Help me see clearer about the last one...

[ElizabethI]

This guy is a con. Sorry but i feel it in my bone. Please move on and all the best!

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Type O Negative said:

Sindy does. That's why she's posting about it. Smh.

taken completely out of context

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

yes, clearly... you are right. 

 

In fact yes because I usually get bored pretty fast... Also have to mention that except once, I never have been left by a guy. Was always me breaking up because I was beginning to get bored and started to dislike to many things about them. Usually it happens like a sudden twist after one year or so, from one day to another, its dead. and It's scary...  

Would that be the case if I found the right one? Maybe it was just a sign of me never really finding my mister right? I don't know... 

What do you mean exactly? 

What I mean is you might tell yourself you are “intimate “ with these men - that you are trying to form a relationship when in reality you use intercourse as a way of avoiding intimacy- it’s part of the thrill of the chase not really part of getting to know the person in a meaningful way. 
I love all the insight and wisdom you’ve shared on this thread!

[Sindy_0311]

9 hours ago, Batya33 said:

What I mean is you might tell yourself you are “intimate “ with these men - that you are trying to form a relationship when in reality you use intercourse as a way of avoiding intimacy- it’s part of the thrill of the chase not really part of getting to know the person in a meaningful way. 
I love all the insight and wisdom you’ve shared on this thread!

Yes, I agree. I get intimate soon to avoid real intimacy. Or also a way to make sure they don’t get bored. It’s easier to have someone leave because sex came to soon rather because he didn’t like my personality/me enough to spend more time with me… it’s all part of this disfunction… 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Yes, I agree. I get intimate soon to avoid real intimacy. Or also a way to make sure they don’t get bored. It’s easier to have someone leave because sex came to soon rather because he didn’t like my personality/me enough to spend more time with me… it’s all part of this disfunction… 

I love your insights as mentioned. I’m glad you’re working through this in the way you are. 

[Sindy_0311]

Hi, Just wanted to make a little update because I need some advice on how to manage my new dating situation. 

I met a guy on Sunday, 10 days ago (OLD app). We had a drink at a bar, talking a lot, It was all ok. We seem to have same interests, same energy, but it was all very friendly… No kiss, no flirt… then I stayed with the kid one week, we have been exchanging some texts but not daily. We saw each other again this Monday to have diner at a restaurant in my neighborhood. Again, much of talk, laughs and time passed very fast… at 11pm they would close the restaurant, so we left. He asked if he could drive me home, I said no its ok I live just over there. And he proposed to walk me home. When we arrived, I asked him whether he wanted to have a coffee. He agreed.

We talked little bit more and then, before he left, we hugged and kissed intensely. When he left, he said we will see each other very soon again and gave me a kiss on my forehead. Yesterday he had a concert and on Thursday he’s going to an event with his friends. Now my question is why didn’t he ask me out for the weekend yet? 

Last Sunday, we were texting and he asked whether I will have the kid this week, I said no and I asked if he wanted us to meet again. To what he replied very enthusiastically. I chose the restaurant and made the reservation for Monday and he said he really appreciated me to organize it. 

He seems an extroverted guy, many friends etc, he has been overweighted for many years, and still have a bit of extra weight, which bothers him to what I understood. he is gentle and funny and always very enthusiastic but seems shy when it comes to make a move. He also has this shy laugher when he is embarrased… His last serious relationship ended 3 years ago, and he told me he got almost no matches on OLD apps for 3 years (I know these are just words… ) 

The thing is he is always very enthusiastic when we talk or text. (I try to keep texting short though)

He sometimes says he’s taking note of the things I say, to remember about them. And remembers details of our conversations. Somehow, I know that if I ask him out for this weekend he will agree (I’m almost 100% positive about it as he told me he was free) but I don’t want to do it… Also there is another guy who already asked me out for Saturday (but I’m not that interested in this one). Problem is after this weekend I won’t be able to date for two weeks because I will be with the kid all the time. Should I mention this to him? Or should I just WAIT and be PATIENT. lol

[Sindy_0311]

One more thing, when we tried to make plans for this week he told by text: 

"I have a concert on Tuesday and a event on Thursda, but I'm free on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday, or even each of these days... "

[Batya33]

I think you've done enough effort and the ball is in his court. My sense is he is busy socially and likely meeting/dating others whether through the app or otherwise.  In my mind I always treated each date as the last unless there was another time/place one planned so that it was easier to "move on" and if the person called again at that point in time I'd see what was going on -until then he was off my radar (and I didn't email/call with very rare exception if we didn't have another date planned).  

Also since he kissed you so intensely I don't think he sounds shy or passive overall- if he wants to see you again let him make the plan IMO.  I'm sorry you're a bit frustrated/stressed -dating can be annoying!!

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

"I have a concert on Tuesday and a event on Thursda, but I'm free on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday, or even each of these days... "

If you would like to see him again pick one of the days he says he's free and suggest getting together. 

He may not want to come on too strong but he does seem quite interested.

[Sindy_0311]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you would like to see him again pick one of the days he says he's free and suggest getting together. 

I already picked Monday, we went to the restaurant. now my question is about the coming weekend… 

[Kwothe28]

6 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Now my question is why didn’t he ask me out for the weekend yet? 

Does he wants to ask you out? Meaning that he explicitly said that he wants that? Or just that he would be free on weekend?

