Long distance relationship.... someone can help me?

[saya22900]

Hi! I assume that we have been in touch for 6 months, he lives in Asia and it is difficult to see each other. I state that he is a boy who works part time and never goes out with friends, I am 22 and he is 30. I am his first girlfriend. Lately I think the relationship is not like months ago anymore, something changed. We had arguments these last days...for example, that he follow 99% of all cute or sexy Asian girls on instagram...he told me he didn't think this would hurt me...when I told him, he started removing them all! he says he doesn't know how these things work in relationships because he has no experience. Then the other day he sent me a video of a hot girl dancing sexy... and he said he'd like it if I did the same. I got mad.. and he only knew how to say sorry and he wouldn't do it again, but he actually sent something like that already months ago and he knows I'm an insecure girl. He and I have different tastes, different characters.. I think it's sad that he said his favorite topic is sex... (he's a virgin) and I'm always the one who invents various topics because i like a lot of things.. for him is not the same.. otherwise he doesn't know what to talk about.. when I send him pictures of my dog for example, he says "I don't want him, I want you"... among other things, he works part time 5 hours a day, he only goes out for work.. the rest of the day he stays at home and then goes to sleep early.. and lately we only talk 1h or 2h a day..... this situation for me is perhaps collapsing, I no longer feel the same feelings. what do you think of all this, and what should i do?

[MissCanuck]

Have you ever met this guy in real life? 

[saya22900]

@MissCanucknot yet, we have to this winter......idk what to do or what to think.. is a normal situation for u?

[MissCanuck]

No, this is not normal. 

It's not normal or healthy to commit yourself to an online stranger, which is the biggest problem. Please remember that you don't truly know him. 

I would cease all communication, and work instead on developing friendships and dating in offline.  

[saya22900]

@MissCanuckoh yes, in real life i have friends.. i am social, just start to had problem of anxiety and sadness since my father died in 2019... but despite all this, always social with everybody... but in january i started to try this world, he first wrote to me.. but i dont know nothing anymore because he told me and continue to tell me he love me... but he noticed lately i dont say to him "i love you" anymore... so he doing the same.... we look like more friends than others...lol what i have to do?

[saya22900]

@MissCanuckis right that i get mad about that things?

[MissCanuck]

2 minutes ago, saya22900 said:

just start to had problem of anxiety and sadness since my father died in 2019.

I am sorry to hear this. I hope you are getting the support you need. 

2 minutes ago, saya22900 said:

in january i started to try this world

And that's fine, but it's pointless when you can't meet the man in person quickly. The point is to meet people online who you can then go out with in real life - not to try to have cyber relationships. 

3 minutes ago, saya22900 said:

what i have to do?

End contact. It's not a real relationship and isn't healthy for you. 

[saya22900]

@MissCanuckyes... i think that.. i wrote to him before in fact, that we are not like months ago anymore... i start like that, he is sleeping now so i will know later. then i talked to him about tattoos.. i have one, and he told me he dont like if i do anothers, because he said big and more tattoos is for bad people.... what a bull****.. but then he said that if I want I can.... sometimes he's incoherent.

[saya22900]

@MissCanuckwe always heard each other on call, video call...
ah! time ago for fun i said to him i wanted to meet a korean actor, is normal because is a celebrity so why not... and he told me seriously "why u want to meet other man??" 
at same time he followed a lot of girls, and they're not celebrities.....ahhaha for him all resolved saying "sorry"...

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, saya22900 said:

@MissCanuckis right that i get mad about that things?

Not really, again because this is purely a cyber thing and not real dating. Don't waste your emotions and energy on some random internet guy. 

[saya22900]

@MissCanuckyes well.. true... just i didn't understand his behavior....and he said he doesn't know what i like because i'm difficult...he says he's joking when he says that but i think he really means it. I think also because he never had a girlfriend in real too..

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, saya22900 said:

@MissCanuckyes well.. true... just i didn't understand his behavior....and he said he doesn't know what i like because i'm difficult...he says he's joking when he says that but i think he really means it. I think also because he never had a girlfriend in real too..

And he doesn't have a girlfriend now in you -you two are strangers, chat buddies who talk about sex among other things.  And he insults you.  Please end contact.

[Andrina]

At your age, you should be meeting loads of single guys your age locally. If you're not, join clubs. Join a co-ed sports group. Ask friends if they know any nice guys who you could meet in a group activity. LDRs are the hardest types of "dating" if you can even call it that. If you're sad and anxious, work on your mental state first before even considering dating, otherwise you'll attract predators like the bozo you're talking to. Take care.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, saya22900 said:

just i didn't understand his behavior.

Of course not. You don't really know this person. You can't understand a person when you don't actualy know them. And no, messaging and video calls are nowhere near enough to know someone's real character. 

Why are you not out there dating men in your area? Why did you choose this non-relationship for yourself?