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I need my gf to try and work this out but idk how

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Me and my girl have been together for 3 years and one year into the relationship we had a baby who is now 2. We bought a house together and our relationship was actually very very good but while she was at work one day somebody had came to her and said that she had slept with me. Now the reason this situation is hard rn, well I’ll give you a background. I was single and I was sleeping with a girl well 2 times then I met my girlfriend I’m with now and I completely cut the other girl off. Well come to find out they are cousins and they don’t get along and my gf asked me if I had a thing with her cousin and I said no. Well a year later after my child was born and my gf was back working her cousin came in and told her she ***ed me… that’s the root of today problems still. I told her that I did and I lied because I was scared and because it was before us so I didn’t think it mattered. But 2 years later we have been good then her trust issues get to her and she left me a few times and one time she left me I liked a girls pic on Facebook then we got back together and she seen and her thought were I was with this girl and all that but it was just a like l, so the trust issues got worse. Well fast forward to this past week she found out that I stopped talking to her cousin a week before me and her started talking and was mad that I never told her that and since that day last week things have been terrible. She left me for about a week and in between that week she started talking to a guy and actually met to go to the store with him. We still love together we slept in different rooms for a week but then she said she felt guilty that she talked to this guy because she was hypocritical. I forgave her she cut contact with him and said she wanted to work things out. So we started working things out we been to family events together and we were at a birthday party and there were some girls there but she hates PDA but she had to leave to get our child but was picking me up 20 min from the time she left but when she left she kissed me in front of everyone and she’s never kissed me in front of anyone, so I thought we were on a good road. Two days pass things are great we don’t have sex or anything because she says she still isn’t in love with me like she was and she sees me as just another person but we were working on trying to get her love back, then I try to change and be less angry and cuddle more and what not and one day she was all about it but then it just stopped like she was back to how she was denying me of all that kind of stuff, and I told her that that’s why I stopped cuddling before because she always shuts me down so I just stopped trying and she got mad and said she don’t know what she wants to do and she is scared to get screwed over again and that I had 3 years to try and not I want to and she applied for an apartment a while ago like a year during one of our fights and they just called her back today right in the middle of her basically saying she don’t want to try and they got an open apartment and she said to call her back Monday. And I told her that don’t take it because we can work it out I just need her to try and be confident but she said she don’t know what she’s going to do because there’s nowhere to live in this town and if she don’t take it and we don’t work out then she has nowhere to go and I want her to try I know we can get thru it but she just won’t give in and last week when she kissed me in front of everyone I thought it was real but here we are a week later and she said she don’t like kissing me because coming from her it’s not genuine but like a week ago she kissed me I didn’t even see it coming. If she moves out then I’m done like that’s offensive to me that’s giving up on me permanently and I can’t let her go to see if she comes back because we’ve done that and she comes back but moving out on me with my child it’s the worst thing she can do to me and Im really good at dropping feeling for anyone but I actually love her and planned on getting married to her so Idk what should I do to get her to stay and work together?

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5 hours ago, Cory777 said:

what should I do to get her to stay and work together?

I don't know. It sounds like she's had one foot out the door for a while. You can't work with someone who doesn't want to work with you. 

Is she definitely taking the apartment? If yes, I think you're on the right track with being done and "dropping feelings." Make a clean break and focus on learning how to coparent effectively. 

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6 hours ago, Cory777 said:

  I can’t let her go to see if she comes back because we’ve done that and she comes back but moving out on me with my child it’s the worst thing she can do to me.

Focus on being good parents and having a monogamous committed relationship. 

You both own the house? Well then you both are financially responsible for it.

Focus on being a better father and partner. It's that simple.

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Do you have anger issues? It sounds like it’s a lot more than this cousin that’s bothering her. Finding out you lied the first time is just the tip of the iceberg. She’s tired of the anger and fighting. 

Let her go and start sorting custody details. The priority now is seeing your child and being a father. The relationship is over.

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9 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I don't know. It sounds like she's had one foot out the door for a while.


Sounds like that she has already decided to leave a year ago(applying for different appartment and all) and that she just grabbed the opportunity now. Cousin stuff might just be an excuse for that. There is nothing to work there as she has already decided your faith. Best thing you can do is make peace with it.

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I agree with the others....

Sounds like she's had one foot out the door for a while... And for her to look into apt's as far back as a year ago, says plenty.

A couple cannot 'build' a healthy, stable relationship with these types of issue's. And I also agree with the fact she may just be using her cousin issue as an excuse.

Sadly, if her feelings have now changed, not a lot you can do to try & 'change' that 😕 . Seems like her love towards you isn't there now. So, I suggest you work on accepting all of this.

I am sorry for this falling apart on you, but nothing anyone can do.  So, now you aim at just getting along best way possible and to focus on your child.  You two will always have to communicate in regards to your child.  BUT, that's it.

Respect her wishes now and give her space.  Don't beg, don't chase.  Just leave her be.



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