Gut is telling me he cheated when he “worked away”

[lottie909]

A year ago, when I was 7 weeks pregnant, my partner told me he needed to work away on the Tuesday of the following week. He’d worked away once before and didn’t think much of it. He said he had to work somewhere down south (we live up north) and would be a 4 hour drive so was best to stay down there for the night. I was already slightly suspicious that he was talking to someone else before finding out I was pregnant, as his WhatsApp activity had become more frequent, he would be on and off it constantly. I became so suspicious that I asked him to show me his phone for reassurance but it showed that the only person he had spoken to was me and nobody else so I kind of pushed this to the back of my mind, until he worked away. Everything seemed off that day and I can’t quite put my finger on it. He says he was working away with a male colleague and he messaged me detailing everything they were up to and what they were planning on having for tea etc. he says they’d ended up eating a burger at the hotel. He messaged me frequently that night and even rang me at 7pm. But come 8pm he was becoming shorter with his messages and asking if I was going to bed yet. By 9 he had hardly said much and I got a message saying he was going to bed. The next day he came home and he was acting quite uneasy. I tried to be intimate with him that night but he couldn’t perform let’s say and it felt very forced and awkward (we’ve never had any issues in that department before), but he put it down to driving so far back up home and that he was exhausted (fair enough). Something was niggling me though, so I did a bad thing and checked his work tablet and it showed that he hadn’t stayed down south he had actually stayed at a hotel near to where we live. He had not had a burger at the hotel, but had searched an Indian restraunt near to the hotel in Apple Maps. He swore it was still for work but couldn’t tell me why he lied about the location and said I was being stupid and crazy and things were all in my head when I suggested it wasn’t for work. Fast forward a year and a lot of arguments  It has come to light that it wasn’t even for work. He was working an hour away and drove back up past our home and checked into a hotel near our home. He was working on the same job the next day, so why not just stay near there instead of driving past our home and making his journey longer to work the next day? He says he needed space and time to think about the pregnancy (that was planned) but that he loved me and was happy with everything at the time. He says he had a takeaway curry but when I asked him to show me his bank statement to show me the cost he got defensive but eventually showed me.. judging by the price he either was really hungry and ate a lot to himself or ate with someone else. On his Apple Maps he had also searched a location near to his exes house but not an actual address. This location was down the road from the hotel he stayed at. He’s denying he met anyone and it was purely for space… is this beyond the realms of possibilities?

just to add on the say I messaged him on WhatsApp confronting him about lying about the location of the hotel he stayed in for “work” he started ignoring my messages but spent the whole afternoon on and off WhatsApp. When I asked him to show me his messages… nothing! 

[Batya33]

I too would be suspicious because of the lie. 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening.  How long have you been together? How old is he? Lying about hotel stays is a red flag. I hope you get to the bottom of it.

[lottie909]

@Wiseman2 3 years and he’s 36 And has a habit of lying unfortunately. Thank you. 

[boltnrun]

I realize this is an invasive question, but why did you choose to have a baby with a man who "has a habit of lying"? Did you think having a baby would make him more responsible and trustworthy?

[rainbowsandroses]

@lottie909I think he may have cheated, however I don't think it actually matters whether he cheated or not.  

What matters is the trust is gone. And the level of effort you expended -  snooping, monitoring and questioning almost as if he were your child and not a man you love and trust - this relationship is past the point of no return, imo.

I'm curious why you choose to remain with him having such a lack of trust? 

Anyway, I'm so sorry this happened, and good luck to you and your baby. 

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, lottie909 said:

He had not had a burger at the hotel, but had searched an Indian restraunt near to the hotel in Apple Maps. He swore it was still for work but couldn’t tell me why he lied about the location and said I was being stupid and crazy and things were all in my head

Busted. 

I'm sorry, OP. Your gut seems to be spot-on. 

[shouldhavelearned]

One lie leads to another