I thought he would be over me?

[Jaunty]

Block him, ask him out if you want to,  or ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS.    

Why are you asking on forum when you are talking to the guy yourself regularly?   

[Tiffany778]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

Since you've declined numerous dates with this guy, request that he not to text you anymore.  Request NC (no contact).  Thank him for respecting your wishes, wish him all the best, sign your name:  "Sincerely,  Your Name."  If he's relentless, the ignore, ghost, block and delete him. 

Why should I request that ?

[WalterSobcha]

18 hours ago, Tiffany778 said:

it’s probably a fear of rejection because I declined lots of times in the past.

This makes a lot of sense. Reread what you posted. Why would he keep asking you out after being turned down "lots of times"?

[Tiffany778]

1 hour ago, WalterSobcha said:

This makes a lot of sense. Reread what you posted. Why would he keep asking you out after being turned down "lots of times"?

So that’s why I’m confused on why he sometimes still reaches out ? We talked for like 4 days straight in which he kept the convo going 

[Jaunty]

BLOCK HIM.  How many different ways to you need to be told this?  

[moodindigo91]

21 hours ago, Tiffany778 said:

in which he kept the convo going even when I tried to end it.

If you're not interested in dating him, why are you still texting him? This is what's confusing. He will keep asking you out and keep reaching out to you as long as you keep responding to him. It's as simple as that. You don't even need to block him or ask what he wants (this will especially get you nowhere, you already know what he wants). Just stop responding to him. 

[Tiffany778]

18 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

If you're not interested in dating him, why are you still texting him? This is what's confusing. He will keep asking you out and keep reaching out to you as long as you keep responding to him. It's as simple as that. You don't even need to block him or ask what he wants (this will especially get you nowhere, you already know what he wants). Just stop responding to him. 

I am interested in dealing with him. He hasn’t asked me on a date in months ? Sooo im not going to ask him

[moodindigo91]

3 minutes ago, Tiffany778 said:

I am interested in dealing with him. 

what does this mean? do you want to date him or not? 

[Jaunty]

17 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

what does this mean? do you want to date him or not? 

She wants to play games.  

[Tiffany778]

17 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

She wants to play games.  

No I want to go out with him, but I’m not asking

[Jaunty]

5 minutes ago, Tiffany778 said:

No I want to go out with him, but I’m not asking

Cool.  Have a good time.

[moodindigo91]

29 minutes ago, Tiffany778 said:

No I want to go out with him, but I’m not asking

If you want to go out with him, why did you decline several times when he asked you out? Really does seem like you're playing games and now it has backfired on you. If I were this guy I would not have asked again after the first time you declined. I'm not sure what you expected to happen, but chances are he's not asking you out again. The ball is in your court and you are refusing to play it. 

[Batya33]

30 minutes ago, Tiffany778 said:

No I want to go out with him, but I’m not asking

He may be done asking you out because how many times should he have to do that and be turned down and he may no longer have interest in dating you - texting back and forth takes no effort (I explained above he may be putting effort into pursuing women who respond with enthusiasm at getting to know him in person. 

There should be little fear of him turning you down -in the recent past he was very interested in dating you. Certainly given how many times you said no make sure you ask him in advance and plan activities on a specific day -step up to the plate and show effort.

[Tiffany778]

56 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

If you want to go out with him, why did you decline several times when he asked you out? Really does seem like you're playing games and now it has backfired on you. If I were this guy I would not have asked again after the first time you declined. I'm not sure what you expected to happen, but chances are he's not asking you out again. The ball is in your court and you are refusing to play it. 

I understand that. The dates were last minute that’s why they were declined I have stated on upon declining one of those dates a suggested to go out the next day. When that day came it was crickets on his side ? So I did ask him ! I’m only confused on why I’m still even a thought to him? Or what does he want from me 

[Tiffany778]

51 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

He may be done asking you out because how many times should he have to do that and be turned down and he may no longer have interest in dating you - texting back and forth takes no effort (I explained above he may be putting effort into pursuing women who respond with enthusiasm at getting to know him in person. 

There should be little fear of him turning you down -in the recent past he was very interested in dating you. Certainly given how many times you said no make sure you ask him in advance and plan activities on a specific day -step up to the plate and show effort.

Your right texting takes not effort! So why not go text other women??? Why are you texting someone who your not going to ask out again? Then when I try to end the convo he continues it. Maybe he is bored and it’s just a game for him? Yet usually a man moves on to other women to text right?

[Tiffany778]

I know none in here is a mind reader, and no one has all the answers. Truth is it’s probably not even worth figuring out. I’m just confused that’s all 

[Batya33]

Nothing to be confused about. Assume he is not texting other women as much as you because the other women see him in person. On dates. He has moved on. Texting you doesn’t mean he’s interested in dating you. He might be but after all you respond and yet you’re not that interested in dating him. Because if you were you’d choose him over fear.  
He also didn’t need to move on because he never dated you. Nothing between you to move on from. I think with all respect you need to get over yourself. You’re “confused “ because you’re choosing to interact with a man through typed messages and yet you refused to put in the effort to get to know him in person. 
Once he becomes serious with someone else you likely won’t hear from him again. If you think it’s fun to type messages back and forth certainly do so. It’s your time to spend. 

