Confusing Finances

[So So]

My boyfriend of 2 years owns his own home, his ex girlfriend/mother of his kids has her name still on the house, despite them being separated for 4 years) he pays the mortgage and bills

He has lived with me for the past year, including his children staying at weekends while his house sits empty. We share the groceries equally but he makes no contribution towards bills. I have asked him for a weekly contribution, to which he says yes, but nothing has yet been paid. This has been going on for 2 months now. 
 

After some advice on the finances or thoughts on the relationship please….

[Batya33]

I think you need backbone advice not financial.  Simply say thanks so much for agreeing to contribute to weekly expenses.  Here's your share in $$ -do you prefer to venmo or some other way? Phrase it as a given . If he doesn't pay by your deadline simply say I'd love to see you this weekend -I have enough food for myself and little else because I didn't yet receive your contribution.  How do you want to handle this -you can pay me or buy your own groceries.  And say no to his kids staying overnight - can the mom keep them overnight?  How far apart do you live from his house?

[smackie9]

He's been sponging off you for a year? Not divorced yet? Not renting his house out for extra income? Oh girl something is not right with this. It's two years now, ..... it's time for a serious talk about everything before you sink lower and can't get out. 

[Batya33]

21 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

He's been sponging off you for a year? Not divorced yet? Not renting his house out for extra income? Oh girl something is not right with this. It's two years now, ..... it's time for a serious talk about everything before you sink lower and can't get out. 

Looks like he was never married to the mother of his kids.  I totally agree with you!

[smackie9]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Looks like he was never married to the mother of his kids.  I totally agree with you!

I'm looking at it as a Canadian. Common-law is the same as being married. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

I'm looking at it as a Canadian. Common-law is the same as being married. 

Oh here it depends on the state. Often also on years together.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, So So said:

 he pays the mortgage and bills

He has lived with me for the past year, including his children staying at weekends while his house sits empty. 

Please ask him to move out. Why is his house sitting empty? 

[smackie9]

Wherever you are, it would be a good idea to check your local laws about living common-law. I'm guessing he has and maybe why he's only partially contributes. In some areas, if you share finances and support each other and a household, you are considered common-law. That could mean you both are entitled to each other's assets. 

[Cherylyn]

He's a freeloader and taking advantage of you,  "Miss Money Bag$."   If he refuses to contribute financially towards groceries and bills,  you need to dump him.

[So So]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please ask him to move out. Why is his house sitting empty? 

He has never “officially” moved in with me. He has tried to negotiate a settlement with the ex regarding the house but it is a slow and drawn out process that is lacking in communication between the two of them. Hence why it hasn’t been resolved. He can’t do anything with the house while her name is still on it 

[So So]

10 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I think you need backbone advice not financial.  Simply say thanks so much for agreeing to contribute to weekly expenses.  Here's your share in $$ -do you prefer to venmo or some other way? Phrase it as a given . If he doesn't pay by your deadline simply say I'd love to see you this weekend -I have enough food for myself and little else because I didn't yet receive your contribution.  How do you want to handle this -you can pay me or buy your own groceries.  And say no to his kids staying overnight - can the mom keep them overnight?  How far apart do you live from his house?

He has an arrangement to see the kids 1 night one weekend and 2 the next. They are half an hour away from him. He transferred me money each week for groceries (however much I tell him is half) but nothing for the bills so far.

[itsallgrand]

8 minutes ago, So So said:

He has an arrangement to see the kids 1 night one weekend and 2 the next. They are half an hour away from him. He transferred me money each week for groceries (however much I tell him is half) but nothing for the bills so far.

Why so little time with his kids? 

[Starlight925]

There's nothing "confusing" about it.

He's using you, and you're letting him.

Stop.

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, So So said:

He has never “officially” moved in with me. . He can’t do anything with the house while her name is still on it 

Keep in mind, you're not a homeless shelter. He seems to be using you as a free place to camp out. Please ask him to move out. It's his and his ex's problem to resolve.

He can camp out with friends, family, a BNB, but you're allowing this distress by letting him stay there. You should not be his unpaid maid, babysitter or landlord. There's no future in this for you.

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, So So said:

He has never “officially” moved in with me. 

This is great news. That means his official residence is where he pays mortgage. That means you can pack up his stuff, leave it on the porch and change the locks with no legal consequences because he's technically just a houseguest.