He is not shy if he asked to chaperone you home and kissed you. He can make a plan and ask you out. He just wont from some reason.

[Sindy_0311]

7 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Does he wants to ask you out? Meaning that he explicitly said that he wants that? 

No 

7 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Or just that he would be free on weekend?

Yes. He said that on Sunday. But we already had a date on Monday… 

i guess I will just wait. See if he asks me out. And if not, no big deal 😊

[Sindy_0311]

Well, he asked when we will see each other again, asked when I was available and offered three options/activities to do on Saturday evening between restaurants and music festival. 

Also had a little text exchange with him this morning. It was somehow flirty from his part and at one point I confessed that I was willing to take my time with becoming intimate. He then said he was willing too. At least, now he knows that he will have to be patient and make some efforts... 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Well, he asked when we will see each other again, asked when I was available and offered three options/activities to do on Saturday evening between restaurants and music festival. 

Also had a little text exchange with him this morning. It was somehow flirty from his part and at one point I confessed that I was willing to take my time with becoming intimate. He then said he was willing too. At least, now he knows that he will have to be patient and make some efforts... 

Why would that take patience? If he wants to get to know  you overall then assume he is not exhibiting patience or effort -he is doing what he feels like doing -enjoying getting to know you.  Baffling as to why someone gets "credit" for not having intercourse until both people are comfortable -that's just a given.  Planning dates and putting in effort to get together -also not extra credit -a given, the basics.  

[Sindy_0311]

39 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Why would that take patience? If he wants to get to know  you overall then assume he is not exhibiting patience or effort -he is doing what he feels like doing -enjoying getting to know you.  Baffling as to why someone gets "credit" for not having intercourse until both people are comfortable -that's just a given.  Planning dates and putting in effort to get together -also not extra credit -a given, the basics.  

You are completely right. I just have met so many hungry men lately that the one showing basic pace is just surprising me a bit… 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Well, he asked when we will see each other again, asked when I was available and offered three options/activities to do on Saturday evening between restaurants and music festival. 

.I confessed that I was willing to take my time with becoming intimate. 

That's great, go and enjoy the date. Try not to have relationship talks too soon. Nothing you don't want to happen is going to happen, so you really don't have to announce this. Actions speak louder than words so all you need to do is pace yourself 

[Sindy_0311]

31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's great, go and enjoy the date. Try not to have relationship talks too soon. Nothing you don't want to happen is going to happen, so you really don't have to announce this. Actions speak louder than words so all you need to do is pace yourself 

Ok. But the conversation through text lead to that question about pace. That’s why i said I was usually taking my time to become intimate (which is not true BTW LOL) he said that he is willing to do the same and mentioned his 3 sisters who experienced a lot of players/time-wasters etc…  I then cut that conversation by sending a funny foto as I don’t want to talk these things so soon. And even less through text. I don’t text him much, but he always reaches out with photos and tonight a video of the party he is attending making comments about this and that… and I just reply quick wishing him a good time but then he sends another and another… idk 

[Sindy_0311]

I didn’t reply/opened his last 2 texts and now he sent me 2 more photos of the party… what the heck am I supposed to do?? 

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I didn’t reply/opened his last 2 texts and now he sent me 2 more photos of the party… what the heck am I supposed to do?? 

 Are they annoying? Every few of texts, send a silly emoji. Because this is sort of inconsequential communication anyway. This way you're not ignoring him, but you're not wasting time on well thought out replies for this type of thing.

[Sindy_0311]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Are they annoying? Every few of texts, send a silly emoji. Because this is sort of inconsequential communication anyway. This way you're not ignoring him, but you're not wasting time on well thought out replies for this type of thing.

Not really annoying, very funny in fact. but I don’t feel like to answer each time. but neither want to ignore. Yes I often send just a emoji and it helps close the conversation sometimes. But he is good at double texting, so… 

[Sindy_0311]

Ok, so, he didn’t text during the whole day. At 7pm I asked him how his day went, whether he was tired because of the party yesterday. He replied right away with long/detailed text. Then he asked for tomorrow. Our plan for the music festival. He suggested I drive to his home, and then we take one car to go there. Have to mention that his place is further away than the festival. I told him I thought about going by train as I don’t take the car when I go out… what do you think? Is he trying to push things by making me coming to his place? (This will be our 3rd meet, we just kissed at the end of the last one). Now I feel uncomfortable going because I’m not clear about his intentions toward me. Just sex?? 

[Sindy_0311]

He just replied: ok for what suits you better, we meet there. 

[Wiseman2]

57 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

He just replied: ok for what suits you better, we meet there. 

Sounds like a better plan. The first one was a bit lazy making it overly convenient for himself and inconvenient for you. It's possible his suggestion was also to get you to his place.  That why the "let's go slow" talk never works. Because either you plan things to avoid early hookups ( like you just did) or you don't.

[Sindy_0311]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sounds like a better plan. The first one was a bit lazy making it overly convenient for himself and inconvenient for you. It's possible his suggestion was also to get you to his place.  That why the "let's go slow" talk never works. Because either you plan things to avoid early hookups ( like you just did) or you don't.

Frankly it bothers me that he maid this suggestion. I don’t want to be considered as a hookup option. I no longer want to go to that date. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

. He suggested I drive to his home, and then we take one car to go there. Have to mention that his place is further away than the festival.

Red flag to ask you to drive to his place both in the sense of laziness and in the sense of the date ending up at his house.