Is it too soon to be meeting his friends after a first date?

[isthisaredflag]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why are you volunteering to chauffeur him around and buy him gifts for "a few hundred bucks", if all he does is send pics of vibrators and won't ask you out again?

He did invite me to that thing with his friends on Saturday however. He said on Saturday again, that I'm more than welcome to come. Or were you referring to more one on one catch-ups?

[Batya33]

Why in the world are you sending him that amount of money in this situation? Is this something you're routinely comfortable with -sending this amount of money to people you don't know well -and especially since you're very unsure about where this is headed. He took you on a first date -many people treat on a first date (although a couple hundred bucks sounds like a lot for dinner but whatever).

You think he's being demanding but he's picking up on your reactions -you're ok with him sending you all those sexually suggestive texts and then you flippantly offer to spend all that $ on him - so him asking for a ride is sort of based on the vibe you're giving off - he's a person who pushes the envelope right so where's the shocker here. What's really going on here with you?

[isthisaredflag]

25 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Why in the world are you sending him that amount of money in this situation? Is this something you're routinely comfortable with -sending this amount of money to people you don't know well -and especially since you're very unsure about where this is headed. He took you on a first date -many people treat on a first date (although a couple hundred bucks sounds like a lot for dinner but whatever).

You think he's being demanding but he's picking up on your reactions -you're ok with him sending you all those sexually suggestive texts and then you flippantly offer to spend all that $ on him - so him asking for a ride is sort of based on the vibe you're giving off - he's a person who pushes the envelope right so where's the shocker here. What's really going on here with you?

You raise some good points and you are right. I guess if we don't see each other again, I'll just accept that defeat. As I can't really say, oh pay me back now. I can't really broach the topic now. 

[Batya33]

19 minutes ago, isthisaredflag said:

You raise some good points and you are right. I guess if we don't see each other again, I'll just accept that defeat. As I can't really say, oh pay me back now. I can't really broach the topic now. 

Right of course not -you told him it was a gift.  So it is.  I'd really explore why you choose these behaviors and reactions to help you in the future in interacting both on dates and just generally in life.  

[isthisaredflag]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Right of course not -you told him it was a gift.  So it is.  I'd really explore why you choose these behaviors and reactions to help you in the future in interacting both on dates and just generally in life.  

Thank you. I guess a weird part of me tried to rationalise that he paid a fair bit for dinner, so I should do the same and be even. 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, isthisaredflag said:

 I guess a weird part of me tried to rationalise that he paid a fair bit for dinner, so I should do the same and be even. 

You need to pick up your self respect and discontinue accepting abysmal treatment like quasi-porn pics(< this is when you should have deleted/blocked him), offer to chauffer men around and having to pay them back for dates/dinners, buying them expensive gifts, etc..

 Delete and block him. You'll never see the money (or him probably) anyway. Stop and reflect why your self-esteem and self-respect lacks this much.

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, isthisaredflag said:

Thank you. I guess a weird part of me tried to rationalise that he paid a fair bit for dinner, so I should do the same and be even. 

Yes- so I'd explore the weird part because you're reacting to the weird part in potentially harmful ways.  

[isthisaredflag]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Yes- so I'd explore the weird part because you're reacting to the weird part in potentially harmful ways.  

Thank you. Just back away for a bit and casually just message him when it suits me? That’s if he responds and wants to meet again. 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, isthisaredflag said:

Thank you. Just back away for a bit and casually just message him when it suits me? That’s if he responds and wants to meet again. 

Oh I didn't mean that at all.  I wouldn't continue to date him.  Somehow you feel you owe him for a first date, you are meh about meeting up with him, making excuses, you feel you have to tolerate his sexting and also respond in kind -despite being suspicious of his motives.  This is not a potential relationship.  It's a mess.  And messy wayyyyy too soon -so I'd move on.  Interact with people where you feel comfortable in your own skin and where your behavior and choices are consistent and consistent with reasonable self worth.  JMHO.

