Dating help

[Wiseman2]

Unavailable people choose other unavailable people. Right now, the reason you won't date in real life is because you're not ready.

Sure, dating apps can suck, but you're also making no effort to get out there.

Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get a side hustle, take some classes and courses, get involved in sports and fitness.

You'll have an excuse not to just like "dating apps suck" because hiding behind a screen is a "safe" place for you. 

You can't get involved with no less go through another divorce with women you never meet.

[Rose Mosse]

13 hours ago, nhraracer90 said:

Sorry I didn’t mean it like I was doing good an am not now. I just meant by not dating I’m doing good if that makes any sense 

Yes, try breaking the habit of checking in on her however. As you haven’t met her you aren’t dating her and she’s somewhat a figment of the imagination. Anything she says or compliments you with are all talk and we know talk is cheap. 

Try dating local women and if you’re not successful, take breaks. Online dating is full of oddballs and strange creatures. Don’t be too stunned or turned off and take it in stride. One day at a time but really don’t bother with her. 
 

[nhraracer90]

59 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Yes, try breaking the habit of checking in on her however. As you haven’t met her you aren’t dating her and she’s somewhat a figment of the imagination. Anything she says or compliments you with are all talk and we know talk is cheap. 

Try dating local women and if you’re not successful, take breaks. Online dating is full of oddballs and strange creatures. Don’t be too stunned or turned off and take it in stride. One day at a time but really don’t bother with her. 
 

Thank you 

[bluecastle]

All in all, I think you'd benefit from putting these sorts of exchanges—months of digital chitchat with women you've never met—into a category that has no overlap with dating. It's less confusing that way, keeps the emotional attachment realistic.

Think of it this way, to make an analog analogy:

Let's say you occasionally ran into someone out and about: at parties, work events, the gym, whatever, as people do. During these run-ins you two chat. When you mention getting together, they kind of hedge, don't say yes, don't say no. Odds are you would not be thinking of this person as someone you're dating, and as months passed your attachment to that idea would decrease rather than increase.

This thing you're talking about here? It's the digital version of that, more or less. It's something that has become pretty common in the modern age, understandably. People are hardwired to seek connection, intimacy, attention, validation. Chatting with a stranger can provide a a quick dose of this without the complexity, which for some people, during some stretches of life, is enough.

It is to "dating" what watching a Go-Pro video of someone jumping out of a plane is to "skydiving," or what reading a restaurant review is to "eating." Can feel like the same thing, thanks to the wonders of human imagination, but in reality it is not. Not even close. A person who only reads about restaurants instead of eating, after all, will starve.  

Something I noticed in my own life: When I was just starting to entertain the idea of dating after my last relationship ended, my chats online with women sometimes went long because, in retrospect, I wasn't really ready to date. Once I was? My chats lasted, at most, two days, and if we didn't have plans to meet? I just let them fade out. Happened organically. Guess what I'm trying to point out, in order to help separate these chats with dating, is that people who sincerely want to date are less likely to want to chat and chat. 

Also something to consider? Humans have proven, for centuries, that when they want to date they will make room for it. Job stuff, kid stuff, money stuff, life stuff: that can all be navigated because, alas, that is the stuff that is eternal. Those who bring it up as a reason not to date are most likely using it as an excuse, either to let someone down easy or because they're not being fully honest with themselves.  

   

 

[Rose Mosse]

I once went on a date with a man who was laid off the day before. I was impressed by his poise.