[Tiffany778]

42 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Nothing to be confused about. Assume he is not texting other women as much as you because the other women see him in person. On dates. He has moved on. Texting you doesn’t mean he’s interested in dating you. He might be but after all you respond and yet you’re not that interested in dating him. Because if you were you’d choose him over fear.  
He also didn’t need to move on because he never dated you. Nothing between you to move on from. I think with all respect you need to get over yourself. You’re “confused “ because you’re choosing to interact with a man through typed messages and yet you refused to put in the effort to get to know him in person. 
Once he becomes serious with someone else you likely won’t hear from him again. If you think it’s fun to type messages back and forth certainly do so. It’s your time to spend. 

Tbh the reason I didn’t go out with him was also because I was confused on his intentions? Normally guys who want to go out with women plan something or ask you what you would like to do . They don’t say “I’m going the the lounge and I was wondering if you wanted to tag along” “plus I might bring friends”. He never gave me compliments or like showed me he wanted to pursue me in a romantic way. He kinda talked to me like I was one of his bros? Maybe he doesn’t know how to flirt idk? Now that months have went by he comments on my pic and flirts vise versa. So that’s why I was kinda hesitant hanging out with him. He also mentioned that “I forgot about him” . 
 

 

PS thanks for all the advice you’ve been very helpful 

[Cherylyn]

8 hours ago, Tiffany778 said:

Why should I request that ?

Because you've declined dates with this guy and tried to end the convo.  If you want to retain him as a friend and / or texting buddy, then tell him.  Be direct so there are no misunderstandings whatsoever.  If communicating / corresponding with him proves to be complicated and confusing for him despite your clarity, then you decide whether or not you wish to continue texting back 'n forth with him. 

 

[MissCanuck]

OP,  have you ever actually met this guy in person?

The better question is - why are you wasting your time replying to him months later? You didn't like the way he asked you out and he didn't follow up when you suggested another day. 

So, what are you getting out of this? He's likely going out with other women by now and texting you when he's bored. 

[Null]

4 hours ago, Tiffany778 said:

Normally guys who want to go out with women plan something or ask you what you would like to do . They don’t say “I’m going the the lounge and I was wondering if you wanted to tag along” “plus I might bring friends”.

I’m fairly certain that his offer to take you to the lounge was him asking you on a date. Adding “plus I might bring friends” might have been said because he doesn’t want you to feel awkward just being alone with him. And he has reason to feel awkward - you keep putting down his advances.

It sounds like you will not go out on a date with him unless he asks you first. If you want to lose a potential relationship because you’re too stubborn or too much of a traditional “men must do everything” type of girl, then that’s your prerogative. The future of this relationship rests in your hands. 

If you do not ask him on a date or accept his requests to go places with you, then the relationship is as good as dead. You can’t just take and take and take. You need to give back, too, or it’s not going to go anywhere. You are treating him rather terribly by leading him on. If you continue to lead him on (and by this, I mean refute his advances and give him mixed signals) I have nothing to say except that he deserves much, much better. 

[Null]

And when I say “take and take and take”, I mean that you’re taking up his time. You’re wasting it. 

I know that might sound a tad harsh and I don’t mean it that way, but this has been carrying on for a while. It doesn’t have to, because many people in this thread have proposed solutions for you.

[Jaunty]

Yes.  Actually this is the second thread about it.

[poorlittlefish]

10 hours ago, Tiffany778 said:

I am interested in dealing with him. He hasn’t asked me on a date in months ? Sooo im not going to ask him

He asked you out several times, you kept saying no.  He is either still interested or desperate, because he continues to bother with you.  For some bizarre reason you think this poor guy should ask you out yet again, because this time you feel like saying yes.  

I struggle to understand how you can't understand how he would feel about being rejected multiple times and why you still think he should ask again.  If you want to date this guy, it's for YOU to suggest it to him.  Are you scared he'll say no?  Welcome to HIS world.  If you refuse to ask him, then just cut this poor guy loose.  You seem to be full of your own self-importance.

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, Tiffany778 said:

Tbh the reason I didn’t go out with him was also because I was confused on his intentions? Normally guys who want to go out with women plan something or ask you what you would like to do . They don’t say “I’m going the the lounge and I was wondering if you wanted to tag along” “plus I might bring friends”. He never gave me compliments or like showed me he wanted to pursue me in a romantic way. He kinda talked to me like I was one of his bros? Maybe he doesn’t know how to flirt idk? Now that months have went by he comments on my pic and flirts vise versa. So that’s why I was kinda hesitant hanging out with him. He also mentioned that “I forgot about him” . 
 

 

PS thanks for all the advice you’ve been very helpful 

You seem to rely a great deal on generalizing about "guys" -I suggest treating people as individuals first and foremost and relying a lot less on generalizations, especially gender-based generalizaions.  You feel flattered by a man complimenting a photo of you and think that this means he is interested in you as a person? That's the kind of flirting you're looking for? 

His asking you to hang out as part of an activity he planned with friends is asking you to hang out.  It's not asking you out on a proper date he plans in advance.  So you declining was simply saying you weren't in the mood to hang out at the lounge he was already going to.

I do agree you should generalize about what a date is -just don't generalize about "men" especially based on who clicks on what photos.  A date is a one on one activity where one person asks the other to do an activity and that person wants to see or has romantic intentions.

Also practice calling people on the phone or seeing them in person and having direct clear communication instead of trying to read into signs or clicks.  It will save you a lot of time and "confusion".  Good luck!

Edited to add -I think he was mostly being casual when he asked her to come hang out at a lounge. The real problem is they're relying too much on typing.  It's harder -maybe even awkward- to talk by phone especially for um younger people but it resolves a lot of the issues in dating and you get actual information about the person you can't get from typed words or clicks.