Best Dating Apps for Career Women Over 30?

[waffle]

1 hour ago, moodindigo91 said:

I am not going to make a profile with big red letters in all caps "LOOKING FOR MARRIAGE" haha 

I think I know how to be a little more nuanced. 😉

Honestly it doesn't matter what you put in your profile.  You could put "I'm a bipolar mess off my meds and in and out of the psych ward" and the replies you will get are; "do you have any more pics?"   "How about a full-length?"   "Your [sic] a beautiful women [sic], can I see a pic from the side?"  "U have nice smile, maybe one from behind?"

Don't think too much on it and don't take any of it too seriously is the best thing I can tell you.

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, waffle said:

Honestly it doesn't matter what you put in your profile.  You could put "I'm a bipolar mess off my meds and in and out of the psych ward" and the replies you will get are; "do you have any more pics?"   "How about a full-length?"   "Your [sic] a beautiful women [sic], can I see a pic from the side?"  "U have nice smile, maybe one from behind?"

Don't think too much on it and don't take any of it too seriously is the best thing I can tell you.

OMG, this is so dead on lol. I specifically put in my profile that I was not going to have any more children and I got messages saying they wanted kids and how many would I want to have? Reading comprehension is a lost skill. Also when the goal is to get as many women as possible to send them pics to wack off to they aren't going to bother reading profiles.

It's like sifting through sand looking for treasure.

[waffle]

Oh, and don't kid yourself into thinking they picked one quality site to be on just because that's what you did.  They are on ALL the sites, I mean why wouldn't they be?  They know they have to cast a wide net, and the same intro message you received two minutes after your profile was approved is the same one a few hundred other women got.  If they're feeling creative they might take a quick glance at your profile and insert something specific in their message to give the impression that they read it.

[moodindigo91]

55 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

And from all I can tell from their few year courtship they're happy and do a lot of fun stuff together.  Apparently his full on "I want marriage" was just the thing.  Because apparently this is what she wanted too -so why would that be overwhelming?

Right, there's no right or wrong way to go about it IMO because, what I've learned from my last relationship especially, is that people change their minds. I, for one, am pretty serious about finding my GUY, the one I can finally settle down with. When I met my ex (we met in person because we lived in the same building), I was just beginning law school and told him I was only looking for serious relationships at this time. He stuck around, we moved in together, he said he wanted marriage. 2 years later, he had changed his mind about all of that lol 

Obviously I'm a little older now and much more settled in my individual life so the context is different. I think when I join an app I will be putting on my profile that I'm looking for something serious that has potential to lead to marriage, and go from there. I'm not going to make it a major topic of conversation in the beginning, but once I feel a connection with someone I want to develop, it will become a more serious topic. I think it will be a case by case approach! But all this chatting about it honestly is getting me very excited! Which is fun because I haven't felt this way in a long time 🙂

[moodindigo91]

12 minutes ago, waffle said:

Honestly it doesn't matter what you put in your profile.  You could put "I'm a bipolar mess off my meds and in and out of the psych ward" and the replies you will get are; "do you have any more pics?"   "How about a full-length?"   "Your [sic] a beautiful women [sic], can I see a pic from the side?"  "U have nice smile, maybe one from behind?"

Don't think too much on it and don't take any of it too seriously is the best thing I can tell you.

lmao so true 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, moodindigo91 said:

Right, there's no right or wrong way to go about it IMO because, what I've learned from my last relationship especially, is that people change their minds. I, for one, am pretty serious about finding my GUY, the one I can finally settle down with. When I met my ex (we met in person because we lived in the same building), I was just beginning law school and told him I was only looking for serious relationships at this time. He stuck around, we moved in together, he said he wanted marriage. 2 years later, he had changed his mind about all of that lol 

Obviously I'm a little older now and much more settled in my individual life so the context is different. I think when I join an app I will be putting on my profile that I'm looking for something serious that has potential to lead to marriage, and go from there. I'm not going to make it a major topic of conversation in the beginning, but once I feel a connection with someone I want to develop, it will become a more serious topic. I think it will be a case by case approach! But all this chatting about it honestly is getting me very excited! Which is fun because I haven't felt this way in a long time 🙂

I'm glad you feel enthusiastic! We have very different perspectives on the subject it seems and I respect yours!

