Could she still come back?

[DaveyBoy]

Me and my ex split last year but up until May we couldn't leave each other alone. One of us would always break contact and we'd message and meet up and we slept with each other repeatedly during this time. 

We were on again off again due to me having some issues with the relationship that weren't being resolved, these are mentioned in a post I did from last year.

I always thought we would work it out somehow, and during the on/off mess I never went looking for anyone else or wanted anyone else I just knew we had some stuff to deal with separately.

She always said how much she loved me and I told her the same, I last saw her in May where I went get some stuff, we laughed cried and slept together again. She messaged me a couple of days later saying she loved me, didn't want move on, didn't want date and would always be settling on anyone else and would never find a connection like ours. I said I felt the same but I still needed sort my head out about our issues. 

I tried reaching out 3 weeks later see if we could talk and maybe start moving forward, she told me she had recently met someone and she owed it to herself and him to see where it goes.

They went Facebook official a few weeks later. The guy looks like me and even works where I work (large company so our paths would never cross).

Needless to say I'm gutted, I am not the victim in all this as I know I handled some things wrong, but I don't understand the quick turnaround she has had and how she wants to be with someelse so soon after everything she said to me.

I keep hoping it's maybe a rebound and if I let it play out she might reach out down the line, but then again it might not be.

I still love her and want her back but I don't know what do at the moment, she has blocked me so I can't message and I think turning up at her door would not be the rom com style gesture I imagine.

I know I should let her go and move on but I'm struggling at the moment and keep thinking she will remember how she felt for me and remember what she said to me.

Is there any hope for the future or am I just kidding myself? And what can I do to make her remember how she felt about me?

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, DaveyBoy said:

 what can I do to make her remember how she felt about me?

Sorry this is happening. Breakups hurt but you need to let go. You're just lonely and despondent right now.

Please stop scanning her social media. You broke up because there were multiple chronic unresolved incompatibilities and conflicts. She didn't suddenly move on because it was on/off and falling apart for quite a while. Is this the same woman?:

 

[DaveyBoy]

Hi, yeah it’s the same woman, I know we had issues I just worry I didn’t do enough to help resolve them. I know part of this being lonely but I do love and miss her, just thought we’d sort it I guess.

[shouldhavelearned]

Probably not a high chance and you know she has been with someone else. 

Could you really live with that ?

 

She blocked you, move on

[MissCanuck]

9 hours ago, DaveyBoy said:

I think turning up at her door would not be the rom com style gesture I imagine.

No, definitely don't do this. All that would do is tell her that you don't respect her choice to end it definitively. 

It's time to let go. All the flowery things she said a few weeks ago were clearly not very sincere. On-off relationships rarely get "sorted." They simply continue in their dysfunction until one person meets someone else and exits stage left - she just happened to get there first. 

It's for the best that this is over completely. If you two couldn't figure things out by now, it was never going to work. 

EDIT: I went back and read your other thread. This is the same woman who is letting her parents raise her child. You still haven't grasped what a bullet you have dodged her, but this woman is no prize. 

[DaveyBoy]

I know it's probably for the best it's done now, I guess I just let myself shoulder the blame for the relationship ending. I went to see her just after I found out she was seeing someone and she put it all on me saying I never held her hand enough and made her feel like a horrible person for wanting answers about her kid.

Just hurts that she went from not wanting be without me to fully invested in someone else. I'm not condoning some of my actions in all this but the thought of being with someone else still turns my stomach. Suppose I'm struggling with how she thought we were soulmates to having a connection with the first bloke she starts to date. 

I'm trying move on, been on a couple of dates but I compare them to her at the moment, suppose it will get better with time. I need fight the urge go around see her though as I know it will only make things worse.

[shouldhavelearned]

She lashed out to make herself feel better and you feel bad

In time you won't remember her on your dates

Will you remember and think of her, yes....just not so much when you have someone else to make you happy and think of 

[DaveyBoy]

I know she was lashing out, maybe so I'm the bad guy in all this and not her, although I do accept I handled some things badly and would have done things different.

I'm just constantly beating myself up at the moment and fooling myself that she will reach out even though I know we shouldn't get back together even if she did. And I keep torturing myself thinking of her with the new guy but I know that will get easier with time.

[MrMan1983]

On 7/23/2023 at 5:32 PM, DaveyBoy said:

Suppose I'm struggling with how she thought we were soulmates to having a connection with the first bloke she starts to date.

It always sucks when someone you had strong feelings for meets someone else, you start to doubt your decisions and think was I right to end this however don't get fooled by those blinkers as you ended it for a reason.

With regards to her thinking you were soulmates unfortunately people care more about how they feel right now in the moment than how they used to feel. In the longer term even though it's hard to see now due to emotions/hurt you'll likely be thankful that it wasn't meant to be and you'll grow as a person having gone through it and come out the other end.

I suggest feeling what you feel, then once you're well enough then try and look forward with getting mentally healthy again, physically healthy (comes hand in hand), work on hobbies, and get busy with your guy mates. Eventually when you feel ready you can get back on that dating wagon.

[SooSad33]

On 7/22/2023 at 5:12 PM, DaveyBoy said:

Needless to say I'm gutted, I am not the victim in all this as I know I handled some things wrong, but I don't understand the quick turnaround she has had and how she wants to be with someelse so soon after everything she said to me.

I feel she used you to get over you .. yah, it hurts 😕 .

But, sometimes, people do crappy things to serve their own selves & ego's.

What's done now is done. ( not sure how long you 2 were together?), but if she's moved on now, you respectfully back off & expect nothing more.

Off again/ on again relationships are messy anyways & mess with your head 😕 .  None of that was fair on you, no.  I had an ex act this way with me, and he was overlapping ( still hanging with me, and with someone new, same time).  Awful thing to do to someone, who does have feelings for you- but like I said, used me to get over me.. Is like a 'slow release'.

And yes, he said he 'loved me' etc... I came to learn it meant nothing.  He got caught in the end with his lies & I gave up on him!  To work on accepting & healing.  Is when I joined this site & began focusing on myself etc.

So, say no more & expect no more.  Even if it was the supposed 'rebound', the damage is done.

Respect yourself and work on your accepting & healing now. - You two are done.  TC

[shouldhavelearned]

Work on yourself for the future

 

Learn from this

[smackie9]

She's moved on and so should you. Being stuck on her is giving you missed opportunity to be with someone else. Time is a wasting. Let it all go, move forward. 

[DaveyBoy]

Thanks for all the replies, I do appreciate it and I know I need to accept it’s over and whether or not I could have done things differently or wish I had done things differently, I can’t change what happened. 
 

I’m just hurt and sad at how 7 years with her ended how it did, but there were issues there especially around kids and her daughter. If she is happy with this new bloke then I know I need let her get on with it, maybe she will be more open with him or what bothered me won’t bother him, I’ll try and be happy for her rather than holding on to all the negative stuff. 
 

thanks again for all the advice 

[shouldhavelearned]

Don't worry about her or her happiness

 

Focus on your happiness