What am I to think?

[adidas7fire]

Let me ask your opinion on two things. The first is when a person starts a new relationship with someone, is it normal to keep items/gifts from their past relationships? I ask because I am dating a guy (it's been 8.5 months but we've known each other for years) and he has this bag of stuff that his past 2 girlfriends have either made him, such as cards/letters/etc. I've asked him why he still keeps that stuff and he ends up changing the subject or we get into an argument (and since things are going so well and I'm pretty much convinced that I'm going to marry him, I avoid all issues for an argument). I know that the day we get engaged, I will ask him to get rid of it but I can't exactly find the right way to say/ask it right now. The second, however, is now that we just bought a house together, I kinda expect him to be committed to me. Yes, the house is in our names and we share just about everything but I guess I'm just at that age where I'm a chick, 23 years old, ready for marriage. But from what I have heard from his friends, he's committed to me and wants to marry me but that's it -- no specific time planned, he just knows he wants to marry me. I guess my biggest problem is the uncertainty. Not knowing when, where, if I'm even going to be the one he will want a year from now... drives me nuts! We've talked about it somewhat and the ending result is "in the future." Is it wrong of me to want something as little as a ring on my finger for him to show his committment? I mean, we talk about buying a new $1500 TV and my friend brought up a good point... instead of buying a TV that costs that much, shouldn't he be buying me a ring first? I'd just like to know your opinion, guy or chick.

[DN]

Lots of people keep things from exes with out ulterior motive. Unless he is sighing or drooling over them every day, or even once in a while, whuy should you care. He is with you so you should not feel threatened.

 

As far as marriage is concerned beware of pushing for a 'ring' rather than marriage. Looks a little materialistic especially when you feel angry about his spending choices. Also, this is 2005 - there is no reason that you cannot ask him to marry you. Why should he have all the control?

[Drizown]

i keep all my things from my exes. it just memories. its nothing more dont worry about it.

[socalguy123]

I did the breakup sin of asking for some of my gifts back. I don't recommend it, as it burns bridges. But that's what I get for allowing myself to put too much of myself into the relationship, when she wasn't in it equally with me....

[smorgie]

I have kept alot of things from ex's as well....it doesn't hinder my new relationship at all. Pushing for those things to be gone will only cause resentment.

 

With the ring situation, just be patient. Men like to think that things are their idea. If you keep bugging him about the ring, it will never seem to him like it was his idea to get you one. If you both know what you want in the future, and that is each other I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe he's waiting for a special date to give you a ring? There are lots of possiblities. For now just focus on how lucky you are at this moment. There are lots of girls who would love to be in your position....ring or not!

[adidas7fire]

You guys are definitely right. He is with me now... but would you find it weird if your current signif other kept writing emails and whatnot to their exes, saying that they "hope to hear from you"? But as far as the ring thing, I guess I just need to be patient. I mean, in my last relationship, I asked my bf to marry me. Everything was great until I found out he was cheating on me and that's what has me sometimes wondering why ex's are still in the picture or if the next person I'm with will do the same. I suppose it's hard to trust someone fully once wrong has been done, you know? But thanks for everyone's input... it is very helpful and I appreciate it!

[Drizown]

Im friends with about 95% of my ex's. Dont read too much into it otherwise you'll come off untrustworthy. Plus you can pretty much tell when your guy is cheating on you, their bodly language changes and they cant look u in the eye as much. Without trust there's nothing. Good luck.

[kskm]

I have always wondered what you are supposed to keep and not supposed to keep. I dumped my ex a little over a year ago, and I still have pictures (none hanging up- but in boxes) and little things that he gave me. I have been in a new relationship- now a year, and we are getting ready to move into our house in two months. So I am on the flip side of your situation.

 

I think that if my boyfriend asked me to get rid of them I would do it, but I think it's better if you ask him to put the things into a box and put it in the attic. I think that that's what I am going to do. Only keep like a shoe box of things... I guess the reason being is because they are my memories. Althought I don't go through them, I would still like to keep somethings, even if it's in the attic.

 

But remember, he's with you, not her anymore.