Cannot get a straight answer on why she left

[JMalone]

Ok, so my wife of a little over 2 years up and left a little over 2 weeks ago. I guess first off let me give a little background about myself so I can get a fair opinion. My first wife of 14 years passed away over 4 years ago and I took that kind of hard. As a result, I temporarily turned to drugs to ease the pain that I felt. When I met my new wife, I decided to turn over a new leaf and I wanted to quit. I tried it a couple of times and realized I needed help, so I got it and now i'm sober. I'm also a combat veteran with PTSD that I take medications for. When I detoxed, they took me off everything including my medications. When I got back home, I immediately called my doctor to make an appointment to get my medications back. An emergency came up and I had to miss that appointment. I rescheduled for about a week out and that was that.

Well, a couple of days went by, and I noticed that I was being kind of rude particularly to her son because he refused to go to school or listen to the rules. With that being said, I took it upon myself to check myself into the nearest “intensive outpatient” program that does medication management. I was truly trying to help the situation out; I was trying to do something about me by not having my medications. The doctor ended up putting me on some sort of sleep aid and I took it the first night and apparently (I don’t remember this at all) I said some rude things to her.

The next day she was gone, she didn’t come back until the next day and all she did was pack her things and left. I haven’t seen her since. Before I went, I even told her that sometimes these medications will have some not so good side effects. But I got back on my meds, and I am sober, and she’s gone. How does a woman leave a man if he’s trying? How does she leave me when I’m not everything she wanted? Wouldn’t someone want to at least see what it would be like? I’ve asked her to give me one month just to see what she thinks, she really doesn’t even answer. Honestly, I’ve had to deal with a lot of things from her side of the family and I forgave them and moved on.

Why didn’t she want to be there for me in my time of need? She just left. She won’t let me see her, she barely answers my calls, she doesn’t really text. I will say this though, she is going through menopause. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it or not. But she is a totally different person right now. Could it be an old fling back in her life? What should I do? I love her with all of my heart, she is my entire world. Please help me.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, JMalone said:

 I noticed that I was being kind of rude particularly to her son because he refused to go to school or listen to the rules. 

Sorry this happened. Where is your wife staying? Did she move out completely?

How old is she and her son?  Did she file for divorce? Unfortunately it seems she's fleeing from abuse. All you can do is continue taking care of yourself and your physical and mental health and see if you hear from her. 

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Where is your wife staying? Did she move out completely?

How old is she and her son?  Did she file for divorce? Unfortunately it seems she's fleeing from abuse. All you can do is continue taking care of yourself and your physical and mental health and see if you hear from her. 

I'm sorry too.  From reading it I get the sense that there is a lot more to the story from her end and your "rudeness" likely was not just garden variety but worse- she may simply have had enough as Wiseman mentioned. Thank you for your service and I am sorry for your struggles.

[AndieA]

OF course there is a lot of information that we don't know.  We certainly cannot know what is in your wife's mind or heart.  But I do know that different women have different tolerance levels for abuse.  And if you said some rude things to her, even if you were not aware of what you were doing, she heard the words.  And that is emotional abuse.  And she may have a zero tolerance level for it.  I am sorry this happened to you, especially since you were "under the influence" of prescription meds.  That is an issue that I have no idea how to resolve, since you need the meds.  I know other women who just reach a certain point and then have had enough.  A friend of mine grew up with a father who was alcoholic and abusive.  She tolerates some emotional abuse but then it is over.  Absolutely no going back.

Thank you for your service and I hope things work out for you in the future.

 

 

[tattoobunnie]

Some people think it's okay to call their partner a stupid, fat, ugly, see you next Tuesday.  I feel her wanting to leave has been a long time coming.  She is not obligated to stay in a situation that is unsafe for her and her child.

[JMalone]

20 hours ago, JMalone said:

Ok, so my wife of a little over 2 years up and left a little over 2 weeks ago. I guess first off let me give a little background about myself so I can get a fair opinion. My first wife of 14 years passed away over 4 years ago and I took that kind of hard. As a result, I temporarily turned to drugs to ease the pain that I felt. When I met my new wife, I decided to turn over a new leaf and I wanted to quit. I tried it a couple of times and realized I needed help, so I got it and now i'm sober. I'm also a combat veteran with PTSD that I take medications for. When I detoxed, they took me off everything including my medications. When I got back home, I immediately called my doctor to make an appointment to get my medications back. An emergency came up and I had to miss that appointment. I rescheduled for about a week out and that was that.

Well, a couple of days went by, and I noticed that I was being kind of rude particularly to her son because he refused to go to school or listen to the rules. With that being said, I took it upon myself to check myself into the nearest “intensive outpatient” program that does medication management. I was truly trying to help the situation out; I was trying to do something about me by not having my medications. The doctor ended up putting me on some sort of sleep aid and I took it the first night and apparently (I don’t remember this at all) I said some rude things to her.

The next day she was gone, she didn’t come back until the next day and all she did was pack her things and left. I haven’t seen her since. Before I went, I even told her that sometimes these medications will have some not so good side effects. But I got back on my meds, and I am sober, and she’s gone. How does a woman leave a man if he’s trying? How does she leave me when I’m not everything she wanted? Wouldn’t someone want to at least see what it would be like? I’ve asked her to give me one month just to see what she thinks, she really doesn’t even answer. Honestly, I’ve had to deal with a lot of things from her side of the family and I forgave them and moved on.

Why didn’t she want to be there for me in my time of need? She just left. She won’t let me see her, she barely answers my calls, she doesn’t really text. I will say this though, she is going through menopause. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it or not. But she is a totally different person right now. Could it be an old fling back in her life? What should I do? I love her with all of my heart, she is my entire world. Please help me.

 

13 hours ago, AndieA said:

OF course there is a lot of information that we don't know.  We certainly cannot know what is in your wife's mind or heart.  But I do know that different women have different tolerance levels for abuse.  And if you said some rude things to her, even if you were not aware of what you were doing, she heard the words.  And that is emotional abuse.  And she may have a zero tolerance level for it.  I am sorry this happened to you, especially since you were "under the influence" of prescription meds.  That is an issue that I have no idea how to resolve, since you need the meds.  I know other women who just reach a certain point and then have had enough.  A friend of mine grew up with a father who was alcoholic and abusive.  She tolerates some emotional abuse but then it is over.  Absolutely no going back.

Thank you for your service and I hope things work out for you in the future.

 

 

Whoa, I did leave out a lot... you guys have this all backwards. I'll go ahead and put it all out there. My wife has gone to jail 3 times for physically abusing me... the last time she broke my nose. I didn't go to jail because I never touched her, I won't do that... I was raised way better than that. As far as her son goes, he constantly disrespects me, doesn't listen to anything anyone says, smokes pot in the house after we've told him not to 300 times, has company over minutes after we tell him not to. I'm not an abusive person at all. I don't drink because it might interfere with my PTSD and I won't take a chance on me hurting anyone else other than the terrible things I had to do in the military. 

[tattoobunnie]

On 11/4/2023 at 12:12 AM, JMalone said:

My wife has gone to jail 3 times for physically abusing me... the last time she broke my nose

Is there a reason why you aren't jumping for joy that she left?  Or, better yet, why do you think any one laying their hands on you is acceptable?