3 weeks after break up she wants to get back together. But she hooked up one

[blacksmith3]

It was only three months but i had real strong feelings for her and her for me. Its a very long story how we broke up but it was mostly her. But i didn't realize what i said hurt her. 

Anyways about 3 weeks later she reaches out and wanted to talk.. We talked about everything, and listened to one another...  i went over next day.. We both felt like the time we where apart made our feelings grow even more.  She apologized for what happened and explained to me why she felt like she did.. I understood.  

This morning she calls me and said she had something on her mind. Old friend on facebook saw she was single and said he always liked her. They got talking and she ended up sleeping with him and regretted it. She wanted to save that moment for me.

We werent together so it wasn't cheating. I can almost get over that but, when we met we both said we haven't been with anyone in a long time.... Lets wait, to make sure our feelings are true and because she had to wait for medical issues to clear to get in BC. The night we went to have sex she thought i wasn't into it felt rejected and stopped.

Then we had an issue the next day but between those two things she broke it off. In all honesty  it was mostly her. 

But we are trying to make things work, work on our communication. She said she was hurt but couldn't get over her feelings for me because before everything happened she could picture us being long term. I felt the same but it just bothers me she did that.

 

I truly loved her and believed she loved me and still does. But i feel like a fool for bringing her back. She handled an issue wrong, broke up with me, hooked up with a dude and realized what she missed. 

My heart says give her a chance because she has been real good to me in other was but my head says ive given her enough chances.

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, blacksmith3 said:

 i didn't realize what i said hurt her.  3 weeks later she reaches out and wanted to talk.. They got talking and she ended up sleeping with him and regretted it. 

What was the breakup about? What did you say to her and have the breakup issues resolved? How old is she? 

Is she still talking to or seeing her FB "friend"?  What were the issues surrounding the sexual problems? Have you both been tested for STDs? 

Whenever an ex reaches out, it's for their own reasons. Bored, got dumped, etc. 

On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities combined with an unhealthy attachment and lack of other opportunities. 

All you can do is proceed with caution. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Don't do it

She had a chance and left you for him. Slept with him and it didn't work out. Now she wants you back. You might have the feelings now and in the future it will always be in your head.

[blacksmith3]

22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long were you together? What was the breakup about? What did you say to her and have the breakup issues resolved?

How long were you apart? How old is she? 

Is she still talking to or seeing her FB friend?  What were the issues surrounding the sexual problems? Have you both been tested for some? 

Whenever an ex reaches out, it's for their own reasons. Bored, got dumped, etc. 

On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities combined with an unhealthy attachment and lack of other opportunities. 

All you can do is proceed with caution. 

3 months... Its a long story why we broke up .She has ptsd and suffers from trauma.. I did something that trigged it that i had no idea triggered it. She went into fight or flight mode freaked out. I said a couple things but really werent so bad but she was so freaked out it bothered her enough to break up with me. Basically she said she couldn't trust me anymore. It bothered me so i said all the times ive been there for you (which is a lot and she knows it, and i was happy to be) you cant trust me anymore after 1 thing. It set her of like i was throwing it in her face all the stuff i did.   But before that it was really all great.

And some miscommunications about sex which again are mostly her. But it left her confused. That one would take to long to explain.

Shes a great person, we had a good thing going and a real strong connection. But she clearly has some trauma and shes told me shes trying to work on how she handles

She isn't talking to him at all anymore. We where only apart 3 weeks.  But claims she feels terrible about everything and talking to the other guy and sleeping with him. 

13 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Don't do it

She had a chance and left you for him. Slept with him and it didn't work out. Now she wants you back. You might have the feelings now and in the future it will always be in your head.

I'm very tempted not to.  I've thought the same thing. What if he wanted more than sex would she of perused it longer? I'm just conflicted because she stopped us from having sex like i said and then the day after all that stuff happened. So she shut me out an broke up with me while having a P

But people do make mistakes, she messed up and knows it. I still did hurt her feelings and i listened to what she had to say.  The fact she felt guilty enough to tell me means a lot too. 

 

 

 

[smackie9]

You cared way too much for her, and she didn't really care as much, hence the her breaking up and sleeping with someone else. That's why there is an imbalance and things are not right. You can't make this work. Your feelings for her are clouding your better judgment.

[blacksmith3]

2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You cared way too much for her, and she didn't really care as much, hence the her breaking up and sleeping with someone else. That's why there is an imbalance and things are not right. You can't make this work. Your feelings for her are clouding your better judgment.

I'm trying to not lead with emotions and thinking about it first.

I've never been in a situation like this but normally I wouldn't take someone back. But I also really never cared about anyone as much as i did for her or enjoy a relationship so much. 

[lostandhurt]

Why does it have to be either or?

Why can't you date for a while and see how things go and then decide if you should try again as a couple?

 If you are not sure what to do then propose to her that you are guarded from how all this all went down and would like to just date and see how things progress.  In the end it will leave you in a way better mindset either way.

  If it works out great but if it doesn't you won't walk around wondering what could have been if you had given her another chance.  Regrets suck so use this as a reset and see what happens.  You will have to be strong and think with your head not your heart through.

 Lost

[shouldhavelearned]

For her to jump in the sack with him and then back to you, it's more than PTSD

She wanted to try him out instead of you and it didn't work out. Now she wants you again and when you say the wrong word, she will bounce.

Vicious cycle you don't deserve 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, blacksmith3 said:

 . I still did hurt her feelings and i listened to what she had to say.  The fact she felt guilty enough to tell me means a lot too.

You're incompatible and sort of toxic to each other. You could try again, but you're in a lot of denial about whatever you said to her as well as your jealousy about her being with someone else. Just because a relationship feels good when it's going well doesn't mean you're not doing damage to each other. 

[MissCanuck]

This doesn't sound like something that has the legs to last. 

Even if you did get back together, chances are very high it would eventually end the same way. 

[Kwothe28]

6 hours ago, blacksmith3 said:

She handled an issue wrong, broke up with me, hooked up with a dude and realized what she missed. 

She didnt "handled an issue wrong". She broke up with you, hooked up with another guy and then after she realized guy didnt wanted to be with her, she tried to weasel herself back at you.

That woman doesnt love you. And if you take her back she will not respect you enough and probably do it again after she finds somebody else. AKA you are her reserve and somebody with who she is out of convinience. Not a good position to be with and you should get out of there.