DaveyBoy

Thanks for all the replies, I do appreciate it and I know I need to accept it’s over and whether or not I could have done things differently or wish I had done things differently, I can’t change what happened. I’m just hurt and sad at how 7 years with her ended how it did, but there were issues there especially around kids and her daughter. If she is happy with this new bloke then I know I need let her get on with it, maybe she will be more open with him or what bothered me won’t bother him, I’ll try and be happy for her rather than holding on to all the negative stuff. thanks again for all the advice

I know she was lashing out, maybe so I'm the bad guy in all this and not her, although I do accept I handled some things badly and would have done things different. I'm just constantly beating myself up at the moment and fooling myself that she will reach out even though I know we shouldn't get back together even if she did. And I keep torturing myself thinking of her with the new guy but I know that will get easier with time.

I know it's probably for the best it's done now, I guess I just let myself shoulder the blame for the relationship ending. I went to see her just after I found out she was seeing someone and she put it all on me saying I never held her hand enough and made her feel like a horrible person for wanting answers about her kid. Just hurts that she went from not wanting be without me to fully invested in someone else. I'm not condoning some of my actions in all this but the thought of being with someone else still turns my stomach. Suppose I'm struggling with how she thought we were soulmates to having a connection with the first bloke she starts to date. I'm trying move on, been on a couple of dates but I compare them to her at the moment, suppose it will get better with time. I need fight the urge go around see her though as I know it will only make things worse.

Hi, yeah it’s the same woman, I know we had issues I just worry I didn’t do enough to help resolve them. I know part of this being lonely but I do love and miss her, just thought we’d sort it I guess.

Me and my ex split last year but up until May we couldn't leave each other alone. One of us would always break contact and we'd message and meet up and we slept with each other repeatedly during this time. We were on again off again due to me having some issues with the relationship that weren't being resolved, these are mentioned in a post I did from last year. I always thought we would work it out somehow, and during the on/off mess I never went looking for anyone else or wanted anyone else I just knew we had some stuff to deal with separately. She always said how much she loved me and I told her the same, I last saw her in May where I went get some stuff, we laughed cried and slept together again. She messaged me a couple of days later saying she loved me, didn't want move on, didn't want date and would always be settling on anyone else and would never find a connection like ours. I said I felt the same but I still needed sort my head out about our issues. I tried reaching out 3 weeks later see if we could talk and maybe start moving forward, she told me she had recently met someone and she owed it to herself and him to see where it goes. They went Facebook official a few weeks later. The guy looks like me and even works where I work (large company so our paths would never cross). Needless to say I'm gutted, I am not the victim in all this as I know I handled some things wrong, but I don't understand the quick turnaround she has had and how she wants to be with someelse so soon after everything she said to me. I keep hoping it's maybe a rebound and if I let it play out she might reach out down the line, but then again it might not be. I still love her and want her back but I don't know what do at the moment, she has blocked me so I can't message and I think turning up at her door would not be the rom com style gesture I imagine. I know I should let her go and move on but I'm struggling at the moment and keep thinking she will remember how she felt for me and remember what she said to me. Is there any hope for the future or am I just kidding myself? And what can I do to make her remember how she felt about me?

Thanks for the replies. I think we both struggled with communication, I tried to get her to open up about her relationship with her child, and she did a little at times but I knew it upset her and she closed off, maybe I should have tried harder to get her open up about it. I never judged her for not raising her child just didn’t fully understand the circumstances or lack of relationship over the years. We took her child out together on occasion a couple of years after we got together to the cinema etc, but this fizzled out as she got older. I think her parents made it difficult and she resigned herself to this being how it is, we went on family holidays with her and see her at family meals, but I guess I never understood why they weren’t closer. There are no insidious reasons for her not raising her as far as I know, I think she was struggling on her own, had some ***head boyfriends (which may now include me), and her parents stepped in. We are both at fault for some things and maybe it is best that we are apart, it’s just tough because when we were great we were really great, she is not a terrible person which the way I have worded this thread, it may sound, I just don’t think she’s ever dealt with some stuff and allowed anyone in to change that, but I can be like a closed book too. Im having therapy to help deal with my issues and hopefully I can get to a healthier, less anxious place and start thinking with a bit more clarity.

Some of the issues were me just not communicating about little annoyances that snowballed into bigger resentment I guess (like always being on her phone, never tidying up after herself), but I should have not bottled everything up. There were money issues that needed talking about (debt she was cagey about but said she was handling she earns good money). She had a child when she was younger who lives with her parents, she didn’t open up much about why and never seemed to want to improve that relationship (the father bailed before the child was born). I have always wanted kids and although she said she wanted one too the relationship she has with her child made me think she didn’t. In hindsight i think I put too much on her and should have accepted things more or done a better job of communicating my worries. I made the decision to find fault and not trust what she told me I guess.

Hi, A couple of months ago I had some major relationship doubts which resulted in me leaving my girlfriend of 7 years (we were even engaged). I raised the issues I had and my girlfriend wanted to work through them and try and work on things, I said we would try but literally gave it 2 weeks before bailing. At the time I took the way I felt as a gut feeling and that the relationship wasn’t right and I was doing the best thing by ending it. Since I left we had a on again off again few weeks where I could 100% convince myself I wanted to go back but when I did started getting anxiety symptoms like not sleeping, knotted stomach, sweating so took this as another sign to leave, but then when I was apart from her I had the same anxiety about not being with her. The on again off again was no good for us both and I’m not proud of how I acted during that time as I didn’t see how me reacting to my emotions was damaging her. As it stands we are off, but we still message each other now and again. My head is in the shed at the moment as I think I focused too much on our problems and failed to appreciate what I did have, we did have things we would need to resolve and agree on but we got on really well, made each other laugh, enjoyed similar things, supported each other, sex life was great and she would do anything for us and the relationship. I miss her and love her but I’m so scared of going back and hurting her and think what has happened is down to my own insecurities, fears and doubts and I have let them ruin a good relationship. I’ve been reading about relationship anxiety and self sabotage and a lot of rings true. Just wondered if any others had similar stories or insights around this, if not that this was a good place to vent :)