girlygruv2

Simple, straightforward advice. Thanks.

They're not all the same. Some are deeper than others. To ONLY use this guy as an example (I'm not saying this will or that I expect it to happen), I would have been cool if this was a guy talked to regularly (weekly/biweekly/even monthly) and just talked on the phone with/messaged with. If we got closer (on a friendship level), even better.

I go to Meetup groups all the time. Hiking, filmmaking clubs, fitness groups, etc...

Thanks for clarifying.

I agree. I tried to salvage a friendship out of a weird, blurred lines online encounter. My mistake. Bad wording. Either way, it was just a reiteration of what was already true--we're already to free to date other people. I knew that.

I just mean I want to keep chatting with him. Ignoring the phone sex we had, we had great conversations too. He's funny and smart--and even if things are just friends between us from now on--I'd love to keep talking with him. Didn't mean to make the message sound like I was in love with this man after a few days and thought we had a relationship going on...🙃😂

Agreed! I'm signing up for Hinge today. I wasn't tying myself to this Reddit guy nor thinking we had any kind of relationship 😂😎

I didn't think we were in a relationship either? I didn't even say the "so we can date others" part. The phone sex I could have left behind, but meeting anyone online (dating app or otherwise) requires disclosing some amount of personal information from both parties...

Isn't this true for anyone you meet online, including dating apps? When you go on an app and before you agree to meet in person, there's still a period of a few days of exchanging information, talking on the phone, messaging back and forth, etc. Anyone you get to meet online--social media or a dating app--is a stranger, yet people encourage dating apps all the time. This contradicts so much of what you said before, Batya. 😂 You often encourage people to take things slow, get to know each other, delay sex as long as possible, etc. Which sucks, because this is my first time doing anything like this. And I'm a virgin. Either way, I should have made things strictly non-sexual from the beginning and just gotten to know him. But on the other hand, I don't regret the things I did in and of itself--I had a great time meeting and chatting with him. Oh well!

I don't doubt you. I'll come back and update with how it goes. My hopes are not high for any particular reaction. It just feels good to be upfront about what I want, even if it was done late.

He responded. I made a joke about ghosting, and he said something along the lines of, "Nah, I don't ghost, but there's a much higher chance of friend zoning. I develop feelings all at once or not at all, so admittedly on my end I've never had a relationship develop from taking things slow." Which I'm fine with. Just friendship is great to me. I'm thinking about saying, "I respect that. Let's put the whole relationship thing out of our heads and let this just be friends." Does that sound good?

Yeah, definitely learned that lesson. He responded, said, "that's fine, no worries." AKA, I'm highly likely about to be ghosted. 😂 Oh well. It's alright if he does. I'll be clearer with my boundaries from the start with the next one.

I did it willingly. And I don't regret it, but I do have different desires for this friendship/relationship thinking about it again. I had this in my drafts to send to him. Is it clear? Does it sound good? I do want to slow down. I think we jumped the gun despite our first intentions and I want to give this a genuine shot. I say let's get to know each other without the sexual stuff going forward. What do you think?

A few days ago, I met a guy online--on Reddit, actually. We chatted online, then exchanged numbers/photos, and have texted/called since. From the beginning, amidst our great conversations, things have been flirty. We even had phone sex one night. Now, I want to slow my roll and I want to be realistic: we're in two different states, he's a decade older, and it's always best to start things off with friendship. I don't want to cut him out my life completely. What I do want, from now on, is to stick to being great (platonic) pen pals, also freeing us up to date people IRL. I think that's the healthiest thing to do. I'm wondering how to initiate a conversation I need to have. We haven't spoke in over a day. No hard feelings, just busy. The last thing we talked about was taxes, lol. I don't know if I should go straight into a "Hey, let's be friends text" out of the blue, or initiate a regular chat then maneuver into it, or something else. Please help!