Dating strategy advice

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Whirling D said:

am also going to predict that your husband is fairly masculine… I.e., broad shouldered, maybe facial hair… Or balding? Am I close? Ask me how I know.

Nope. But he is masculine in my opinion in the traditional understanding. He is not balding.  Neither am I lol.  And in my opinion I'm feminine although I have certain qualities -professionally -that are not traditionally feminine.   I don't really like how you asked this question -the tone of it.  I don't relate to agree with the high value or low value concept.  It does remind me of junior high/high school with the popular crowd and the "others".  Cringeworthy.  

Oh and since you asked about my husband you know what makes him incredibly high value?? This morning I scored a last minute appointment with our son's brand new orthodontist early morning for a near emergency. I had to wake my husband earlier than planned to take him. 

He is NOT a morning person so I calmly woke him and said I scored the appointment and he had to get up to drive him while I got our son ready (I couldn't get him there because we had another appointment right after).  He was so sleepy but he held up his hand to give me a high five for scoring the appointment before 8am.  I don't know what else in the world could define high value.

[Whirling D]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Nope. But he is masculine in my opinion in the traditional understanding. He is not balding.  Neither am I lol.  And in my opinion I'm feminine although I have certain qualities -professionally -that are not traditionally feminine.   I don't really like how you asked this question -the tone of it.  I don't relate to agree with the high value or low value concept.  It does remind me of junior high/high school with the popular crowd and the "others".  Cringeworthy.  

Oh and since you asked about my husband you know what makes him incredibly high value?? This morning I scored a last minute appointment with our son's brand new orthodontist early morning for a near emergency. I had to wake my husband earlier than planned to take him. 

He is NOT a morning person so I calmly woke him and said I scored the appointment and he had to get up to drive him while I got our son ready (I couldn't get him there because we had another appointment right after).  He was so sleepy but he held up his hand to give me a high five for scoring the appointment before 8am.  I don't know what else in the world could define high value.

Yeah, my tone. I’m sorry if it’s bothersome. You can probably tell I’m a bit pissed off at life.

it doesn’t matter whether I would be high value in the way you describe your husband to be, or not. I just don’t get the opportunity to show that or prove that, at all. Almost ever.

If I can’t find anyone willing to get to know whether I’m high or low value, and they go basically on photographs, or what I look like, then I think my prospects will be few and far between.

as for doing things to “improve“ my presentation. I have $90,000 of school loans, because I went back to school at 31 years old, and onto my masters, to “improve“ my value.

I worked in a giving profession for almost 20 years to “improve“ my presentation.

I currently work a job that I want to do, so I don’t feel the need to “improve“ my presentation by getting a “better“ job.

I like my hair the way it is. I value that my hair grows the length it was meant to grow by nature. I don’t feel the need to “improve“ myself by getting a better haircut.

am I pissed off at the world? Maybe just people. You bet.

[Batya33]

Just now, Whirling D said:

Yeah, my tone. I’m sorry if it’s bothersome. You can probably tell I’m a bit pissed off at life.

it doesn’t matter whether I would be high value in the way you describe your husband to be, or not. I just don’t get the opportunity to show that or prove that, at all. Almost ever.

If I can’t find anyone willing to get to know whether I’m high or low value, and they go basically on photographs, or what I look like, then I think my prospects will be few and far between.

as for doing things to “improve“ my presentation. I have $90,000 of school loans, because I went back to school at 31 years old, and onto my masters, to “improve“ my value.

I worked in a giving profession for almost 20 years to “improve“ my presentation.

I currently work a job that I want to do, so I don’t feel the need to “improve“ my presentation by getting a “better“ job.

I like my hair the way it is. I value that my hair grows the length it was meant to grow by nature. I don’t feel the need to “improve“ myself by getting a better haircut.

am I pissed off at the world? Maybe just people. You bet.

I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated and annoyed.  Another poster mentioned above she loves long hair and didn't care at all about financial stability.  As I wrote above that's not surprising at all.  Individual people have different values/standards/preferences you name it.  

[Whirling D]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated and annoyed.  Another poster mentioned above she loves long hair and didn't care at all about financial stability.  As I wrote above that's not surprising at all.  Individual people have different values/standards/preferences you name it.  

Well, as much as it annoys you to hear the labels that you described as being like junior high school… It still makes me feel like I’m low value. Like in junior high school, if you are the last one to be picked for a team, it doesn’t make you feel like you are valued.

Now that you mention it, I can even remember it back then. Was always picked last for teams. Always.

statistically, if you look at it, if one or two girls out of 10 like guys with long hair, and that may be best case scenario where I live, that leaves the pickins as slim.  I would bet that the ratio is much further than that… I would guess that may be one out of 25 girls might like guys with long hair.  Maybe less.

to be fair, occasionally, I will see a girl on Facebook with a guy with long hair. Then I also notice that the particular guy she is with is usually a lot taller than I am. And much more masculine looking. Think Michael Bolton, or Russell Brandt.

That brings the odds likely to about 100 to 1.

As Jim Carrey’s character said, I believe in the movie Liar Liar, when he asked a woman what the chance was that she would date him, she replied… “About a 1,000,000 to 1”…, and he responded… “So there’s a chance!”… 

I’m even boring myself now.

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

But how does this relate to the kind of woman YOU are looking for? What specific qualities make a woman "high value" to you? Not some vague phrase used by "dating coaches" but qualities you as an individual desire?

I'm curious to know your answer to these questions.

[Whirling D]

9 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I'm curious to know your answer to these questions.

To me, it’s not like I am trying to find a needle in a haystack. I see these girls all over the place, kind of. I worked along side of a bunch of them this past weekend.  Lively ladies. They’re just not dating guys like me. They’re dating tall broad-shouldered guys with beards or bald heads.  Don’t know how many times I need to say that. I see it over and over and over.  Ughh.

But to be more specific and answering your question… if I had to put my finger on the qualities that I would value… Decency… Friendly… Pleasant… Cute, maybe pretty… Can talk about a lot of different things… Loves nature… Maybe plays music like I do… has values that are similar to mine… And has something in their life that gives them drive and focus that may be community or culture focused. You get the idea.  

I don’t expect to find all of these things in a partner, but some of them would be nice.

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

 They’re just not dating guys like me. 

Then they're not compatible, so no need to worry about who random women are with. You'll have to find someone who's interested in your type but there's no guarantee they'll be the type you hope for. 

[Batya33]

26 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

They’re dating tall broad-shouldered guys with beards or bald heads.  

I mean I didn't want for male attention (which is very separate from the challenges of finding the right match) and certainly cared about looks -I think most people looking to date do to some extent- but I don't think I ever dated someone who was broad shouldered in particular or bald/bearded nor did I care to.  Tall -yes -I dated some tall men. I preferred and married a shorter than average man.

[boltnrun]

3 hours ago, Whirling D said:

Decency… Friendly… Pleasant… Cute, maybe pretty… Can talk about a lot of different things… Loves nature… Maybe plays music like I do… has values that are similar to mine… And has something in their life that gives them drive and focus that may be community or culture focused

I'm not sure how these qualities make these women  highly pursued by other men and make them prefer "tall, broad shouldered, bearded" men. People wouldn't know these women have these qualities unless they met them in person and had spent a certain amount of time with them. 

But these are good qualities (albeit a bit vague) for anyone to have.