In love with a friend, passed over for a younger woman

[left due to request]

Well, I for one, think this is a beautiful friendship story.  Wish him well and file the memories to make space for another one.  Whatever happens from this point on can only destroy what was so valuable to you for past 10+ years.  It's time for the next chapter of your life.

 

[Tinydance]

On 1/8/2023 at 3:59 AM, Jaunty said:

I have doubts about this.  The OP is a very biased reporter.  Sorry OP - but the whole thing is coming from your perspective and emotional place of being angry and hurt right now.   

 

 

Once someone is 18 they are actually a legal adult. We don't know how old the teenage girl was. 

[Tinydance]

On 1/8/2023 at 7:39 AM, Batya33 said:

I mean sure if he put it this way she is not right for him - but there are many couples where both like that arrangement - and it depends what "looking down" means -again- from her biased perspective.  Some couples like the dynamic of one person -usually the male- being the more successful/smarter/provider and the other person (usually female) enjoys being taken care of in that way and taking care of "her man" as a traditional housewife and/or mother.  Totally not for me -but if both people want that, if both people are secure in themselves and also are turned on by that dynamic, more power to them. 

I also think it's fine if she was "too much" for him romantically -I know some men assumed I was "intimidating" because I was well educated and had a very successful career -even though I took off my Career Hat in personal and romantic situations -I got labeled/categorized just because of who I was on paper.

  I didn't want to be in a relationship where the man would feel intimidated and I also didn't want to be afraid to talk about (but not brag about!) my career and successes and career related ambitions.  Just like I wanted to hear about my husband's ambitions and career successes -and to be there for him as a support for the less than successes. 

Also if for the ten years she pined away for him she had no idea he had this penchant -romantically-for "the little woman" type -well I doubt that.  i think she knew and ignored it given her self-described fantasy limerance and intensity about him -even moving to be closer to him -she knew but ignored until she couldn't ignore once he was taken and didn't want to be with her.

Actually people can have a personality preference for a partner or even friends and it might actually not have anything to do with trying to be superior. For example, my best friend and I have a really different personality and it's definitely a case of opposites attract. She's shy and quiet.  She loves to be friends and date people who are talkative and extroverted and can carry most of the conversation. She feels awkward with other shy and quiet people because she needs someone to be doing the talking. In my case I'm very talkative, outgoing, strong personality. I find that I don't usually get along with other people who have a very strong personality and dominate the conversation. I prefer that my partner wasn't like this. That's not because I just want someone meek to be my doormat. It's just because I find that I have a personality clash with people who are like me and it's just not a good fit.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Actually people can have a personality preference for a partner or even friends and it might actually not have anything to do with trying to be superior. For example, my best friend and I have a really different personality and it's definitely a case of opposites attract. She's shy and quiet.  She loves to be friends and date people who are talkative and extroverted and can carry most of the conversation. She feels awkward with other shy and quiet people because she needs someone to be doing the talking. In my case I'm very talkative, outgoing, strong personality. I find that I don't usually get along with other people who have a very strong personality and dominate the conversation. I prefer that my partner wasn't like this. That's not because I just want someone meek to be my doormat. It's just because I find that I have a personality clash with people who are like me and it's just not a good fit.

I of course wrote many times that I agree with this.   I was giving alternate views to be open to alternative views.  I mean sure as someone suggested if it takes the whole ego thing of "his loss" or painting him to be some unstable person who wants a doormat or a young person -to get over it fine -to me the faster a person accepts "not that into me" the faster the person moves on and the less risk of being jaded/cynical later.