Need advice 😔

[Nessa474]

Am I selfish for being upset that my boyfriend chooses his family over me a lot? He lives with them and we are semi long distance so we only get to see each other one specific day a week. It's been hard on both of us and I look forward all week to seeing him. He says he wants to spend more time with me, is working towards living together soon, etc. But he chooses last minute after I get through the week and look forward to seeing him to stay home on our day pretty often because he has to do something for his family, because they ask him for something, one of his parents needs his support, because it's veteran's day, etc. I really need his support right now as I am going through a very hard time with mental health and family issues. He's great at listening on the phone and asking about my feelings and saying he cares but I always feel like I'm alone and I feel so selfish for feeling like I always come second to everything.

[Cherylyn]

If he lives with his parents and either pays reduced rent or lives at their house for free, then he's beholden to them,  owes them a lot of favors such as helping them,  assistance,  family commitments and the like.  Nothing is for free.  There's always a catch.  He's obligated to do their bidding.  Until he has complete financial independence,  he will have to prioritize his family over you.  This is the arrangement. 

No,  you're not selfish.  His parents have the advantage because money talks.

[Batya33]

Why can't you be with him even if he has to help his parents? Is it possible he's overwhelmed with your neediness right now?

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Nessa474 said:

. I really need his support right now as I am going through a very hard time with mental health and family issues. 

Sorry this is happening. How far apart are you? How old is he? According to your other thread, it seems like he's trying to break up with you.

However it seems like he is doing it by fading out or telling you he's a homicidal sex manic, you're too good for him, etc. 

Do you work? Go to school? Live with family? Please see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. 

A BF, especially someone who claims to be mentally unstable and seems to be avoiding you, can not be your therapist or sole support network. 

It's unfortunate you're disappointed that he keeps cancelling however perhaps it's time to reevaluate the situation. 

[MissCanuck]

12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

it seems like he is doing it by fading out or telling you he's a homicidal sex manic, you're too good for him,

This. 

@Nessa474, you got advice in your other thread. This is a distubed individual. Him not wanting to spend more time with you is the least of your worries with this sick man. 

You should have dumped him yesterday. What the heck are you still doing there? 

[smackie9]

How can you possibly feel you could ever get support from a man that struggles with demented thoughts /unavailable. You need to figure out other ways to cope with your issues. IMO it's nice to have a partner that is supportive BUT it's isn't their job to be your soother. I hope you are seeing a therapist, and maybe learn some coping skills when you have the blues, like regular exercise, eat a healthy diet, hobbies, talk to a close friend over coffee, read a good book for distraction. Leaning on your partner all the time only enables the bad feelings and makes things unhealthy in your relationship.

At this point complaining about him is a waste of time. Ask us for advice about your family issues. See what we can do for you.