I think there are very wrong ways to go about meeting men through online sites based on my 5 plus years online plus written personal ads.  Like- not meeting asap, meeting someone who lied about his age or relationship or marital or education status, meeting someone who isn't sure about wanting marriage or kids if you are sure you eventually want one, meeting someone who is separated or newly divorced. Meeting in a private place and/or getting drunk with someone you do not know well.

I think it's rare for a man in his 30s and beyond to change his mind about his general values and goals.  Many people change their minds about a specific person.  I changed my mind about wanting to marry my boyfriend -he'd finished grad school, I was in the middle.  I'd been head over heels for him for a long long time and we were in our 20s. 

I changed my mind because I felt something very distant and cold about him over time- felt like I'd be lonely married to him despite awesome sex and chemistry.  Couldn't figure out why.  Ended things the night he proposed marriage (huge surprise!). 

Found out why almost 10 years later when he told me that, a year or so after we broke up he realized he couldn't be in denial anymore.  By that time he'd been with his future husband about 5 years. 

They've been married as long as I have -we each married our right man the same year! So yes in a sense we both changed our minds a great deal -and I guess he changed his in a very general (genderal??) way. 

Almost all the men I knew and met and knew of when we were in our 30s who knew they wanted marriage and family didn't all end up getting married but believed they still wanted it.  I knew by age 14 or earlier that in general I wanted to be a married mom.  Never ever changed and still hasn't 42 years later.  I don't know if I would remarry if, heaven forbid, something happened to my husband.  So yes if you date men who are divorced or widowed some may be sort of done with the whole marriage thing even if pre-marriage they wanted marriage. 

[DarkCh0c0]

https://coffeemeetsbagel.com/

This is a recommended dating site that does some of the screening work. If it works in your area, might be worth a try!

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, moodindigo91 said:

I think researching "popular" apps is actually an important aspect in finding the app that suits my needs. 

[moodindigo91]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I think there are very wrong ways to go about meeting men through online sites based on my 5 plus years online plus written personal ads.  Like- not meeting asap, meeting someone who lied about his age or relationship or marital or education status, meeting someone who isn't sure about wanting marriage or kids if you are sure you eventually want one, meeting someone who is separated or newly divorced. Meeting in a private place and/or getting drunk with someone you do not know well.

I think it's rare for a man in his 30s and beyond to change his mind about his general values and goals.  Many people change their minds about a specific person.

I always appreciate your feedback Batya! I just meant there's no right or wrong way regarding telling them that I'm dating to marry at this point! I totally agree that there are some steps/caution to take when dating men online! 

Yes, I think you're right about most men knowing their general values once they're beyond their 30s. My ex is a special case lmao he has no values or is struggling to determine what his values are. He launched himself into a pre-mid-life crisis, one which I'm glad to not be privy to at this point. He seemed to be on the fence about me, specifically, as he kept communicating with me and continued to do so until recently when I told him I legitimately did not want to hear from him. 

Anyways, your story about your ex is great! I wonder if the same thing's going to happen to mine lol 

I am just ready to find someone. I haven't known for so long that I wanted to be married like you did. When I was little, I actually never wanted to be married. I was in a relationship for 6 years with someone who wanted to be married eventually and never wanted to be married. It wasn't until I went through something traumatic with that guy and then when I met my last ex that I really developed that desire to be married and have a supportive, loving, committed partner. But ever since I decided that this is something I wanted it seems impossible haha 

My brother wrote something personal the other day that he shared with me and part of it said that he worries about his sisters (my younger sister and I) and wonders whether we will ever find the love he feels we deserve and I almost cried lol I know my guy is out there, just gotta be patient I guess 

[Batya33]

I don't think it matters when you know in general you want to be married -or if you never know -or if you don't know till you meet the right person who triggers that desire.  It's all good including the decision not to marry.  I so love what your brother shared!

[Wiseman2]

There's "Hot or Not".  Not sure if that's at the absolute bottom of the pile, but probably close maybe a notch below Tinder. There's OkCupid which datamines and conducts social experiments with users'  personal data. Then publishes the rubbish their AI puts together as if it's real research.. How cool is that?  So yes the apps do matter.  For example there's niche apps like Grindr or Christian singles,etc.  Whatever the case, a good profile and pics and coughing up the money for paid apps makes a difference.