Is she Interested or not Interested?

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, RN4L_1969 said:

, I consider our situation the exception. I'm not getting "ripped off", and we've had a wonderful 4 years so far...it's rare, but it's out there.

And that just proves how good she is at her job. 

[Jaunty]

3 hours ago, RN4L_1969 said:

Thank you for all the feedback. Let me make some clarifications and bring some thoughts into this.

• Ideally, I am searching for and would like to date someone that could lead to a serious relationship. Now with that being said, if I was to find and date someone, then I would not be seeing my SB at all. I did this when I was dating my gf at the time last year, (for 8mo). When I'm with someone, I'm loyal to them. But in the meantime, I don't think anything of it when I'm meeting up with my SB...as long as I'm not in a committed relationship.

Fine.  But you are not "committed relationship" material to the majority of quality women in your age range if you are engaging in a transactional sexual arrangement or general casual hooking up.  Exceptions would be women who are interested in open relationships or polyamory themselves.

Monogamous women, especially when they are old enough to know what they want, are not likely to spend any time at all on a guy who's sexually involved with someone else, whether it's "pay to play" or not, at the time they first meet.  

And please don't lie about it.

At some point you may get this out of your system.  When and if that occurs, you might be considered a reasonable prospect.  

 

[RN4L_1969]

Thanks for the responses...they are making me think...

I guess where I struggle is with how does she prevent herself from getting any sort of emotional attachment or feelings for me? I know typically guys are known to be able to separate their emotions from their feelings, but in this case I guess she can do the same...even as successful as it's been, (again my perception...but I'm just going off the last 4 years which is way more then what these types of relationships last).

But I guess what I'm hearing is that since I am a good guy with a good heart, that's what's being taken advantage of?? Everything is smoke and mirrors, but in reality it comes down to arrangements?? Could it really be that superficial? Especially with all the time we've spent together? Have we lost or watered down something as precious as 2 people in a healthy relationship to just, "it is what it is", with no substance or foundation to build off of? Mind you, I understood this in the beginning going in, but I was hoping for more over time...the hopeless romantic that I am...and yet, nothing has changed...

This is getting me depressed...I thought I was going to be with my gf from last year for good, and I was so happy, and yet it didn't work out; hence why I'm in a bout of loneliness and depression?? I don't know anymore....

Maybe your right @Jaunty, I may not be a considerable prospect; especially with 2 failed marriages, and these recent relationships we've been talking about over the course of my life...talk about someone broken; yep, that's me

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

I guess where I struggle is with how does she prevent herself from getting any sort of emotional attachment or feelings for me? I know typically guys are known to be able to separate their emotions from their feelings, but in this case I guess she can do the same...even as successful as it's been, (again my perception...but I'm just going off the last 4 years which is way more then what these types of relationships last).

You're making all sorts of strange assumptions.  You wish she had particular feelings and emotions for you -a particular sort of attachment.  Don't assume she is preventing herself -she may simply not feel it.  I don't agree with what you said about "guys".  

I agree with Jaunty.  I'm sorry you are hurting.

[boltnrun]

The whole purpose of those "Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby" websites is to conduct business. And anyone who's good at their job will have satisfied customers who want to come back and purchase the product over and over. Sure, maybe you're not buying her diamonds and lobster dinners but she still gets to go places she couldn't afford to go  otherwise and I presume you give her gifts. Why would she want to end that arrangement?

And she probably does like you just fine. Why wouldn't she like a decent, presentable man who buys her meals and gifts? What's not to like? But that's not love and it's not romance. It's a business arrangement with a happy customer. 

Maybe frame it in your mind as a mutually satisfactory business arrangement that serves a certain purpose. Don't try to turn it into a love relationship. 

[Jaunty]

23 hours ago, RN4L_1969 said:

 

But I guess what I'm hearing is that since I am a good guy with a good heart, that's what's being taken advantage of?? Everything is smoke and mirrors, but in reality it comes down to arrangements??

 Huh?  You have a transactional relationship.  She wants to earn money from it, and you want to get sex and some aspect of companionship from it.   I don't see that as "taking advantage" in a negative way.

23 hours ago, RN4L_1969 said:

 

Could it really be that superficial? Especially with all the time we've spent together?

 

23 hours ago, RN4L_1969 said:

.

Maybe your right @Jaunty, I may not be a considerable prospect; especially with 2 failed marriages, and these recent relationships we've been talking about over the course of my life...talk about someone broken; yep, that's me

Oh come on.  I didn't say anything about your character or being "broken."  I simply said that the vast (like 99%) of women who are looking for a serious intimate relationship with a man are not going to waste any time with a guy who is currently functioning as a "sugar daddy" or currently involved in any other type of regular sexual liaison.   

Again, someone who is not attached to the idea of monogamy might not mind, though a lot of progressive and sex positively minded people don't feel supportive of viewing women and sexual access to women's bodies as commercial products.  

[llg1989]

My question for you is 1.) Why are you starting off long distance if you have never met her in real life? I think it can be hard to generate a romantic relationship solely off of a phone considering you guys are already long distance and have never met. 

[llg1989]

On 10/13/2023 at 4:57 PM, boltnrun said:

Why are you purposely interacting with someone who lives so far away? 

I would imagine there must be a lot of lovely single ladies much closer who would love to meet a guy like you. Why tie yourself to electronic devices when you could be interacting in person with an attractive, smart and fun lady? Don't you want to hug, hold hands, share food, have her tap you on your leg or your shoulder, kiss, cuddle? I can't imagine typing onto a tiny screen or a laptop keyboard is more enjoyable than those things. 

I think sharing all of these moments together is so beneficial to the relationship. 

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, llg1989 said:

I think sharing all of these moments together is so beneficial to the relationship. 

And he's not getting any of that with these electronic interactions.