and festering, he admits not being tested. 

Please practice safer sex. Condoms don't prevent everything but it certainly helps and is especially important in casual non-committal situationships. 

[user 495803]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. It's good you went to a doctor and got tested and treated and informed your contact.  Since this was a casual hookup situation it would be best to cut your losses. 

There's nothing more to discuss. You informed him and it's up to him to get tested and treated. Please don't second guess laboratory results to hang on to him.  He can come up with whatever he wants but a lab test is a lab test. 

Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. There's nothing to salvage here. Even though some STDs can be asymptomatic and festering, he admits not being tested. 

Please practice safer sex. Condoms don't prevent everything but it certainly helps and is especially important in casual non-committal situationships. 

Thank you for your advice:) am I wrong in feeling disrespected by him not replying? this who experience has been so hurtful

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, user 495803 said:

Thank you for your advice:) am I wrong in feeling disrespected by him not replying? this who experience has been so hurtful

Unfortunately he doesn't seem like a stand up guy. He's disrespectful and you did the right thing informing him. Please delete and block him. 

 

[ShySoul]

1. He was constantly "going through things."

2. He "didn't know how to talk about his feeling."

3. He would keep coming back and expected you to take him back, knowing you wanted more and that he was unwilling to give it.

4. He ignored your request and didn't seem to care about your condition.

You were disrepected and have every right to feel that way. He used you when he felt like it and took advantage of you. Please, have nothing more to do with him. You deserve far better.

[Jaunty]

18 hours ago, user 495803 said:

Thank you for your advice:) am I wrong in feeling disrespected by him not replying? this who experience has been so hurtful

You feel how you feel - feelings are not "right" or "wrong."   

They may be inappropriate.  

In your case it's easy to understand why you feel like this, but I would encourage you to treat YOURSELF with more respect.

Read your 1st paragraph here.

You wanted "more."  He told you "no."  So you permitted hookups with him once or twice per month.

Nothing wrong with hookups if that's what you want - but since you asked for "MORE" and this is what he offered - you sure were not treating yourself with respect by going along with it.

I'm sorry about the STI but it's pretty predictable.  In the future if you are engaging in hookups always use condoms with no exceptions.  

[Batya33]

Agree with jaunty completely. You’ve done all you can to share the information. I hope it’s a resolvable STI - meaning quick recovery and quickly treatable. 

[catfeeder]

18 hours ago, user 495803 said:

...am I wrong in feeling disrespected by him not replying? this who experience has been so hurtful

Your feelings are your feelings. Emotions don't run on rules. But I agree with @Jaunty that it's not self-respectful when you know that you're relationship material to settle for scraps from someone who just wants casual hookups. You approached the diagnosis as, "We're in this together..." while his silent message said, "We're not 'together', and I won't be accountable to you."

Feeling however you feel about that is natural, but it also tells you that your expectations were too high for someone who was never even willing to give you the basic partnership you want and deserve. So going forward, be clear about what you want from the very beginning. "I view myself as relationship material, do you see yourself the same way?" Anything short of a clear "yes" to that is a no. And that's your prompt to walk away and keep seeking the kind of guy who will date you with a goal of being "in this with you" as a loyal partner.