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My Theory Four Stages of a relationship


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Hey guys, I've been writing a book based on Romantic Ideas and ways to maintain healthy relationships. I came up with a few theories I'm wondering if any of you can put some input.

 

There are Four Stages of a successful Relationship

First Stage : Crush- physical attraction, two people 'like' each other.

Second Stage : Lust - Physical but somewhat emotional, in this process two people share feelings for each other

Third Stage : Falling in love - its self explanatory, the couples feel love for each other and the realtionship turns into a seriouse relationship

Fourth Stage : Unconditional love - This stage often occures after the couple has been married for a while in most cases. The Spark is gone, but you still love the person emotionally, Most of the physical attraction is gone.

 

My other theory , well what I personally believe is that there is No such thing as a couple That truly loves each other getting bored. There are ALWAYS small factors that will cause a break up or a divorce to occure. namely because the person has changed or pushed the other person away in some sort of way. Of course there will always be conflicts in any relationship, it all depends on the couple. Most couples that divorce divroce because The conflicts and changes of the person are no longer negociable thereforeeee futile to stay.

 

One of my other theories which I'll mention in this text is there are three types of people in a relationship. Those with a low self esteem, moderate self esteem, and a high self esteem. Believe it or notalmost everything will revolve around one's self evaluation, it will affect their personality traits, the way they react to certain situations, Their perspective and goals, and how other people will see them as. An example of this would be a person with a low self esteem will in most cases be shy, and seem to give up or give in more than a person who thinks highly of themselves and pretty much mistreats their partner, or plays extremely 'hard to get' due to the fact they feel they are gold and should be worked hard for.

 

 

Well thank you for your time, i hope to be hearing for your comments.

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I don't think there is anything wrong with your theories per se but I think you are trying to define such a broad circumstance way too narrowly.

 

You really will need to get out and interview a whole lot of people who have actually been through long term relationships and divorce. I think then you will find that there are lots more potential relationship "stages" and reasons behind the breakdown of long term relationships/marriages.

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The only major issue I see is your idea of unconditional love.

 

I truly believe that can ONLY exsist on the part of a parent for a child. I know, without a doubt in my heart, that I will always love my children, no matter what they do, and I mean no matter what. It could mean hating their actions but the love for them will always be there.

 

I don't think the same can be said for an adult relationship because there are always conditions, ie. not commiting adultery, not being abusive, etc...

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Sounds like you're off to a good start, although I do believe more research might be necessary.

 

I'd also have to agree that there are many more "stages" inbetween, and that nothing is black and white. For example...."unconditional love" is there such a thing between couples....what if your partner cheated on you, or did some other act that is unacceptable. That is certainly a condition that should be looked at.

 

And as a side note, I don't believe that most of your physical attraction leaves.

 

But keep up the research and theories at any rate, sounds like you have alot of them!

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understand that but reasons for break ups are based on conflicts. if there was no conflict, they wouldnt be breaking up now would they

 

Yes there are lots of marriages/long term relationships that break down where no conflict is involved. People growing apart does not necessarily involve conflict.

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i have to agree with richgabe.... divorce can certainly occur, not because of conflict, but because of a distancing... i suppose that distance could stem from some sort of conflict, but i think that perhaps there is a oversimplifying of complexity and yet a complexity of simplicity

hmmm deep thoughts

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I think you are trying to rationalize emotions , love and relationship ... task which is way more complex than the approach that you are actually using.

 

One thing is certain for sure, human behavior specially love is irrational. If there was any logic or classification in love and us human are logical then there cannot be problem because us logical will do the logic and sound thing when it comes to relationship so there can not be problems to begin with.

 

one example to prove that it's not ruled by logic : women who get beat up by husbands but still stays with their husbands .. irrational behaviour but still existant.

 

I think one better approach will be to survey the field , get as much data (proof) and see if there is any correlance between two facts, trends, age.

 

as I doubt a 18 yr relationship function the same way for someone who is 70.

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yeah but im saying over all, how they react to diff conflicts, their overall views and morals is a Whole different story.

and maybe the lust still stays, like i said , it depends on the person, but over all i feel my four stages are correct. a successful couple ( not every couple is) most of them over all will feel that for each other, maybe some couples skip a few and some don't. Thats their business,

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Karma explains that..

 

If you love, let it go, if it doesn't come back, it wasn't meant to be.

 

No offense, but I've never taken a liking to that quote. I Don't believe it. Read ALL my other posts where people say that. If someone loved you they wouldn't have ever left... If it was TRUE unconditional love. The only way love is proven by this is if you let someone go because THEY want to leave. And in that case, the leaver isn't in love, so in my opinion... The love has been broken and who wants someone back after they realize they weren't truly in love? That's my opinion from my experiences. But everyone has their own theories and ideals. I just don't sugarcoat love, I suppose. Maybe I'm too much of a realist...

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Karma explains that..

 

If you love, let it go, if it doesn't come back, it wasn't meant to be.

 

The only way love is proven by this is if you let someone go because THEY want to leave. And in that case, the leaver isn't in love

 

i have to agree with this response.... when my husband told me he wanted to leave, and i said that i loved him too much to believe that it could actually be over, he said if i really loved him, i'd let him go... can't necessarily say that the karma thing here works... was just an easy way to manipulate me to think that by not putting up a "fight" i was showing just how much i loved... but really wasn't he just showing me how much he didn't? he lets go (leaves) - love comes back to him (i still love him and want to try to work things out) - yet it's not meant to be (he leaves anyway)? doesn't seem to fit right...

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