Please give me the words to tell him that I just want to be friends.

[Batya33]

11 minutes ago, girlygruv2 said:

I agree. 

I tried to salvage a friendship out of a weird, blurred lines online encounter. My mistake.

Bad wording. Either way, it was just a reiteration of what was already true--we're already to free to date other people. I knew that. 

 

This wasn't a friendship though. It was an on line chat buddy of a couple of days you also had phone sex with.

[smackie9]

He doesn't and never wanted to be friends. He has a criteria and that's sex. Sure he talks about other things, but that doesn't change what he is actually in it for. When you request for the friendship card, he will possibly agree, but will try to get back into it again. You are kidding yourself that he wants to be your friend. Girl if you want this to stop then cut off contact. To add, you can't be too careful with strangers on the internet. Whatever you do with this person, he can record it and share it with others, or use it for blackmailing you for photos or money. This #@%^ is real and you don't want to get caught up into it. 

[girlygruv2]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No I actually don't.  I mean...

Thanks for clarifying. 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

He doesn't and never wanted to be friends. He has a criteria and that's sex. Sure he talks about other things, but that doesn't change what he is actually in it for. When you request for the friendship card, he will possibly agree, but will try to get back into it again. You are kidding yourself that he wants to be your friend. Girl if you want this to stop then cut off contact. To add, you can't be too careful with strangers on the internet. Whatever you do with this person, he can record it and share it with others, or use it for blackmailing you for photos or money. This #@%^ is real and you don't want to get caught up into it. 

Yes I totally was going to add the real and significant safety and reputational risks to continuing to chat with a stranger you had phone sex with.

[girlygruv2]

6 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Since you crossed the line into sexting, it's in the best interest for a future relationship with someone else, that you no longer communicate with the Reddit guy. I know if I started dating a guy who communicated with a woman he once sexted, even if he said they were just online friends and would never be anything more, I'd no longer date him.

You're sabotaging yourself because of a mere stranger if you stay in contact.

The fact you became so invested in him so quickly means you're not properly engaging with local people enough for both friendship and romance. Get out into the real world. And beside OLD like Hinge, try Meetup.com groups. I also suggest reading books about the best way to date in today's world. 

I go to Meetup groups all the time. Hiking, filmmaking clubs, fitness groups, etc...

[Batya33]

Just now, girlygruv2 said:

I go to Meetup groups all the time. Hiking, filmmaking clubs, fitness groups, etc...

Great! Keep it up!

[Jaunty]

31 minutes ago, girlygruv2 said:

I tried to salvage a friendship out of a weird, blurred lines online encounter. My mistake. 

I think you need to reevaluate how you define "friendship" for yourself.  

[girlygruv2]

2 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

I think you need to reevaluate how you define "friendship" for yourself.  

They're not all the same. Some are deeper than others.

To ONLY use this guy as an example (I'm not saying this will or that I expect it to happen), I would have been cool if this was a guy talked to regularly (weekly/biweekly/even monthly) and just talked on the phone with/messaged with. If we got closer (on a friendship level), even better. 

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, girlygruv2 said:

They're not all the same. Some are deeper than others.

To ONLY use this guy as an example (I'm not saying this will or that I expect it to happen), I would have been cool if this was a guy talked to regularly (weekly/biweekly/even monthly) and just talked on the phone with/messaged with. If we got closer (on a friendship level), even better. 

 

There's almost no chance of that given how you first contacted each other, your choice to have phone sex etc. Plus the danger risk and if he is married and his wife/partner finds out that could be risky for you.

[Cherylyn]

Tell the truth.  If you want to be just friends,  then say so.  Be prepared for any answer though.  Not every response will be in your favor.  As long as you remain realistic,  you will be fine. 

[girlygruv2]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

Tell the truth.  If you want to be just friends,  then say so.  Be prepared for any answer though.  Not every response will be in your favor.  As long as you remain realistic,  you will be fine. 

Simple, straightforward advice. Thanks.

[sweetlady]

On 4/20/2023 at 12:53 AM, girlygruv2 said:

A few days ago, I met a guy online--on Reddit, actually. We chatted online, then exchanged numbers/photos, and have texted/called since.

From the beginning, amidst our great conversations, things have been flirty. We even had phone sex one night. Now, I want to slow my roll and I want to be realistic: we're in two different states, he's a decade older, and it's always best to start things off with friendship.

I don't want to cut him out my life completely. What I do want, from now on, is to stick to being great (platonic) pen pals, also freeing us up to date people IRL. I think that's the healthiest thing to do.

I'm wondering how to initiate a conversation I need to have.

We haven't spoke in over a day. No hard feelings, just busy. The last thing we talked about was taxes, lol.

I don't know if I should go straight into a "Hey, let's be friends text" out of the blue, or initiate a regular chat then maneuver into it, or something else. 

Please help!

I hate to say it some men don't want friendship they want something more. He might agree to be friends or he might be honest he come here for relationship, sex etc. 

If he chooses to stay friends I be surprised he stops with flirty stuff. You obviously given him mixed messages like your interested so he might be a little annoyed by I only want friends.

I haven't been read anyone else's comments so hoping someone has put it better than me. 

 

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, girlygruv2 said:

Agreed! I'm signing up for Hinge today. I wasn't tying myself to this Reddit guy nor thinking we had any kind of relationship 😂😎

Good idea. This way you have the chance to meet men in person and develop a relationship. 

As far as exchanging pics, be mindful that any images you share can be used for purposes you may not intend. So, as far as sexting with strangers retain your privacy. 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, sweetlady said:

I hate to say it some men don't want friendship they want something more. He might agree to be friends or he might be honest he come here for relationship, sex etc. 

I don't think it's about gender.  I would think any person who has phone sex with a stranger is not focused on making and developing a new friend whether on line or in real life.  The priority is the sexual pleasure and the chit chat likely wouldn't happen without the phone sex - the people would't be motivated to chit chat without it I mean. I think phone sex with a stranger is less than friendship -it has nothing to do with the person as a person, nothing to do with caring about the person or wanting to figure out whether there is anything in common except a mutual urge to get off by having phone sex.

Certainly nothing to do with wanting a potentially serious relationship with the person. 

Might have something to do with affirmatively not wanting anything to do with the person other than the phone sex (with the friendly chit chat being secondary.)

I wouldn't ever blame the man in this situation -the OP was interested in having phone sex with this stranger too.