I need advice. Boyfriend got drunk with female friend

[rainbowsandroses]

On 10/27/2023 at 10:10 AM, Karina2801 said:

One night he told me he got drunk with a female friend (didn’t tell me he was going) he said he knows she likes him but he would nrve4v anything with her. The next day I found a condom in his trash (new trash bag) and it looked like there was period blood it smelled too. I saw two wrappers too, one was expired. I feel like a psycho. Previously I had seen two condom

Based on this^, it's quite obvious he cheated and apparently he wanted you to find out about it too.

I mean leaving a freshly-used condom with period blood on it (that clearly wasn't yours) in a new trash bag?   

It's obvious he wanted you to find it that's part if his sickness - causing chaos wherever he goes.  Otherwise he would have made an effort to discard it someplace where you wouldn't find it. 

Causing you to feel like a "psycho" as you stated above is also part of his sickness.  And trust me if you continue dating him, he WILL up his ante causing you to feel even crazier than you do now. 

That's what you have to look forward to when you date an addict.  

The only way this will work is if he goes into rehab NOW but even if he does, there is no guarantee he won't relapse.  

At only 2-3 months in, it's unclear why you would choose this for yourself unless you get off on chaos and drama yourself.

 

 

[SooSad33]

On 10/27/2023 at 1:10 PM, Karina2801 said:

My boyfriend has addictions. I accepted this as something I could help with and we ended up dating

You want to trust him, but you know you don't 😕 .

And, No, you cannot help or 'fix' an addict, sorry.  They just become really challenging & miserable people to live around.

Be done now, for your own sake!  Don't ruin yourself over a cheating addict.

Say, sorry but I can't do this... and say no more.

[smackie9]

People with untreated addictions will cheat, steal and lie. They are the perfect con artist. They put on the sweet innocent persona so you won't get all up in their wrong doings. They only protect/care about their addiction. 

[Ainsley7891]

I dated a guy years ago who was at the mercy of his addictions. Addicts will continue to put their additions front and centre in their priority list. I learned this the hard way, I wanted so much to help, thinking if I could be a support for him he might want to get better. But he didn't. You need to leave. He may need to hit rock bottom before he can get better. 

[Tinydance]

I'm not sure if you'll still come back to read this or if you already broke up with this guy...I think it's a bit naive to think that you can "help" someone with their addictions. Especially if the person doesn't actually want to be helped. If someone has an addiction say to alcohol then the only way they would change is if THEY wanted to change. It won't matter to them if they have positive people in their life and they probably already do have them in their life anyway. The help this person would need to get would be professional from a rehab and/or drug and alcohol counsellor. It's not your burden to be helping someone with addictions and especially if they have no interest in actually getting help.

It does sound like he cheated because if the condoms were at the top of the garbage then obviously they're new.