Colleague at work being flirtatious and saying she can't sleep

[shazad]

Hi Im a male and a female colleague was openly flirtatious whilst someone else was pursuing her. I didn't want to be involved in the triangle despite finding her attractive. A few weeks later she came to me saying she couldn't sleep at night and it being related to her daughter. I though she was attracted to me and was over the other colleague. I then asked her out and she said no and is back again with the original person. Now I feel anxious and find it difficult to sleep. Your advice of what to do next will be very helpful. Im trying to avoid them as much as possible but it is proving hard to.

[kctiger]

Why are you anxious? Because you really like her and got rejected by someone you work with? Happens to the best of us but at least you went for it and asked her out., although I’m not sure what she did that made you think she was interested in you. I typically do not recommend people get involved with work colleagues as it can make for extremely awkward situations if things don’t work out. Case in point. Sorry you got rejected but as far as what to do next, just move on like this doesn’t phase you and focus on doing your job. Act like a professional. 

[MissCanuck]

5 minutes ago, shazad said:

A few weeks later she came to me saying she couldn't sleep at night and it being related to her daughter. I though she was attracted

I am not sure you why you took her trouble sleeping as a sign of attraction. It was a passing comment that was unrelated to you. 

6 minutes ago, shazad said:

Im trying to avoid them as much as possible but it is proving hard to.

This is really the only thing you can do. It sucks to be turned down, but stay civil and professional without engaging in personal conversation. Eventually the sting will fade. 

[shazad]

Many thanks it's more about finding it difficult to sleep at night. You have rationalised it very well. Perhaps I invested too much on my instinct rather than what she was offering 

[shazad]

We'll both our sleeping trouble started at the same time and hers was over after I asked her out 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, shazad said:

 she came to me saying she couldn't sleep at night and it being related to her daughter. I I then asked her out and she said no 

Go to work in order to work. It's ok to have a crush but the workplace is not a singles club. Her statement is not flirting whatsoever. It's just polite everyday chitchat that co-workers tend to have.

Never pursue a coworker after an explicit "no" to an advance. That could be reported as sexual harassment. 

Why not socialize outside of work. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women.

[shazad]

Yes thanks I agree😁 lesson learnt the hard way. I guess it was more of her finding ways of doing things together for a few weeks whilst appearing angry and perhaps she wanted to get over her own crush of me

 

[Kwothe28]

25 minutes ago, shazad said:

Im trying to avoid them as much as possible but it is proving hard to.

Well, that is a drawback of you asking her out and she saying "No". And that you still have to see her at work.

I think you did fine. You shoot your shot and got an answer. Now you can move on. Its better then probably spending months questioning "What if".

As for ankwardness, it will stop in time. Be professional, do your job and in time you will see that its ultimately nothing that special. 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, shazad said:

We'll both our sleeping trouble started at the same time and hers was over after I asked her out 

The best ways I combat insomnia or trouble sleeping:  4-7-8 breathing Weil method (google it, practice it when you're calm so that you can do it properly when you really need it -for me it acts like a sleeping pill.

Sticking to a sleep routine and schedule.  Turning off screens at least an hour before bedtime. Eating normally but not overeating or eating too much before bed.  Magnesium supplement (I do 200mg in addition to the 50 in my daily vitamin) -it's calming.  If you cannot sleep get out of bed and remake your bed -just the blankets and sheets -or visualize in your head all the steps it takes to remake a bed. 

Get out of bed after trying to sleep for 20-30 minutes and read a book in another room.  Go back to bed only when you know you'll fall asleep fast (reading in bed ok too but better to associate bed only with sleeping). 

Make sure the room and your pillow are cool enough so that you need a blanket -weight on you helps induce sleep -but  you are not too warm.

Good luck and I hope you sleep better soon.  Been there!

[shazad]

Many thanks Batya!!!😀 I will give the 478 breathing a go

[catfeeder]

Be friendly with colleagues in the context of work, but don’t mix them with your dating life. You’ll be able to work and sleep just fine.

[smackie9]

Totally get it. You get that hit of dopamine when she gives you attention and you are over the moon. It gets worse because you look forward to seeing them everyday. The daydreams take over and it gets a little addicting. Then reality hits and you crash. You are left with all these emotions. It takes time for sure. Maybe spending time doing something fun with friends after work will give yourself a little break from it. Keep busy to distract yourself. I find watching TikTok provides that. Best of luck. Hope you have a great weekend. Cheers.