[isthisaredflag]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Oh I didn't mean that at all.  I wouldn't continue to date him.  Somehow you feel you owe him for a first date, you are meh about meeting up with him, making excuses, you feel you have to tolerate his sexting and also respond in kind -despite being suspicious of his motives.  This is not a potential relationship.  It's a mess.  And messy wayyyyy too soon -so I'd move on.  Interact with people where you feel comfortable in your own skin and where your behavior and choices are consistent and consistent with reasonable self worth.  JMHO.

Totally agree. I think if my heart is not really fully into it, best not to. In all honesty, think he hasn't responded as he's probably finding me difficult with not wanting to meet up/as I didn't attend his friend's thing. Probably gets the vibe I'm meh about it. But like you say, even though I've added to the fire if I'm slightly uncomfortable about things, not a good start to a 'relationship'. 

[Batya33]

14 minutes ago, isthisaredflag said:

Totally agree. I think if my heart is not really fully into it, best not to. In all honesty, think he hasn't responded as he's probably finding me difficult with not wanting to meet up/as I didn't attend his friend's thing. Probably gets the vibe I'm meh about it. But like you say, even though I've added to the fire if I'm slightly uncomfortable about things, not a good start to a 'relationship'. 

I don't think you have to go so far as heart -no heart yet -he's someone you don't know well at all. You simply are not comfortable around him or with him and you're picking on red flags and have no real strong interest in seeing him again even for another date -while trying to pay him back as if it's some sort of business transaction.  I'd say the same thing about a new platonic friend.  Good luck!

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, isthisaredflag said:

I just said I could buy it for him (it was about the price of the dinner he paid for on our first date), he said he would owe me back but I said not to worry, it was a few hundred bucks.

I would take some time and reflect where you boundaries are, OP. 

You are iffy about him and yet dropping a few hundred dollars on him, and you've only met once. Stop and think. Ask yourself why you're sticking your neck out for someone you barely know. 

[Kwothe28]

OP, you need a beter boundaries. OK, he bought you a fair dinner. There is no need to buy him a several hundred dolars present for that. He can buy his own and you can offer to pay for dinner next time you go out. Or to pick him up from his friends birthday on which you didnt even came. If you came with him so you would drive from there, it would be a different deal, but you are not his driver to pick him up from there. You are not official girlfriend, he took you out once. And you are acting like you are in a long term relationship. With expensive gifts and driving him around. You are still at meeting stage and you dont know him enough. Go slower, stand your ground and dont let anyone take advantage of you.

[Wonderstruck]

18 hours ago, isthisaredflag said:

As I was supposed to attend last night for his friend's birthday, I just suggested we do something one on one soon. He said I was still welcome to come and I just said that I would be having a family thing in the end.

You have every right to change your mind about attending, but, just out of curiousity, why DID you change your mind at the last minute?

 

18 hours ago, isthisaredflag said:

We were messaging throughout the day and he asked me for a website of something I bought something from but you have to download an app to use it. I just said I could buy it for him (it was about the price of the dinner he paid for on our first date), he said he would owe me back but I said not to worry, it was a few hundred bucks.

Wait, WHAT?!

Why the hell would you offer to spend A FEW HUNDRED BUCKS on this guy that you JUST started dating, when you weren't even comfortable enough with him to attend his friend's birthday party?!

And WHY is buying this thing for him more convenient and reasonable, in your mind, than just giving him the website address?!

 

18 hours ago, isthisaredflag said:

I joked that we forgot to buy something else and he said we could get it on the way home tonight (last night) after I picked him up from his friend's birthday.

What was the "something else"? Was it a sex toy?

Why are you simultaneously initiating sexual conversations with him and offering to buy him expensive things right away, while ALSO pulling back by not being willing to attend his friend's birthday and acting so apprehensive about him?

You are very strange and you are sending him mixed messages. It's hard to feel sorry for you when YOU are the one who is driving this strange behaviour.