Was I "rude" or "nasty" or "looking for a fight"?

[Cherylyn]

5 hours ago, layla6 said:

This man is in his 50s! He doesn't live with his mother, they are close, and she and I get along very well. He said his mother always tells him if he has done something wrong. But he would had a fit if I let a friend or family member read private texts. And this forum is the first time I have shared texts with anyone, as I seek unbiased feedback.

He sounds like a 'Mama's Boy' and hasn't cut the apron strings and umbilical cord yet.  He is very unstable and unhinged.  He's not worth it as a man in your life.  I'd dump him if I were you.  Your patience or lack thereof will determine if you'll last with him.  Gaslighters should be dumped immediately.  They play the gaslighting game repetitively and viciously.  ☹️   I know all too well,  unfortunately.

[Jibralta]

11 hours ago, layla6 said:

I can see your point that my answers were short, because I was busy and I thought he knew I was busy, but I could have worded things better.

You mentioned that he has routinely jumped to incorrect conclusions and accusations over the four years that you've been together. Knowing this about him, why would you expect him to correctly conclude that you might be busy? Wouldn't it make more sense to be prepared for him to make the same insecure mistake and nip the whole thing in the bud by saying something reassuring? 

You also mentioned that you share a lot in common. I think you my share more in common than you realize: You both have this hard line that you set up for each other in terms of expectations. He thinks you should think and behave a certain way, you think he should think and behave a certain way. Neither of you seems willing to take any steps to meet the other halfway. It's as if you're each standing on a steep mountaintop and there is no middle ground. Another way in which you behave similarly is by introducing a third party to take sides. He recruited his mother, you recruited this forum. 

All of this tug-of-war is causing you to lose sight of the most important thing, which is that you have a really good time together. Isn't that worth climbing down off of the mountaintop?

[Tinydance]

I think if the relationship keeps being on and off for a few years, it's probably a sign you're actually incompatible. I don't think that just having things in common necessarily means you're meant to be together.

Just from reading about this particular situation, he sounds too touchy and immature. He spoke to you quite rudely and then went behind your back and cancelled the whole trip. I think this is ridiculous. 

Also he wanted to do activities which you weren't enthusiastic about and that's fine. If you've never done kayaking and weren't that interested, what's actually wrong with that? Why do you HAVE to do things you don't want to do? Why do you have to act enthusiastic about an activity you're not into? Wouldn't that be fake to do that?

This behaviour is really immature for a man in his 50's. Especially getting his mother involved. This wasn't a big deal and he blew it completely out of proportion.