Caught him lying

[Blue_Skirt]

6 hours ago, FraniMar22 said:

He needs to provide answers to me, whether he likes it or not.

5 hours ago, FraniMar22 said:

But, I want to see him as uncomfortable as possible confessing to my face what has been going on while he's been professing his undying love for me and making a fool of me.   

When I finally understood for myself, that I can’t make other people do things and that I can’t control the behavior of other people, but that I CAN control my OWN behavior and how I react to other people (in all kind of situations, not just in a relationship), that was really an eye opening moment for me.

Now that I have fully accepted and embraced that thought, I find it much easier to deal with people. I am not that easily upset anymore about other peoples’ behavior. I am also much better at setting boundaries.

[Rose Mosse]

7 minutes ago, FraniMar22 said:

There's one other thing I wanted to mention.  We met on the Plenty of Fish dating app.  After we decided to be exclusive, we both supposedly deleted our profiles.  The other thing I saw in his email were tons of emails from this dating site with new matches for him.  He swears he's not on there, hasn't been in a very long time.  He showed me his phone and showed me the apps on it.  I'm thinking there's a way that people hide apps on their phone.  Does anyone know if this is possible?  Just me digging deeper into this wool that's been pulled over my eyes.

Frani, this is spiraling out of control. Draw a line and stop there. You're your own worst enemy in this. When there's betrayal the most common trap to fall into is 1) over-investigation and sleuthing and 2) blaming a third party (another woman for ie). The problem is him and the problem is also you. You can stop this if you want to and put an end to the misery. You alone are able to do that by moving out and leaving this behind. 

[Blue_Skirt]

12 minutes ago, FraniMar22 said:

I'm thinking there's a way that people hide apps on their phone.  Does anyone know if this is possible?  Just me digging deeper into this wool that's been pulled over my eyes.

Stop, stop, stop doing this to yourself! Stop wasting your time. You know what he is. Now let this mess behind you and set yourself free.

[Blue_Skirt]

7 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Realize that you can be just fine without a man.

Amen to that! Who needs this much BS in their life?

[FraniMar22]

I hear you all and I get what you're saying.  I kinda thought that was the response I would get as I was typing it, lol.  I guess my thought process is knowledge is power.  The more I find out, the stronger it makes me to run for my life.   Because my stupid idiotic self will start thinking maybe it was just that one thing, maybe it was an innocent conversation, and so on.  I know how my lame brain works.  Believe me, you all have helped me immensely to see this is unacceptable without being told you're being too sensitive, you're paranoid, blah, blah, blah. 

[Rose Mosse]

1 minute ago, FraniMar22 said:

I hear you all and I get what you're saying.  I kinda thought that was the response I would get as I was typing it, lol.  I guess my thought process is knowledge is power.  The more I find out, the stronger it makes me to run for my life.   Because my stupid idiotic self will start thinking maybe it was just that one thing, maybe it was an innocent conversation, and so on.  I know how my lame brain works.  Believe me, you all have helped me immensely to see this is unacceptable without being told you're being too sensitive, you're paranoid, blah, blah, blah. 

Knowledge can be power but it can also be destructive depending on what you choose to focus on. I see time and energy as finite and precious so I don't waste it on trying to find out small details that have no impact on my decisions.

The gist of the relationship breakdown is that there is no trust. End of story. That's all you need to know in your heart of hearts and it's enough to move forwards. Without trust you're not able to build on anything else - not today, tomorrow or any part of your future. 

Focusing on the minute details is only slowing you down when the major issue has already been identified - no trust. 

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, FraniMar22 said:

guess my thought process is knowledge is power.  The more I find out, the stronger it makes me to run for my life. 

Knowledge is power. Know that more information of the kind you are seeking is sabotaging and counterproductive.  That is the powerful knowledge that matters.  Don't kid yourself by applying cliches where they don't belong. 

[boltnrun]

12 minutes ago, FraniMar22 said:

I guess my thought process is knowledge is power.  The more I find out, the stronger it makes me to run for my life. 

You already have this knowledge.

13 minutes ago, FraniMar22 said:

Because my stupid idiotic self will start thinking maybe it was just that one thing, maybe it was an innocent conversation, and so on.  I know how my lame brain works. 

So you are hoping to stay with him?

Know that if you do, you will be spending the next few months stealthily searching for evidence that he's either engaging in cheating behaviors or hoping you find nothing. You will feel anxious, constantly. You'll be fearful every time you're away from him, wondering what he's up to. Your stomach will be in knots. You'll have trouble sleeping and eating. You'll have trouble focusing on anything other than "what's he doing, who's he talking to, is he messaging anyone?" 

If that sounds like the relationship of your dreams and everything you could ever want in a man, then by all means look for excuses to stay. Just know what you'd be willingly signing up for, accept it and learn to love it.

Otherwise, just leave the dude already.

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, FraniMar22 said:

I guess my thought process is knowledge is power.  The more I find out, the stronger it makes me to run for my life.   Because my stupid idiotic self will start thinking maybe it was just that one thing, maybe it was an innocent conversation, and so on.  I know how my lame brain works.

I think your thought process is also procrastination.

You're not stupid or idiotic, and your brain isn't lame. But you are stuck. You have a lot of self doubt. 

Stop insulting yourself and learn to start trusting yourself. Release this POS back to POF.

Speaking of POF: He could be checking his POF on a computer, or through his phone's web browser. I'm sure there's a still a direct login like there was in the days before smart phones.

[Lambert]

At some point you have to decide what your life is. Your life is right now. You've put up with a lot of crap and given many chances. The only change left is for you to break up for good. never talk to this guy 

Every time you took him back, you were saying you accept his behavior.  

If you were sitting in a room and the ceiling was dripping on you,  do you ask the ceiling to stop or do you move? people are the same way. someone drips on you, you move.  And you don't go back until you see it's not dripping.

Sometimes you never go back.  That's ok.  You can start over right now with and for yourself. 

 

[Drainedemotion]

You should message me. I need to break up with my bf. ( have for a long time) yet still am with him.  We’ll be says he’s done again today.  I’m having a hard time letting him go.  I don’t wanna be on my own.  Maybe we can help each other out???

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Drainedemotion said:

You should message me. I need to break up with my bf. ( have for a long time) yet still am with him.  We’ll be says he’s done again today.  I’m having a hard time letting him go.  I don’t wanna be on my own.  Maybe we can help each other out???

As kindly as possible, this OP finding her boyfriend messaging other women and him lying about it is not even close to being the same as or similar to being in a relationship with someone who breaks your bones and continues to abuse you.

I hope you choose to kick your abuser out of your home and out of you and your children's lives.