I have a conflict with one of my friends - help!

[DaXMan]

I should warn you this is a bit long. Also, this isn't a dating relationship or something like that - this involves a friend I have and me in school (it is technically a "relationship conflict" so I put it here). Hopefully, you can help me out, even though you probably don't see much of these types of conflicts on the boards.

 

Alright - I have a tricky situation with one of my friends and I need your help.

 

This guy is my good friend, but not one of my "best" friends. Usually, he is mellow, calm and quiet. SO, he has a girlfriend from another school (like 2 hours away), and I like to tease him a little bit about it because he is ALWAYS talking to her on the phone, or just talking about her (good-natured teasing). Usually, he seems to take it all in good fun.

 

Here's the main point of dilemma - he comes in today saying how his gf is "Class President" at her school - and he says this a few times. So, to tease him about it, I call him "President" with a little salute (in honor of his gf) and he explodes - usually he doesn't really do anything or say that he really is pissed off if he was. He starts pushing me, but it's not like I was really getting moved or leveled around all too much (he's huge, but more on that in a minute) and getting in my face. I pushed back a bit jsut to get him out of my face, but I didn't plan on making things any bigger - I was trying to contain him. I had two other friends around (no one else was really there) and a fight wasn't really worth it (more on that in a minute too). This guy thinks I was "chickening out" of a fight - which wasn't really the case.

 

Unfortunately, I can't really get into a fight unless he tosses me down or punches me because in my case, I lose a lot of things if I get into a fight, a lot more than most other people (my track season for half of next year, one of most important college reccomendations and some other really privliges I have with the school that really help me with college). If he was to punch me or throw me down first, then I can consider it "self-defense" and I shouldn't get in trouble.

 

Also, I really hate getting into fights (I haven't yet though). It's not like I'd necessarily lose, but it's just not worth it. If I get confronted, I usually jsut walk away (notice "walk" and not "run"). This kid, who was my "friend" has about 7 inches on me and 60 pounds. (he's 6'1", 190-200lbs, I am 5'6", 135 lbs) He's not fat, but he's not all muscular either - I discovered today he's a little weaker than he looks. My buddy runs up to me and tells me this kid ten times my size wants to "talk" to me, and that he sounded really mad (yes, it was him). Some other kids that know him well told me his anger at me is driving him crazy and is affecting him - he can't really think clearly.

 

I can figure out a way to fight him if I really had to, although with his size, it would be tough. He's big and decently strong (a lot of that because he's big), but he's slow and a bit clumsy (not really clumsy though). I'm a lot faster, quicker and more athletic than him and I can probably take him down if I tackle him. I just can't let him hit me in the head with a big punch or I may be down. The problem is he is quite a bit bigger than me.

 

What helps me though is that not too many people really know him while I would consider myself decently popular. That means I am friends (not buddies, but friends) with the captain of the football team, as well as a bunch of other guys from the football team and a few other guys that would probably intimidate him (some are smaller, but stronger and more aggresive). That would only happen if I am certain he would sucker-punch me when I am at a disadvantageous postion (like if I'm at my locker getting my books). I don't want them to fight or anything, but if he sees me with one or two of them (at least one that would put him at a disadvantage), he'll back off for sure.

 

He is not a bully or anything like that, but I really don't want to get into a fight with anyone. I can defend myself, but even if I win the fight, I still lose because I many of the things I do that colleges like will be gone, as well as half my track season where I may be the Captain next year. I can slither away from him during a fight and be fine, as long as I don't get hit hard first.

 

What should I do? My goal here is to avoid a fight at all costs since it's just really not worth it, even though if I start out hard and fast, I may beat him. Again though, this kid is pretty big.

 

P.S. Talking to him first thing on Monday on my own may not be the best idea - he may try to start something...

[Drizown]

I think you should appologise and explain that it was only in good humour, and that you didn't realize that it would push his bottons so much. He is after all a friend. But make sure when you talk to him that there are ppl like your football friends somewhere close to keep an eye.

[GettingOverIt]

Actually, I think talking to him on your come Monday is a great idea... If you have to talk to him at all... Is it possible that Monday, this whole thing will blow over?

 

Obviously, something made him go off... Can you just avoid talking to him/seeing him?

 

I say that talking to him directly is a good idea because you can talk, and if HE starts anything, you walk away... I would apologize for the whole 'President' and salute thing and let him know you didn't mean anything by it... (Even though you do not understand his reaction...)

[kskm]

Although you may think that talking to him on Monday morning is not the best solution- because he may try to start something- I think that it is your only solution.

 

I would go up to him and say, "Hey, I wasn't trying to offend you with any of the comments that I may have made. I thought that I was being funny and didn't mean to get you angry with me".

 

If you talk to him alone, and nicely then I don't think that anything will happen to you.

 

If he does try to start something with you, then say that it's not worth loosing your future to fight someone that you tried to reason with. Walk away. If worst comes to worst and he hits you then defend yourself but don't try to "win" because no one is a winner in the end.

[DN]

'The soft answer that turneth away wrath'

 

The fact is you pushed his button one time too many and he got mad. So you really started it - so it is up to you to finish it. I agree with the others who recommend an apology. It can take as much courage to do that as to fight him, if not more.

[DaXMan]

Thanks for your advice. 8)

 

Knowing where he is to talk to him is easy - he always hangs out by my locker. I see him when I first get into school and at lunch if I ever go back down to my locker (not frequently over the last month). thereforeeee, it is "inevitable" for me to see him, unless he misses the bus. Unfortunately, this hallway is somewhat "not densely populated", so I won't have too many buddes to back me up (also, a bunch of them come to school later than I do).

 

He had a "mood swing" like this once before, though not nearly as much. I do go up and tell him I didn't mean anything by it. Last time, he pulled back, but was still a bit mad. This time though (where it may be more anger), who knows?

 

So based on what you guys said, if he doesn't look like he wants to kill me Monday, I will go up to him and explain everything. I would prefer if I had one of my "bigger" friends there as well, but that is not a certainty (I have two other friends, who are athletic that may be there, but I don't know what they would do - this guy is bigger than both of them).

[DN]

Can you call him or message him over the weekend?

[DaXMan]

Can you call him or message him over the weekend?

 

Nope. He isn't online too much and the only time he'll really use his phone is when he calls his girlfriend.

 

Plus, I think he blocked me online once a while ago (when that smaller dilemma came up) and forgot to put it back - fat chance he'd do it now (although his E-Mail is UNblocked, but he rarely checks it). I doubt the cell phone would work either - he'll see who's calling (and he doesn't pick it up if it's "restricted".

 

So the next time I'd encounter him is Monday.

[DaXMan]

***UPDATE***

 

We came back to school, I was ready for anything, but nothing happened. I walked right by him and he didn't do anything. I was ready for a "comfrontation" if it came to that, but I guess it all blew over during the weekend. It may have helped that he had a stomach flu over the weekend as well, but I felt I could take him if he picked a fight.

 

The only negative thing about it is he won't talk to me and he is still mad, but I don't think that's SO bad - I mean he is one of my "friends", but not one of my better friends. I'll see if this finally blows over completely or if it doesn't - either way, I'm not really concerned.