Should I go no contact on her?

[boltnrun]

4 hours ago, MetalAlloy said:

if I don't have any other options after moving out I might possibly contact her.

Not exactly a ringing endorsement of your strong feelings for her. Seems more like, well, I don't have any other women around so might as well settle for her. Since nothing better is around. 

[MissCanuck]

10 hours ago, MetalAlloy said:

if I don't have any other options after moving out I might possibly contact her

This is also not a good reason to get in touch with an ex. 

Surely you realize this? 

[MetalAlloy]

15 hours ago, Andrina said:

Geez, you're only 24 and you're signing yourself up for such misery. I was getting depressed just reading about what you'd like to return to. Someone being pretty should not override her abandonment issues, anxiety, and all that other stuff that makes a person a poor candidate as a partner.

And you just waiting for women to fall in your lap is not a good dating plan. I used to have a friend who did the same thing but with guys, and each one was totally subpar. I told her that she was being passive and it wasn't working for her. Being proactive and taking the reins would've been far smarter.

You will have to get used to enjoying social settings with practice, because if you just expect to have a gf without hanging out with friends like other couples and groups, and going to concerts, participating in hobbies, etc., then that gets quite boring and smothering.

I was shy but when I was single, I joined Meetup.com groups and people always spoke to me at the events and I made my own effort. I survived and so will you.

She's not pretty, everyone told me I could do better lookswise and that they didn't get what I saw in her. She's overweight has a gut, a few teeth have rotted and not very attractive in the face to most people.  But I found her physically attractive. I have a full head of hair, good face, and decent facial hair coverage. 

 

I don't care about settling as long as I'm still attracted to the person, I'll make situational problems work if possible 

[MetalAlloy]

8 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

This is also not a good reason to get in touch with an ex. 

Surely you realize this? 

As long as the problems that caused the breakup are fixed and the other party agrees, don't see what the problem is with doing so.

I'm not gonna break NC though. I've moved on 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, MetalAlloy said:

She's not pretty, everyone told me I could do better lookswise and that they didn't get what I saw in her. She's overweight has a gut, a few teeth have rotted and not very attractive in the face to most people.  But I found her physically attractive. I have a full head of hair, good face, and decent facial hair coverage. 

 

I don't care about settling as long as I'm still attracted to the person, I'll make situational problems work if possible 

Time to get new friends who are not this focused on what a woman looks like that they'd make these sort of comments.  Ick.

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, MetalAlloy said:

I'm not gonna break NC though. I've moved on

This is best. 

She's been trying to draw boundaries with you so it's wise to read between the lines and let it go. 

[MetalAlloy]

2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

This is best. 

She's been trying to draw boundaries with you so it's wise to read between the lines and let it go. 

Yeah reading in between the lines it's clear that she's fine with me initiating conversations and giving her validation and wants to keep me in her grasp without having to put in any work herself. I was being delusional at first thinking we were slowly getting back together. It would be best for someone like her to fully lose something first anyways before getting the motivation/drive for fixing her avoidant/anxious attachment issues anyways. But she is aware of them and is slowly working on it.

 

The ex she broke up with 2 years prior while she was still living with him until she met me and the sister told the ex we were talking which made her haul ass outta there with her parents and brother before he came home that night.

 

She made it clear they were done and never getting back together in the messages and by what she told me, but she acted as cordially with him as possible so he wouldn't constantly flip out on her for talking to other guys or coming home late(even though they weren't together).I'm sure as an avoidant especially the last thing she wants and fears would be me flipping out on her because I thought "we were still together or going to get back together" so it makes no sense for her to initiate with me anyways or for me to expect her to, that way she doesn't feel like she's doing anything to lead me on. 

I see how delusional I was being earlier.